Author	Thread: Why get married?
Admin	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 05:34 AM I would like to ask you ladies a question, just trying to see things from your point of view. Many people have told me that I shouldn�t get married if I am not content being alone. If a guy is perfectly content being alone, why do you think he would want to get married? What would be the point of disrupting a perfectly content life? Post Reply
View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 02:45 PM The only way to overcome depression is to deal with the reason why you are depressed. I am depressed because I am alone. The only way out of it is to stop being alone. And don�t tell me that as long as I have God I am not alone. Look at Genesis 2. It was just Adam and God, your perfect scenario. But what does GOD have to say about that situation? Genesis 2:18 (NASB) 18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; 1) And the most important part is that GOD said that he WAS ALONE. 2) That it was not good for him to be alone. But your only solution is for me to continue to be alone. I must �fix myself� before I am good enough to be with someone. I am so sick and tired of all this BS. Post Reply
NRSV1953 View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 02:54 PM "But your only solution is for me to continue to be alone. I must �fix myself� before I am good enough to be with someone. I am so sick and tired of all this BS." I never said you needed to "fix yourself" before you are good enough to be with someone. I said you should fill up your life with God, community, the church. While I am trying to be supportive and caring, you seem to want to vent your anger on me. That's not the way to make friends. Please find a support system. Google "Adults with Aspergers Support" and see if there isn't some online support you can get. May God keep you in loving arms and surround you with the kind of love and support you need. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 03:13 PM you should fill up your life with God, community, the church. I�ve tried to, but since I am single I have nothing to offer them except my slave labor. I�m good enough to fix their problems, but not good enough to want to befriend. It�s all take take take. I have tried and tried for years to fit into the church and the community, but I have nothing to offer them that they want. I�ve done plenty of searches on Adults with Aspergers, but there really isn�t any real support. All it is is a bunch of people sitting around complaining. Djk, what makes you think that I don�t accept who I am. I like who I am. I wish I could do better making friends, but I�m not going to change who I am. What I don�t like is being alone. But the mere fact that I want to be married is �proof� that I don�t like myself. The only way that I can �prove� that I am content with myself is to not ask for help. If I can�t figure out how to start a relationship on my own, then that�s �proof� that I am not content with myself. If I have to ask for help, then that is �proof� that I am not �Godly� enough to be a good husband. There is never a point where someone will say, �You know what, I think he needs help.� The only �help� I get is to be told to go off all alone until I can figure it out on my own. Post Reply
NRSV1953 View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 03:49 PM Cobbler, what is it that you would like us to do to help you? Post Reply
View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 04:17 PM I don�t even know how to ask for help anymore. Everything always ends up with �you just have to be content on your own.� Or �it�s not my responsibility.� I can�t even figure what to ask for, because whatever I ask for is going to be wrong. This is one of the worst parts about Asperger�s is not being able to communicate how I am feeling or what I am thinking because it always gets twisted around. Everyone always starts off with the assumption that I am wrong, and all I do is spend all my time trying to prove I am right, and the whole idea of helping me gets tossed out the window. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 04:35 PM Cobbler, my point about accepting yourself first wasn't directed at you at all - I was just offering what I believe the origins of that phrase about first being happy alone might have been. Several women have posted here along the lines of being content to be single as a prerequisite for marriage. I think that's nonsense (but hey, what does my opinion matter?) and just speculated on what might have started off as wise advice before it got twisted into what we're now being told. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 07:42 PM Cobbler, we are trying our best to help you. You are not near for us to give you a hug. All we have are words and prayers. And the words we use are the same ones we use to help ourselves. We are all in the very same boat you are in ... alone, wishing we could find someone, having little success to that end. There are no magic words or magic people. We are all hurting/disappointed/confused about why we remain single. So we offer the words that we've found to be true for ourselves... when I let go of focusing on marriage being my solution, and focus instead on my one steady relationship with God... I have peace! Marriage may or may not come. I would LOVE it to come, but it may not. If I keep my eyes on Him... I am not angry, frustrated, bitter and depressed. So there is my contentment. I am just one hungry person telling the other hungry person where I found bread! There is no problem in reaching out when you get frustrated with it because we all need that! Then we remind each other about the truth of where we are focusing and, if we want, we refocus and get our peace back. Your heart's cry is heard, understood, we offer what we can to share the burden, even if it is only care, words and prayers... that's all a person can do. Including any future spouse. We have no wife to offer you, just community! :rolleyes: Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 08:07 PM I'm going to wade into this discussion and attempt to not directly address any particular posts. I think there are a couple different kinds of contentment and discontentment. I'm content with my life right now. No, it's not perfect, but I could continue on as I am and live a full, productive life. I have friends, family, a great job, a solid church, etc. I know that I'm where God wants me right now. In spite of that contentment, though, there is one area in which I feel discontent...my single status. I believe that God places within most people a desire to marry; no matter how full our lives are, there is still a little empty spot in us until we find a spouse. No, getting married won't make up for discontentment in other areas. It won't replace a relationship with God. It won't replace a life lived to the fullest within God's will. It sure won't be a bed of roses all the time. But it's still a part of being human, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to get married to fill up that God-given empty spot. So here is my short answer to "Why get married?" I want to get married because God has given me that desire. Until He brings along a guy, though, I have to try to find contentment on a daily basis in what He has already given me. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 23 Feb, 2012 09:20 PM It is so easy to say that you are content when you have friends and family around you. I have lost all my friends, and my family is too busy with their own to have any time for me. I have no one in my life. Even when I was at a large church I couldn�t find a place to fit in. I have no church or community to fit into. The only hope I have of not being alone is marriage, and all I am ever told is that it is wrong. And I am supposed to be happy about that. Just run away, go be alone someplace else, I�m sure somebody else will feel sorry for you. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why get married? Posted : 24 Feb, 2012 05:13 AM Hello Cobbler :waving: Just get busy doing something, anything, and you'll forget you're lonely in no time. Problem solved. Post Reply

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