If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 1 Oct, 2012 06:43 AM
Why it seems that all people you met,interested with and being involved with despite having you,still looking for another relationship.How,you guys,or what you can advice to women, so you can avoid synchronized relationship?
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 5 Oct, 2012 12:00 PM
Well, we do need to forgive eachother as Christ has forgiven us. Unforgiveness is a sin after all. Second chances on the other hand would probably vary for each circumstance and the people involved. God does heal all wounds and can heal a broken relationship. A person can forgive but that doesn't necessarily mean they have to put themself in that situation again. I think one would have to seek God and find out what God wants them to do. God bless!!
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 6 Oct, 2012 12:36 PM
Nope, once a cheat, always a cheat. If you forgive them and take them back, they just think youre a sucker and will do it again, and again, and again, and again...
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 6 Oct, 2012 02:04 PM
Apostelle,
What you said reminds me of my mom. She held a grudge from the beginning of the marriage over something that eventually destroyed the marriage. Basically, she kept trying to get involved with someone else behind dad's back because she had never forgiven him...and she kept doing this until finally dad told her she needed to get out. Who could blame him after 20 years of marriage?! Needless to say, mom finally got a divorce and married another man, only to be sorry a few years later because she's less happy with the man she's married to now. Dad doesn't want her back now, and I can't blame him after some of the stuff she did over the past few years. If you don't fix a problem in a timely efficient manner, it develops into a lifetime of regret. The stupid part about it is this: Mom almost always tried to play the victim, yet she's the one who was running the other way and hurting the people around her (including me). As a result of some of her actions, I was never able to get my driver's license until I was 21 years old. This is partly because I was home-schooled, but also because mom left not long after I got my learner's permit...and she was basically the only one who would ever let me drive. Dad wouldn't get off his "can" and take me driving. Whenever dad was in the vehicle, he insisted that he be the one driving. He kept complaining over the years because I didn't have my driver's license, but he was the one who wouldn't do anything about it! By the time he finally got off his "rear end" and decided to do something about it, my learner's permit had expired...so just imagine the embarrassment of having to walk into DMV under those circumstances. I felt like everyone was staring at me. The saddest part is this: When I was 18, I missed out on a possible relationship with a young lady who I had met years before in the public school...and it was probably because she found out that I didn't have a driver's license. She knew I was interested in her, but she never told me anything even though she had acted like maybe she was interested in me. Anyway, I know I've drifted away from the original topic, so I guess I'll stop here.
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 6 Oct, 2012 07:16 PM
SIGU, thank you for sharing. My mother met my father when she was 14. He was 19. They were not allowed to "go out" to date. They dated at my grandparents home. When my mother was 17, they married. Within a year, he had cheated on her, but she loved him and forgave him. The night before my oldest sister was born, he was with another women. Now, he admitted this to me. When my sister died at six weeks of age, he was with his "girlfriend" instead of being beside my sisters bedside, with my mother and other family members. During the next 3 years, he cheated with every women who was willing and each time my mother forgave him. By early 1967 their marriage was in shambles. One evening, my mother received a telephone call. A man told her that my father was running around with his daughter... his 14 year old daughter. He said he was hunting for my father and was planning to kill him.
As I said, their marriage was in shambles and my mother had had enough. What love she had for him, he had destroyed. My mother asked the man "give me enough time to get some life insurance on him". No, my mother didnt take out any life insurance and my father lived until December, 1993.
My father's pattern went something like this. He would cheat, then apologize. Cheat, then buy my mother a gift, apologize, and promise to never cheat again if she wouldnt leave him. Then he would cheat again...and on...and on...and on...
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a snake, always a snake. A leopard can not change its spots.
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 6 Oct, 2012 09:56 PM
Its unfortunate, but that rarely happens TBK. A cheater knows nothing about Christ. He or she may claim to know our Saviour, but their actions say otherwise.
Very few cheaters change. The 1/1,000,000 that do, do so only through the power of God. Every cheater Ive known has continued to cheat. Thats cold hard facts, thats not wishful thinking.
"ohhh if I just stay with them, maybe my faith will be a good influence on them". Thats called a martyr complex.
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 6 Oct, 2012 11:00 PM
Actually Apostelle, I think your statistics are inaccurate. Feel free to provide any actual studies or research that proves your point. It would be interesting to know the real numbers.
What I have read generally suggests that anywhere from 20-50% of cheaters are actually repeat offenders. That would mean that anywhere from 50-80% do not cheat again.
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 7 Oct, 2012 07:49 AM
Apostelle
that is a very Sad story. I agree that a cheater can only be changed through the Power of Christ by Excepting Jesus as Savior and letting him do the work in Man.
Abusers ask forgiveness over and over and still do the same thing as well. So, Only through Jesus can this behavior be corrected. Men that do those kind of things are not "Saved" anyway. Godly men do not do those type of things.
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 7 Oct, 2012 05:16 PM
I think we're confusing two not-entirely separate issues here as though they were one and the same thing: forgiveness vs seconds chances.
If you desire to be holy, as the Lord your God is holy, then it's not a question of how many times you should forgive someone. Jesus Himself said seventy times seven, which in practical terms meant don't even keep count. This is of course much easier when you're in love with one you're forgiving, than if you were ambivalent at best towards them. I'll come back to this in a moment.
With regard to second chances, God does indeed give them, and often where we think they're not deserved too. But there is a caution attached, the command to "go and sin no more" because ultimately if you're basing your behaviour on being given another chance, a time will come when there are no more chances to be had and you will have to face the consequences you've thus far escaped. There can be no argument that God has forgiven much more than anyone else in history, but even He has set a day for judgement, because His holiness requires justice to be done and accounts to be settled - this is not like "tomorrow" which never comes, a date has been set and (whenever that happens to be) we are moving closer to it each day.
What's important to realise is that being forgiven doesn't automatically grant you another chance, and if it's an area you're recognised to be weak in, it can be more loving to withhold the temptation from you than letting you slide into sin again for the sake of our own conscience! It's for this reason we are to "confess our sins to one another" - not because we need someone else to judge us, but to recognise when we're being tempted in our weakest areas and be able to pull us out of them before we fall again.
I'll close on this: God loves you truly, madly, deeply! You cannot begin to grasp His love for you until you've experienced it yourself, and even then, new heights and depths will still take your breath away when you realise them. For that reason alone He forgives you, and to see you keep falling into the same sin wounds Him. If that's you, then why not make a real commitment that you won't just try harder, you'll actively run from the situations where these things start, and that you'll find a Christian whom you can trust and confide in to help keep you away from unhealthy environments. For the rest, earnestly ask God that you would become the type of Christian that others in very real sin know they can trust with their darkest deeds without gossiping or judging, and uphold them when they face temptations.
If you were being cheated,do you give a second chance?
Posted : 8 Oct, 2012 05:58 AM
No, a person in and of himself cannot change, but with Jesus all things are possible. As a Christian, forgiveness is a must otherwise our Heavenly Father will not forgive us. This does not mean that we should or need to put ourself back in the same circumstance but we are called to forgive.
