Author Thread: the scale saga
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the scale saga
Posted : 11 Nov, 2010 09:07 AM

About 2 months ago on here, I started a topic asking about women's habits for weighing themselves (and then potentially skipping meals), which then turned into pages of me talking about my eating disorder with JesusLovesYouAndMe. I also told you all that I packed my scale up and put it in the trunk of my car so that I wouldn't have easy access to it.



Since then, I've gotten a few emails about eating disorders in general and/or asking how I'm doing. The answer is that I'm not doing that well. I thought I'd share, just in case anyone else can relate, or just happened to be curious about whether the scale is still hidden away.



Sadly, the scale is back in my apartment. It has been for awhile. At first, I was really okay around it and pretty much just ignored it actually. But, once I was about a week into pregnancy (or, knowing that I was pregnant rather), I panicked and started hopping on real regularly. And I was eating okay, for the baby. I still managed to gain 10 pounds in a very short amount of time. So, now that I'm post-pregnancy/miscarriage, I have this excess weight on top of my already very imperfect body.



I am really, really struggling. Now that I'm not pregnant, there's no reason for me to eat or to keep any food I do eat down, so... I haven't kept down anything I've eaten since Monday. I said to someone on the phone last night that I was going to be good today, but now that I'm actually out of bed and facing the day, I don't really feel like being good. And I really don't see the point in keeping any food down, or even really in ever eating again in the first place.



Intellectually, I know who I am in Christ and I know that the # on the scale makes no difference as for as my identity goes, but that just isn't reaching my heart right now.



I'm in this downward spiral right now and I'm scared I won't stop in time.



Anyway, I know this is more of a prayer request than anything, but I put it here since the original topic was here, and also because I'm open to discussing the topic, v. just having people pray for me.

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marikashome

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the scale saga
Posted : 15 Nov, 2010 07:16 AM

@ Pixy: my condolences on the loss of your baby. That is one of the most difficult things that can happen to a woman, and I'm sorry it happened to you.

I'll be praying. I hope that you are feeling better now, that your throat isn't so bad, that the scale isn't haunting you as much, and that you've found a way to forgive your body.

(((hugs)))

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Posted : 15 Nov, 2010 09:00 AM

Thank you; it has been very difficult.



I have been doing quite a bit better the past day or so! I am back on track with eating properly and keeping things down, and haven't hopped on the scale since Saturday!

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marikashome

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Posted : 15 Nov, 2010 04:26 PM

So happy for you! :applause:

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rainbowian

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Posted : 15 Nov, 2010 05:50 PM

That's great to hear Pixy.

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