Author	Thread: What do you mean by confident?
Admin	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 19 Sep, 2010 04:06 PM I see in a lot of profiles and in a lot of advice in the forums that women want men who are confident. What exactly do you mean by someone who is confident? Someone who is confident of who he is, someone who isn't trying to "find himself" but is willing to stand up for his beliefs. Or, are you looking for someone who knows what to do in a relationship, how to lead the relationship without any hints or suggestions from you. As a follow up question, if someone is inexperienced and unsure of how to start off and lead a relationship, would you be willing to be patient while I a guy learns to lead the relationship, or would you dismiss him after the first date? Would you be willing to give a guy a chance to learn, or would you rather he "practice" on someone else? Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 20 Sep, 2010 03:55 AM Springrose I have sat through class after class on being a Godly husband and a leader in the family. I am confident that I understand all the principals. But knowing the principals and knowing how to put them into practice are two different things. Like anything you learn in life, you have to put them into practice to get good at it, and you can't practice if you have no one to practice with. It just seems that women my age don't have the time for somone who isn't 100% confident of what he is doing. Post Reply
stormcountry33 View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 20 Sep, 2010 08:12 AM I too lack confidence in what I'm doing...I have never been a in a relationship so if that day comes where I get that chance...I just have to trust in God to lead me and guide and that if I say or do something stupid that God will work through it. I tend to give God the glory for a lot of things...things that sometimes I've been criticized for glorifying Him with, but I look at this way...I'd rather over glorify God even if its just happenstance than to not glorify Him enough...I believe God has a plan for me just not sure what it is or what it entails...in the my confidence is weakened b/c I'm not sure where my next step will lead me but I put my trust in God that it will alll work out for His purposes. Post Reply
springrose10 View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 20 Sep, 2010 01:23 PM You go Storm!!! Post Reply
SilverFire View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 20 Sep, 2010 08:24 PM I agree. I think a lot of women simply don't have any time for a guy who isn't perfectly confident in steering a relationship, both on a dating level and a spiritual level. It's as though imperfections are not allowed, and whatever imperfections a man has, they must in no way ever affect his confidence! It's like guys aren't allowed -- ever -- to have days when they're confused, angry, hurt, depressed, and feeling anything but confident. It's so unreal and actually injurious to men, as it forces them into this straitjacket that cuts them off from their feelings. So they cement this mask to their face that says that they always have it together. Meanwhile, their lives unravel from the inside out. What women never realize -- until it's too late -- is that this unwillingness to accept the flaws in a guy, this unwillingness to let a guy be human is what eventually causes if not his own personal meltdown, the meltdown of the relationship itself. Eventually the guy breaks; he reaches a point where he falls and doesn't get up immediately; he falls and doesn't know the answers. And if a guy has to wear a mask all the time, when he does break, he'll shatter. And you know whom he'll blame? You. Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 21 Sep, 2010 03:48 AM Dating, like any other social interaction, is a skill that is learned. Unfortunately not all of us have the same level of ability to learn this skill. It seems to me that when it comes to dating, Christians tend to throw up their hands and just "leave it to God's will". There is no need to learn any skills, not need to learn how to improve one self. You just basically run around mercilessly beating your head against the wall, failing over and over again, and when God feels that you have had enough he finally brings you a spouse. To me it is just the "Christian" way of getting away with apathy. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 21 Sep, 2010 08:54 AM Dating is also one of those things that a lot of people seem to think you are either good at or not. You're either a natural or you're not. You either understand women or you don't. Some people ARE naturals, but there are plenty of people out there who are living proof that you CAN learn and change. Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 22 Sep, 2010 08:42 AM You asked about confidence, so far I agree with everything pixie and the others said. Confidence is about know who you are in Christ, who you are as a person, and knowing who to stand up for what's right, and resisting what's wrong. Confidence is also knowing that sometimes you have to take a risk, knowing that things may not necessarily work out. It's when you take those risks, that you start learning more about who you are. Kathy Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you mean by confident? Posted : 22 Sep, 2010 11:15 AM It is so true. Social interaction is a skill. You learn it the same way you learn any skill: By practicing and enjoying what you do. It lets you take your time and relax and before you know it your confidence grows. No one starts out being Don Juan or Cassanova. But anybody that is great at anything regardless of what it is, is so because they practice and they like what they do. I think a mistake a lot of us make is thinking it will start getting fun later, but if you don't know how to enjoy yourself now, you won't know how later. Practice enjoying and enjoy practicing. And if you start beating yourself up or some one else (hopefully not physically) stop and remind yourself 'Hey, this is supposed to be fun.' and focus on finding the fun. Post Reply

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