Thread: Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Admin
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 03:09 PM
Okay, wanted to talk about something that sincerely bugs me.
This was brought up in the post "Finish this question?"
I read everything that was said, and a lot of it made sense to me, as I'm sure it did to others, but some of it didn't.
I believe God does have a will for all of us, and that we have to pray, and do things in faith, and that it's important we go to him for things we need, but I believe there's a serious and dangerous lie within this "If I get married it has to be God's will." Let me explain what I mean. These are people who are usually bombarded with these words, and almost encouraged to stay single by the church, not find a wife, or a husband.
What on earth is with this? They're complicating things that should be pretty easy, making people feel bad for wanting a spouse, and wanting to have children. I've seen this pattern before in a lot of church groups, it's extremely sad to watch.
Yes, pray and seek God's will about it, but you don't have to be doomed to a life of perpetual singleness, the person God has planned for you MAY show up at your door, but I think it's okay to look for a wife/husband in the meantime. The Lord said to go says a lot about marriage and children in the bible...I don't think he said "Well...maybe..maybe not, you should pray about it and see, you may be chosen to be single. Really, I'm not letting you know."
The gift of singleness is called a "gift" for a reason, few people have it. Which is okay. It is better to marry than to burn. Staying single doesn't give you anymore peace, anymore strength, doesn't make you anymore "holy" if you will, than realizing you need a wife/husband.
Well, I suppose this was sort of a rant, needed to be said though.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 06:17 PM
Hopefully I'm getting what your saying, if not just ignore what I'm about to say lol.
It is true one should wait on God's timing and pray, but like ministry we are His hands and feet. In other words praying is great but if you spend all your time thinking about doing something and not actually doing anything then frankly nothing will be done. (Hopefully that made sense).
I am starting to think waiting on God's timing among other things has to do with how fast you move in a relationship, once you are in one. I also think that even if the person you are expressing an interest in does not becoming your girlfriend/boyfriend they can at the very least become a really good friend.
So yeah, not sure if that addresses what you were talking about MsMarvel but anyway that is my uh 10 cents lol.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 07:08 PM
Rachel, thanks for that rant...you saved me the trouble!
I think some people swing to the other extreme. I know a lot people who treat single people as if there is something wrong with them. For some of them, it is an unconscious attitude because they were "lucky" enough to get married very young...anyone who is over 21 and not married is to be pitied. Others seem to see single people as some sort of blight on their church's flawless marriage record. It's really crazy.
Either extreme is not good. I think that God intends for most people to get married (after all, He created Eve because He said that it was not good for Adam to be alone). I also think that God gives special grace to some people so that they can devote their lives to His work as singles.
As long as I have the great desire to marry, and even as hard as it is to wait, I'm going to assume that God will allow me to meet a very special guy in His perfect time. In the meantime, I will continue to actively place myself in situations where I can meet Godly young men. Shutting myself up in the house, refusing to meet friends of friends, going into every situation with a negative attitude, having pity parties, etc....those are not ways to go about God's will for this stage of my life. And yes, I do struggle with those things more often than I care to admit. If God gives me the grace to be alone for the rest of my life, so be it. Until then, I'm still looking!
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 07:24 PM
You're both right.., but it's more than that.. and pianogal, that's really good, I wouldn't stop looking either.
You're right though, people look down on people who are single, and people just looking to find the right spouse. It's weird. You'd think they'd be happy you were taking some time considering someone, instead of rushing into a relationship too fast..but at the other end of the spectrum, it's not good to look down on people who are eagerly looking for someone to be a husband or wife for them.
It seems a lot of people just lack compassion for people's situations in life.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 07:41 PM
I know exactly what you mean, MsMarvel. Where I usually hear it is when I ask for help. People love to tell me how great I am, and that I would be perfect that mythical �Someone�. But, as soon as I ask them for help, they start telling me that I am not patient enough and that I am not willing to trust in �God�s timing�. And then, to make matters worse, they start using another Christian �truism�.
1. God sometimes withholds from us what we want to teach us.
2. I want to be married but I am not.
Therefore I must have some big sin in my life and God�s is withholding a wife from me until I repent a turn back to God. As if everyone who is married is practically perfect.
So, therefore it must be God�s will for me not to marry �at this time�, and if they were to help me, they would be keeping me from learning whatever it is that God wants to teach me. And, since I do have this �big sin� in my life (as evidenced that I am still single and not �content� enough NOT to ask for help), then I am not a good spiritual leader and not worth being involved in ministry (unless it�s doing something in the background all alone where no one can see me).
Frankly it�s all just a hurtful excuse simply because they are too proud to say that they are too embarrassed to help you.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 07:52 PM
Kind of what the church is for, right? Among other things, worshiping the Lord first of course. A lot of people put people's feelings last, especially if they're not in a high position, pretty weird.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 08:38 PM
Very true, Two. Very true. When I find myself falling into that lie trap, I have to stop and sternly remind myself that I AM happy right now. Yes, I would like to get married, but I'm not UNhappy right now.
I just feel slightly incomplete...that's all. The little corner of my heart reserved for loving and being loved by a husband is still empty. God is filling the rest of it to overflowing, but that corner is still a little dry.
Did that make sense at all? It's late...I need to go to bed and quit rambling!!!
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 09:00 PM
Thanks for bringing this up, MsMarvelous
Pianogal once again hit all my points. I, too, have had people treat me like a leper because I was not married. There was a time in my life when God clearly told me NOT to look, and I am not making this up when I say people would avoid me. They would stop talking to me - stop inviting me places --- because they didn't know how to handle a young eligible woman who was NOT looking for a husband.
Cobbler -- those people who say such things are ignorant and do not know their Bible. What they said is NOT what God's word says.
