Author	Thread: Why do some women...
stormcountry33 View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 10:13 AM Why do some women who are in a bad relationship...continue to stay in the relationship hoping that their guy will change into the man they desire instead of trying to find the guy that is the man you desire. Why stay and try to change him when what you're really looking for is elsewhere? Post Reply
s34rching View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 10:47 AM Maybe they have a fear that they may not find another person to love and so they think they may be able to change that person they are with. I've never had to deal with it myself because I won't put up with the abuse. But I've also wondered why they stay. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 11:16 AM I've asked a lot of female friends this question. Some don't think they're worthy of a healthy relationship or don't think they can find a better one. In a lot of non-abusive situations, the guy just makes her feel things that quality guys never do because they're so focused on being nice and boring. Those women think maybe it's easier to change a guy without much drive, a drinking problem, and little responsibility but who makes their heart go pitter patter into a quality guy who makes their heart pitter-patter than to change a quality guy who is boring and doesn't "get it" into a guy who makes them feel the kind of things the bad boyfriend did. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 12:22 PM They see something there! Something they desire and are attracted to. They often think they can help... and then maybe just a little more effort... and it can become an endless very unhealthy cycle. It can be hard to walk away, even if it is unhealthy, because one puts there heart and soul into wanting it to work, trying to make it work. I can not speak for everybody of course... but these are some of my thoughts and experiences! Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 04:22 PM We are by nature & created to be helpmeets. We have much patience when we see a man with potential and we try to help him "be all he can be". We get our emotions involved and because we love him we stay longer than we should when we see that he doesn't want to change. if I may hop off topic for a moment, I always am disturbed when I see talk of "quality people". We are all the same in God's eyes, our righteousness as filthy rags. I know many guys think they have to "be" or do something other than being & doing themselves in order to get and keep a woman's attention. For shallow and thrill seeker type women this may be true, but I believe women who are mature want a man who has the courage to be himself regardless of societal pressures and what they think women's expectations are. There should be no fear of being boring or anything else. Ebonically, just be who you is. Back on topic, I think many women have fear of being alone thinking it's better to have someone than no one. Also, it's not easy to give up on someone when you have invested time and effort into them. My 2 cents. Post Reply
springrose10 View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 05:10 PM One of the hurdles in leaving an abusive spouse is often lack of finances. Controllers tend to put their spouses on "allowances." The woman may not have access to the checking account. If she has a job, she doesn't make enough to rent an apartment, buy food, hire daycare, etc. The fear of the unknown, the fear of failure, the fear of abandonment,... An abusive spouse has usually driven away any friends that the wife may have had before the marriage. She doesn't know where to turn for guidance or who she can trust. TRUST is a BIG issue. Often people who get caught up in unhealthy relationships don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, so they don't have a reference to believe that there is anything better. I agree that a lot of women don't believe that they deserve anything better, even if life does have something better to offer. Abusers are masters at brainwashing and actually convince these women that they are more worthless than dirt. It takes Christians storming the gates of hell and petitioning our High Priest at the right hand of God to overcome the hold of an abuser. These sick and evil people can be of either gender. Whichever, their power over people is not to be under estimated. Rose Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 06:40 PM It may be fear. Fear she can't find anyone else. Fear of being alone. Fear she may find another man like this guy. Fear she won't be able to let him go, and it will be worse when she goes back to him. Fear she will never be "good enough" for a man who will treat her properly. Everyone else had good comments, too. Post Reply
DontHitThatMark View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 07:07 PM This is actually a pretty huge problem that has caused a lot of other huge problems...but you can't really blame them with the kind of guy you see glorified in movies/tv. It's either the dumpy dope, or the edgy bad boy. :peace::peace: Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 10:08 PM Babygirl, while we're all the same in God's eyes, there are definitely people more cut out for a Godly relationship than others. Post Reply
stormcountry33 View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 30 Aug, 2010 11:12 PM Tulip, I guess I"m a "quality guy" that is nice and boring. What is it that I don't get that doesn't allow me to catch the attention of the woman that I'm interested in? Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do some women... Posted : 31 Aug, 2010 07:38 AM Quality people. I don't have a dictionary in front of me but to me it means that this person has inherent traits that makes them better/superior when compared to another. Tulip, I don't think some are "quality" or more suited for a Godly relationship. We are all clean blank slates when we get here & I believe it is merely choices we make that determine what type of person we are. Of course we can go deep into the psychoanalysis of the thing and talk about parents influence, environment, personality type/disposition etc... But in the end we all must give an account for our lives because we all have choice in how we have reacted to the life & cards we were given and dealt. That mindset is what allowed some people to enslave others. Not saying that that's anyone's mindset here, but it is what allowed people to do that with a clear conscience. Storm, if you are being yourself, there is nothing wrong with you or what you're doing. I would not want a man to "put on" just to impress me or get me. Once you start something like that, you would to keep doing it to keep the person. How stressful would that be? As for not being with the one you want, if it was that easy I would be Mrs. Chestnut (Morris Chestnut, he is so fine!!!!) right now. I've had guys that like me and I don't like them and vice versa. That's just life and doesn't have to be personal but a matter of taste, timing etc... If I keep putting in my 2 cents, somebody, afterwhile is going to have a nickel. :rolleyes: Post Reply

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