The way you wrote this poem reminds me how I suffered many nights is very much in contrast of the emotional and physical pain I felt each night I would try to sleep. I remember begging God over and over to please take the sadness away. I would say, I don't understand. what did I do? I was living a christian life according to your word! How can you expect me to tell
others about you if I'm crying and can't stop? Makes no sense God. I'll make this as brief as i can but I want to hear your story.
I was a registered nurse for 20 yrs at a hospital. I was married for almost 20 yrs and had 2 beautiful kids. I shouldered all the responsibility of doing the chores. I pressure washed the house and I mowed the lawn as well. I took my kids to church, I monitored the kids school work, went to all parent teacher meetings if needed. I also bought the groceries and put them away .
My ex husband refused to help me at all. Each month, i would sit calmly and say, I can't do this much longer by myself. Then, it happened. I started forgetting to eat, less sleep, no relaxation. I was on a house call and i could tell you what city i was in but couldn't tell you how to get home. My twin sean, talked to me on the cell phone until i got home. I had short term memory loss. my blood pressure was 170/100. I was so exhausted, I wasn't able to bathe, remember to eat or take my blood pressure meds. For the next 4 mo, I cried nonstop. when I wasn't sleeping, I was crying and when I wasn't crying, I was sleeping. It was as if my brain crashed like a computer and I felt blank. I couldn't feel any enjoyment whatsoever. Anyway, my ex left me even though I asked him to stay 4 times. He said not enough love to sustain this marriage. I was so angry at God. I kept saying, I don't care that I lost my job, house,etc..... I said, those are just things. I said, all I want is to get well and tell others what you have done for me. time frame-2013. happened in 2011. Got divorced 2014. Anyway,I have forgiven my ex . he apologized for contributing to my breakdown. He was also emotionally
abusive. As for today, no medications work, However, when he left, I felt
free and I began to clean my house for the first time since 2011. I finally had the strength to do it. I just knew I was headed for full recovery then but no lol I finally said God, I accept that I have an illness, I have choices, I choose to accept life as it is for right now. If I can feel enjoyment, I'll try to make it last as long as i can. However, if i am having a bad day, I'll do the best i can. I said God, I choose to no longer fight life, I'm going to simply allow it to happen because i have no control over anything. Now, I'm not the only one with depression in this world,it's just, I couldn't get any relief from it.Then, that night, I heard the song and God opened my heart and mind.
