Thread: Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
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Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 03:09 PM
Okay, wanted to talk about something that sincerely bugs me.
This was brought up in the post "Finish this question?"
I read everything that was said, and a lot of it made sense to me, as I'm sure it did to others, but some of it didn't.
I believe God does have a will for all of us, and that we have to pray, and do things in faith, and that it's important we go to him for things we need, but I believe there's a serious and dangerous lie within this "If I get married it has to be God's will." Let me explain what I mean. These are people who are usually bombarded with these words, and almost encouraged to stay single by the church, not find a wife, or a husband.
What on earth is with this? They're complicating things that should be pretty easy, making people feel bad for wanting a spouse, and wanting to have children. I've seen this pattern before in a lot of church groups, it's extremely sad to watch.
Yes, pray and seek God's will about it, but you don't have to be doomed to a life of perpetual singleness, the person God has planned for you MAY show up at your door, but I think it's okay to look for a wife/husband in the meantime. The Lord said to go says a lot about marriage and children in the bible...I don't think he said "Well...maybe..maybe not, you should pray about it and see, you may be chosen to be single. Really, I'm not letting you know."
The gift of singleness is called a "gift" for a reason, few people have it. Which is okay. It is better to marry than to burn. Staying single doesn't give you anymore peace, anymore strength, doesn't make you anymore "holy" if you will, than realizing you need a wife/husband.
Well, I suppose this was sort of a rant, needed to be said though.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 12:01 PM
Today the youth patron said something insensitive...he was wonderin y guys wait awhile before getting married...he married a lady in church last year at age 33....an i was like....is 33 young??...how come being single now seems bad...to him i.e..an yet he was single just the other day??...eish...i felt bad...an i hav made a promise to bring up the topic wen we hav a youth discussion service!
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 12:24 PM
Cobbler,
In case you see this,
Nothing I had to say was intended as a hoop for you or anyone else to jump through in order to obtain a wife (or husband).
What I "was" saying is that you and others on this site may or may not experience marriage in your lifetime - that's for the Lord to decide. Whether you do or not though, God's love for you will have been perfect and the hope that you will have had in coming to know Him - great.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 01:04 PM
Sorry Ladies and Gents, MsMarvel and Cobbler, you misconstrue my post. It was not meant to answer why you do not have a spouse, nor was it to blame you for not doing enough. It was a 'reality check', to look at the truth in your life. Some may not want to see it, that is ok.
God answers prayers His way in His timing, however if you're not putting in maximum effort and prayer to God, I stand by my original statement; you don't want it bad enough.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 02:29 PM
@cobbler:
The disciples levelled a similar question at Jesus; "who sinned? this man or his parents that he should be born blind?" Jesus answer is telling "neither, but rather that God may be glorified through it". If you're still single then it's almost certainly not due to some unrepented sin, but because God will be glorified when you do meet your partner. I know it's not really helping you in a physical sense, I just wanted to shoot down the myth that it's somehow your own fault. Oh, BTW for encouragement, PrinceKermit has announced that he's finally (after 10 years I think?) found that 'someone' and he's praising God for it over in another group.
Be patient my friend, and not like the one who asked God to give him patience and be quick about it!!!
@two:
You may be right. Some days I come onto CDFF (amongst others) determined I'm going to wade through EVERY profile appropriate. Other days I just think "nah, stuff it!" and play Roller Coaster Tycoon...
Will it ever be the number one priority in my life to find someone? No, probably not - I've more important prayers to make, such as make me like Jesus. For me, I think it's a case of seeking ye first the kingdom of God 'cos I'd rather be single with God than married and without.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 02:39 PM
I can believe what Mr. dreamtime has to say, because I believe more or less that wanting something bad enough or needing something bad enough in human perspective isn't much, because God cares about our needs and wants, but it isn't the amazing thing he's doing for us, and maybe that's something we don't understand now, but will, with prayer...
However...
I wouldn't exactly deliver the crushing line of "You just don't want it bad enough." to someone desperately searching for a spouse.
The same with the dying man, will you tell him he just doesn't want to be saved bad enough? Even if he spent hours praying and asking people to pray for him every day.
That's pretty insensitive... to say the least.
I know maybe in your experience you've seen people who don't want to be married and say they do, and don't want this or that and say they do... but we were more or less commentating on the callous remarks and attitude of some church-goers.
They're more prepared to judge you and tell you what's happening to you is your fault than pray with you or help you, or at least say nothing at all, which would be preferable.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 03:53 PM
I agree that if you really do want a spouse and have talked to God about it, then you should be praying every day for it. What I don't agree with is the statement/belief that if you don't have your spouse you must not want it bad enough. Who are we to dictate to God? God does things in His own way and His time. The important thing is to seek. Seek God. Seek His will. But let us not label.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could have a CDFF get-together? We could have guest speakers and panels on some of the same topics we talk about here, and dating coaches. We could have pretend dating (like role playing) so we could all get better at it. I know I could use pointers. Wouldn't we all benefit from coaching?
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 05:42 PM
BC,
You said, "I know a lot people who treat single people as if there is something wrong with them."
Although my life's circumstances are somewhat different than others, I've actually had people, even close friends of mine get deeply upset at me for remaining single! As if they somehow knew better than I what was best for me.
I've had people in my life who've become angry at me because of the "opportunities" I've apparently missed out on - and that because of their "own" views of what "true happiness" is all about.
It has been interesting to say the least, to have people feel sorry for me because of my lack of a physical relationship, while all the while my spiritual relationship with God has done nothing but grow. And I should note, that some of those people's "physical" relationships have since ended in separation and divorce because of their lack of a meaningful relationship with God.
