.....are seeking a sister with "substantial life experience" vs. one with "limited life experience"?
Now I know this question would obviously reflect on where you are in your life, your age and what experiences you yourself may have already had. I'm really trying to get at what the average brother prefers......why?.....well myself whose older, but yet young at heart(smile)lol, would appreciate being paired with someone mature, but with an innocence about them.....an openness of heart(smile)! Us both being able to learn, grow and appreciate life equally.......together! Honestly, I feel age is but a number, but an attitude of wanting and willing to share life anew with that special someone, takes more heart......though I understand some life experience won't hurt......just my thoughts(smile)!
Jesuslives4ever.....trust me my brother, I totally understand your position and stance. The problem, in my opinion, with all that is our plans are usually not be Gods' plans! Our ways are simply not HIS! If He desires that our life partner to do His work in this earth, is someone who has experienced "life", are we to put them aside because we feel their backgrounds were questionable? Trust me I understand.....but you'd still have to ask yourself, God's will or my will?
Because of my "life experiences" it depends. I've been married twice, (once for a few months and one for 15 years). Both of my wives were intimate with married men before I knew them and both of them cheated on me. I've learned in the last year my last wife cheated on almost all of her previous boyfriends and the married guy she dated she got him to divorce his wife and get engaged to her and then she cheated on him. So, I guess because I've experienced that I'd say no to someone who has done that.
I'm also a Biblical guy so if your last marriage ended because you cheated on your husband than I am not interested.
On the other hand because of my divorces I found out a ton of thing in my character that was ugly and needed to be cut out of my heart. Those experiences brought me closer to God and more appreciative of the little things. After my first marriage it also really helped me realize how hard you have to work for your relationship and after this last marriage I've learned a ton about loving mercy, peace and to forgive. So, the pain of going through a divorce helped me become closer to God and also a better person. So, if someone is divorced that is actually a positive to me if you've learned from it and were able to grow from it and let it go.
Having kids also changed me. I used to want title, money, respect, etc. and now I just want to be a great dad. My perspective on life has changed and I feel like I am a really good dad so I don't want to loose that. So, if someone has kids and family is important to them too then that's a bonus to me.
So, I guess my life experiences dictate what others life experiences hold weight with me and I would suspect that is the way with most people. We all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God.
Thank you mercifulpeace! My exact sentiments.....our own life experiences will probably dictate our final choices in a mate, whether we want them to or not. But yes, we ALL have fallen short! God bless.
The reason I take the stand I do is based upon the bible of marrying someone of like faith and also if I would marry a woman who has scars of previous relationships I would have to deal with all the baggage that comes along with it! I am not interested in dealing with that!
Everyone has scars and everyone has baggage. It may be from a past relationship, a past job or in a lot cases from parents. Sometimes you don't discover your baggage until later in life and sometimes you learn the effects of it sooner.
I've that we all are a little narcissistic but some of us are damaged narcissists meaning we don't heal. My x-wife is a damaged narcissist, (covert narcissist) and I feel like I barely survived her. I'm also a caregiver so I tend to be attracted to women who need fixing which has given me more crazy relationships than I care to have had. So I agree with not wanting to go through that again and I would like to avoid someone who is damaged like that, but assuming all people who are divorced are damaged beyond repair or aren't better because of it is at best judgmental and may be arrogant. Maybe I'm just reading it different that what you mean and if so I apologize.
Hebrews 5 (NLT)
8 Even though Jesus was God�s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.
We'd all love a perfect life where we are obedient to Christ automatically and find the perfect mate who is the same but that's not how it worked for me. I had to learn to be obedient to God through suffering and I am grateful for it.
Philippians 3 (NLT)
7 I once thought all these things were so very important, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I may have Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 As a result, I can really know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I can learn what it means to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that, somehow, I can experience the resurrection from the dead!
I believe there is benefit to really knowing Christ by having fellowship with him in his sufferings. Do I want to take the cup that is before me when I know it is suffering...no. And I have prayed before God please take this cup from me yet not as I will but your will be done. So, no I do not want to suffer but if I need to suffer to know Christ better then lets do this God but please catch me if/when I fall. The woman you automatically are rejecting because they are divorced or have had some other painful experience very well may be damaged beyond your ability to help but they very well may be closer to Christ than most of us because of it too.
Believe me, because of some of my past relationships I'm scared too but that just means I have to pray and trust God more.
This is the reason Ive given up on finding a wife. Im a 46 year old virgin. I was raised in the faith and born again as a young teenager. I don't drink or do drugs.
There are almost no women who meet what I am looking for in a wife, especially in the US. Im no willing to go outside the US for a wife.
