Author	Thread: The "friends first" thing is a lie
Admin	The "friends first" thing is a lie Posted : 17 Mar, 2011 05:22 PM I know that sounds vague and close minded, but I know it to be true from personal experience. Let's say for the sake of argument, a guy and a girl meet and they become friends. They hang out with other friends, share with each other how life is, laugh and tell jokes, and they keep in touch on facebook, etc. Then as time goes by, the guy starts to find the girl attractive and so he eventually rounds up the courage to ask her out. She says "no" because he apparently isn't "cute enough", doesn't have the personality she's looking for or he's a "nice guy", but she doesn't feel any romatic interest in him, or whatever her reason is for turning him down. So they both go home and then the girl doesn't want to speak to the guy ever again because she is now freaked out by the fact that he likes her. Or if they happen to somehow remain the friends they were despite his romantic feelings for her (which is very rare), suddenly the guy feels awkward when he finds the girl cuddling in the arms of another man who managed to get the girl's interest (something he failed at miserably). He smiles and nods and pretends to be happy for her, but deep down inside he feels like a complete and total failure. Sadly, I personally have become a victim of all the above mentioned. It happens far too many times. That is why I personally don't care for the "friends first" idea. It's a double edged sword and it hurts like mad when it cuts you. And yet the ladies wonder why it's so difficult for guys to have courage to ask them out. I hear all the time from ladies that the men are suppose to iniate the relationship, but yet they make it virtually impossible for men to do so. Why are you ladies like that? Post Reply
View Profile History	The "friends first" thing is a lie Posted : 17 Mar, 2011 06:56 PM jahjah, I haven't had the experiences you have but my personal opinion is that being friends first makes for a longer, more loving relationship. I don't think I could be romantically involved with a girl if we weren't friends first. The girls may view this differently. Looking forward to seeing their answers to your question. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	The "friends first" thing is a lie Posted : 17 Mar, 2011 07:54 PM I agree with Chevy that the best, most loving, romantic relationship will grow from friendship. But as a girl, I also know that I have guy friends that I wouldn't want to date. I also know that it would be very difficult to have to tell any one of them "no" if he were to ask me out. I care about them, and I don't want to hurt them. It must take an enormous amount of courage to ask out a girl, and rejection must be absolutely crushing. I know it's hard to see a girl who rejected you suddenly find a special guy. I've experienced that from a girl's perspective (the guy found a special girl, and I had to hear all about her and how wonderful she was, and the whole time I was thinking "What makes her so much better than me? Why did you ask her out, and not me?"). If things get too hard, you may need to even distance yourself from the friend for a time, just so that you don't get bitter or put a damper on your friend's joy. But please, don't give up or quit asking girls out just because some of them don't want to date you! You only need one girl to be attracted to you enough to date you, and we girls need you guys to keep on trying! Your girl friends who truly care about you will do their best to show you that they care for you as a friend, but not as a girlfriend, and will do their best to be considerate of your feelings when they do find a special guy. Post Reply
Tulip89 View Profile History	The "friends first" thing is a lie Posted : 17 Mar, 2011 08:18 PM I've got to agree with both you and Chevy. It's wise to get to know a girl well before you commit to a relationship with her, but at the same time, it's pretty apparent early on if there's chemistry or not. If you're completely just platonic friends, it's extremely unlikely that anything is going to evolve from that. It only makes sense then that a hybrid approach would work best. If you two click right off the bat, go on a date maybe once a week or so. That way you can slowly take your time to get to know her better, but with the romantic part already on the table. If she says she just wants to be friends first, take it as a sign that she's uninterested unless she proves you wrong first. Post Reply
TonyP View Profile History	The "friends first" thing is a lie Posted : 20 Mar, 2011 10:27 AM know exactly what you mean. I think you have to be friends to get to know the person and figure out if you want to take the relationship further. If you dont click as friends how are you going to get along as a couple. Post Reply
Firehawk View Profile History	The "friends first" thing is a lie Posted : 20 Mar, 2011 10:45 PM jahjah, I totally feel your pain. I have tried the friends route a couple times, both ended badly. It has definitely left some scars. On the other hand, I can see that process being successful. For me, I prefer knowing her some before asking anyways, but that sure comes with a cost. I suppose it would depend on the individuals involved. Post Reply