Author	Thread: Advice.....
Admin	Advice..... Posted : 10 Mar, 2011 01:00 PM So what can I do to be more available? I guess I can be shy at first and kind of cryptic, but I'm one of those "you have to get to know me" kind of guys. Any advice from the christian women? I know it is really broad, but any advice would be awesome! Post Reply
View Profile History	Advice..... Posted : 10 Mar, 2011 02:04 PM Here is the advice to end all advice: Just be yourself.... Never worked for me either. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Advice..... Posted : 10 Mar, 2011 06:45 PM Just be yourself! (Sorry Cobbler, I just had to say it. :goofball: ) OK, so sometime being yourself doesn't work so well...especially if you are shy and awkward. I know how you feel. Here's the short(ish) version of my story... I'm shy (though not painfully so), and sometimes I think that awkward is my middle name. Even though I'm not naturally very outgoing, I have been making an effort to be friendlier for the past couple years. I can't say that my efforts have paid off in the dating world, though. I still haven't been asked out even once in spite of getting to know several single guys about my age. People tell me frequently that I just need to be myself, be patient, and wait for God to bring along the right guy. That's all fine and good, but the people who so freely give that advice aren't the ones struggling at the moment! If you are struggling with meeting new girls, I only have one piece of advice...get out there and FIND some new girls. You might have to put in some time and effort, and it might turn out that you still don't meet someone special, but if you aren't at least trying, don't complain about not meeting new girls. And the good news is that you are a guy...it's totally acceptable for you to ask out an interesting girl. If you are having trouble getting to know the girls you do meet, or getting dates with them, I probably can't tell you anything you haven't already heard. Perhaps, though, it might help if I tell you what I personally would appreciate from a guy who might fit your brief description of yourself... 1) You described yourself as "kind of cryptic." I'm not sure what that means...do you tend to beat around the bush, talk in riddles, say the opposite of what you mean, try to be funny all the time, etc? I will say that it is a huge turn-off for me if a guy talks in riddles or constantly drops hints and expects me to "get" them. And if he is constantly joking, I wouldn't know whether or not to take a date invitation seriously. 2) Get to know a girl, decide whether you might be interested in dating her or not, and then just simply ask her out if you want to. Bluntly. No cute pick-up lines, no attempts to get her to do the asking. If she refuses you, gracefully accept her answer. If she accepts, give her a big smile and suggest a time and place that you have already thought about...but be flexible and have another option ready. If you leave it too open ended, she might think that your request for a date was a last-minute, do-or-die, now-or-never sort of spontaneous explosion of words. Planning ahead is good. 3) If you are shy, that's ok. It can even be cute as long as you aren't visibly trembling. Blush a little, shuffle your feet, stammer, get all tongue-tied...I think that most girls won't care. Just don't let your shyness get in the way of having a fun time on that date when you do get it. If the shyness is crippling, a girl will likely feel exhausted from constantly trying to make up for your shyness on the date. 4) And finally, seriously, be yourself. If you try to be someone you aren't, the girl will catch on pretty quickly. Sure, you can put your best foot forward. Just don't put it out there so far that you trip over it. Has this helped any at all? Or did I just succeed in making you as frustrated as other people make me? Post Reply
View Profile History	Advice..... Posted : 10 Mar, 2011 09:06 PM Thank you for the advice both of yall! I appreciate it a lot. When I say Cryptic I guess I mean I'm hard to read. Your right i need to put myself out there more and just give it to god. I always am myself, but once I get passed a certain point I'm not as shy at all. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	Advice..... Posted : 10 Mar, 2011 09:57 PM I think "be yourself" is often hard to understand. When I've asked women about it, what they generally end up saying is that they don't like it when a man is faking things with them. This means you need to seek to be authentic (or at least a reasonable facsimile thereof) in your dealings with the fairer sex. Post Reply
View Profile History	Advice..... Posted : 11 Mar, 2011 09:54 PM Separating yourself from your parents, friends, peers, etc. and what/who they want you to be and finding out and pursuing what you like to do, what you're passionate about, who you want to be and finding yourself in doing that. Being a self-sufficient source of energy. Finding your own style in not so many words. That's how I think of it, as far as being yourself goes. Post Reply