Author	Thread: Dating after abuse??
luvinpray View Profile History	Dating after abuse?? Posted : 5 Nov, 2013 06:43 PM I have a question about dating after abuse? I have a long history with abusive guys, so when I finally realized something was wrong I stopped dating, ended up becoming a Christian, and really healing my life. I didn't date for about 2 years. My best friend and I decided to date because we felt a connection there. Well dating him just didn't feel right. I didn't feel like he was going to be the man I marry, so there was no reason to keep dating him. I valued his friendship way more then I did a boyfriend. So my question is what does healthy dating feel like? Do you still get all those feelings like butterflies, and little crush? Do you think maybe I just need more time to sort through how I feel? I guess I'm just confused about the whole Christian dating. It is so different then how I used to date. For one the men are different, they actually treat you with respect, and are kind to you. They value your opinions. But they take forever to ask girls out too. lol. So you have trouble knowing if they like you. Most of my past relationships were based on sex and abuse. Which I haven't been sexual now for two years, I wonder if that will change the chemistry and feelings towards a guy I date. I don't believe that Christians should be having sex, I've seen too much of the consquences of it, so I know I won't want that in my future relationships unless he puts a ring on it. Should I just stay single and not date until I figure out myself more? Or should I date as long as I can keep it healthy and pure? I missed a lot of the social interaction that most people have when they are younger. At 18 I got married, and was married till I was 27 to an abusive controlling man. So my social dating skills are lacking big time. lol. I still have a hard time getting to know a guy and trusting him. My best friend is the first guy I've let get so close to me, and it's been a year since we met. I've noticed as each year passes and I heal more, my self esteem grows and my wants in a relationship change. So maybe I just need to make more healthy male friend relationships? Post Reply
luvinpray View Profile History	Dating after abuse?? Posted : 16 Jan, 2014 04:32 PM Thank you so much. I wanted to update ya'll on the situation. I decided not to date right now. But I still keep this website because I have found valuable friends and good conversation. Sadly I am still in the abusive situation but it is from afar. We have been divorced three years now, and have a ten year old daughter together. When I left him, my daughter and I were actually in Hubbard house, to get away from him. He is very abusive emotionally, verbally, financially, and sexually. He was only physically abusive with walls, and trash cans and things. I had everything in my court to get full custody, and probably take his rights away, or at least get supervised visits. But I was so scared of him and his parents. They harassed me, and threatened me. He also contested the divorce. I let my mom and his mom make the divorce arrangements, so we split everything down the middle. Long story short, he isn't a preacher anymore, he is addicted to methadone, bipolar, and ocd, and cannot keep a job or pay child support. Everytime I would take him to court for child support, him and his parents would harass me and threaten me. It worked over the years, but enough is enough. It's been three years, and I don't deserve to be treated like this, and he is not showing any improvement, and ins't stepping up to be a parent. So I filed for no contact with his dad and him, but contact with the grandmother. Since then the grandmother won't talk to me, and everyday he threatens me through text telling me I'm a horrible mom, I'm evil, and a liar, etc etc. Our court date should be in three months. I am hoping and praying that the court sees the control and manipulation and abusive behavior, and stops visitation. The other thing is my daughter is ten, she rarely ever wants to see her dad. She does want a relationship with the grandma. It is a weird situation because the grandmother is being abused to. I was in tears today at work, from the texts from him. I just don't understand how he can treat me like this. It never is about my daughter, it just seems like he doesn't want me happy. I also don't want my daughter to think this is how men are sopposed to be. My mom, and my grandmother were in abusive relationships (my mom still is with my dad), and it was passed on to me. I refuse to pass that on to my daughter. So if I have to not date until I have a healthy man come into my life so be it. I have a lot of healthy nice Christian male friends around that are good male figures for her. So please pray for me, and for my ex husband. That God's will be done in this court situation. And as for the one comment, yes some of the "abuse" may have been because we were young, etc. But the rest of it is not. He is now 32 and I'm 29, and he still yells, cusses, degrades me whenever he doesn't get his way. Post Reply
View Profile History	Dating after abuse?? Posted : 15 Mar, 2014 09:43 AM Generalizations are not good and fair. I haven�t stopped dating for bad experiences... I stopped these since 2011, when I picked someone wrong, besides, money is needed to make it and I m living with few dollars a day. :laugh: Missed in a way I never suspected... I believed you were the way you said you were but, Chances came to show who we were not. Hope I forget those eyes I liked and loved when falling Enticed by appearances {words} that seemed to be real... Love won�t desert you, whomever you are. Love won�t leave you, if you really deserve it Esteem yourself, �cos that�s the faith -and love- that won�t fall apart. Post Reply

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