Thread: How can I explain to him and get results?..
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How can I explain to him and get results?..
Posted : 27 May, 2009 01:27 PM
I am currently talking with a gentleman who appears to be a very good man, but can be very blunt without any empathy for ones feelings (on occasions)... For example; the current situation is that I have some past debt and issues to clear up, in-which he volunteered to pay for., so he told me to see what all has to be done and tell him the final cost... okay, after doing so I called him and explained everything in detail and gave him the amount... He replied with me bringing baggage into the relationship and that he isn't pleased with it (and really copped an attitude)...
He then got upset because of my present obligations (of me having to be financially responsible for rent, until my current roommates can afford or have someone to pay what I'm currently responsible for)... So by me living on limited income (which he was already aware of), all of my money's go to bills... I never asked him to take on the responsibilities of me, "he volunteered"... For when I told him not to worry about it, that it was a consequence that I had to pay for "he gotten even more angry and said that it was his obligation as a man that was currently in my life"...
Questions:
1. How do I get him to see, "that it's not what you say, but how you say it", and that I didn't ask for any hand outs "he took it upon himself, so he shouldn't have an attitude with me?" (Without him becoming angry or offended)...
2. Am I wrong for getting my feelings hurt?
3. How should I resolve the matter (with giving him credit of being the man and satisfying him, "without angering him any further or adding fuel to the fire").
For everything I say, digs a deeper hole... Please be honest with me, for I am a woman that wants to do right by my man (in all thy ways), and be able to handle future situations successfully without arguments or dis-respect... Thanks in advance, for all of your response's!...
Can you help us out by answering a few questions? How long have you been communicating, and have you met in person,are you engaged, and is the debt more than he thought it was?
He really has no obligation to pay your debts until you are married, and if he offered to pay then I do not understand what he is mad about. Could he be judging you for not handling your finances correctly in his view?
5. Could he be judging you for not handling your finances correctly in his view?
Answer:
1. A little over a month...
2. Yes, last week...
3. Sorta, we agreed to this time next year...
4. No, not really (for in order to get results, it's cheap... yet there are and will be ballances that are reduced to liens, due to how old the matter is at hand)...
5. Yes I feel that he is prejudging me for something that pre-exsisted from my past, "yet his credit stinks" (and he doesn't want to do anything about it, "but I don't hold that against him")...
Yes, I told him that he didn't have to pay these things (for I blame no one but myself), "but he feels obligated"... That's why I asked if a man wouldn't mind being honest with me and speak upon a man's point of view (because I don't want to "pre-judge him and jump to conclusions either", for two wrongs don't make a right)... You feel me?.. and yes, it is moving a little fast (but I believe when you ask God for something, you must be patient and work with what He sends)... Am I wrong for feeling this way?... "again, thanks for responding (because your opinions do help me sort out things, and it might help those who are afraid to ask questions)... :yay:
We just have to be careful because sometimes we may think that God has sent someone, but it is not always the case. Go slow my sister, keep your eyes open, and pray.
Leave this relationship. Run for the hills! I read both your initial post, as well as your response to Lydia. She knows me well enough to know that I will not just post something without giving it some serious thought or prayerful consideration.
I was not even planning to comment here, but I do believe that as family, we have an obligation to step in to try and protect one another when we can sense impending danger.
Your opening line says it all. Just because a man "appears" to be a certain way, doesn't guarantee that he is. The man whom God has chosen for you IS to be a reflection of Jesus in your life. Jesus was and IS loving, patient, and compassionate. He is also your provider. A truly Godly man/mate would never, ever provide assistance in exchange for condemnation! Nevah, evah!
The enemy of our souls will send counterfeits our way with the attempt of distracting us from following God's path, and His plans for our lives. I don't need to meet this person to know that he is not God's plan for your life.
Remember, the Word states that God gave us power, love and a sound mind. The fact that you are experiencing confusion so early in this relationship proves that the Holy Spirit is at work in you. Non-believers would call this listening to your instincts. As a believer, you have a built in alarm systemcalled discernment. Please, please do NOT ignore it.
Feel free to email me if you want prayer, or a list of other sisters on this site who I know who'll be more than willing to stand in the gap for you.
The enemy of our souls will send counterfeits our way with the attempt of distracting us from following God's path, and His plans for our lives. I don't need to meet this person to know that he is not God's plan for your life.
Remember, the Word states that God gave us power, love and a sound mind. The fact that you are experiencing confusion so early in this relationship proves that the Holy Spirit is at work in you. Non-believers would call this listening to your instincts. As a believer, you have a built in alarm system called discernment. Please, please do NOT ignore it.
Jocelyn,
You are a wise woman, this is very good advise given in love.
:angel:... thanks Lydia, "I feel ya girl"... It seems like we can see and help others, but when it comes to us helping ourselves "we either have doubt or second guess the situation" (time after time)... "I just don't want to miss my blessings or be so judgemental"... (For I don't want to be a skeleton that is still yet waiting on the perfect man, "that still sits alone") :ROFL:... May you be forever blessed in your endevours, and again "thank you"...:waving:
If you were only talking for a month, I wouldnt believe anything anyone said that soon. That's all a rush of emotions. You need time to test it and see how solid a commitment is before money exchanges hands, etc.
Very good point tristan07, "for as I stated before, it's moving much too fast"... Because now, he wants us to move in together!.. Somehow I still believe dreams do come true, when we have faith & believe... Yet, "everything takes and get better with time"... I keep telling him that we should slow it down a bit, "but he states that he's waited a lifetime for me" (and that life is about chances)... Yet, I didn't like the controlling & condeming dispert... What is your feelings on that? (and I truly thank you for your responce) :peace: for peace & serenity in a relationship means a lot to me...
