I've really been struggling for about a month with a feeling of bitterness. I've also found myself becoming cynical. Yes, it usually has to do with the fact that I'm still single. My 28th birthday is only 6 days away. My mom was 28 when she got married...but she met my dad when she was 27. I haven't met anyone yet.
I don't want to be bitter and cynical. I know those aren't attractive qualities. They SURE aren't very Christ-like. The only way I know of to deal with them, though, is to pray really hard, spend time in God's Word, and keep myself as busy as possible.
Any thoughts on how to deal with bitterness and cynicism? I know the "right" answers...I want practical answers!
Two, you said, "Lastly, crucify your flesh, it is NOT in charge! God is faithful and will give you what you need WHEN you need it, take joy in that thought."
I DO take joy in that thought! There are many times that I think about how great of a future my loving Father must be preparing me for...even if it isn't "great" in the way I want it to be. Even if it is full of suffering and loneliness. Even if I never get married and have kids. Even if all my hopes and dreams never become reality. God still must have something great planned for me because He loves me. And I know He'll give me the grace and faith to deal with whatever comes. Of that I have no doubt. But sometimes just knowing that doesn't seem to be enough. That's when I struggle against the bitterness and cynicism. I have to be reminded constantly that God is totally in charge, and that His plans are unimaginably better than mine!
So, thanks for reminding me of it! I've been feeling much better the past couple days, and I'm even better now!
I don�t fail because I am afraid to succeed, I am afraid of failure because I don�t know what success is. I have tried and tried and tried, and all I do is fail. Failure doesn�t build confidence, success does.
You just keep proving my point, the more I ask for help, the more it �proves� that I shouldn�t be helped. The only way someone will help me is if I can prove that I can do it on my own.
Thanks pianogal, we all go through it, I guess the key is to go 'through' it and not wallow in it. .....lol...reminds me of another song...."When you're going through hell, just keep going"!
Two, you are the perfect example of how the church treats single men. I beg and beg for help, and the only thing you do is throw accusations at me. The fact that I have to ask for help is proof that I am either not trying, or there is something spiritually wrong with me. There is absolutely no way that you will ever come to the conclusion that I might actually need help, because if I was �right with God� I wouldn�t need it. You won�t even try to help just so that you can prove me wrong.
That�s what hurts the most, people can�t even be bothered to try. Where is the love in that?
Yikes! This did get totally heated! I saw 18 replies and was hoping that meant that lots of encouragement had been left here for pianogal... *shakes head* That said, I'm going to attempt to say what's on my mind (primarily in response to Cobbler) without adding more fuel to the fire.
I think that it is a very dangerous thing spiritually when we base our joy and contentment (or lack thereof) on our circumstances. When we say that cannot be joyful or contended because of the situation we're in, we make several incorrect statements about God. Here are some of them:
1. The Holy Spirit doesn't really provide peace and comfort like that Bible claims He does.
2. God cannot redeem our circumstances (or maybe anything?).
3. God does not have a purpose for our trials.
4. God does not equip us to do what He instructs us to do (be joyful, thankful, and contented).
5. Our identity is based upon what happens to us and has nothing to do with who we are in Christ.
First of all, the fact that the opposite of those things IS true, is cause for joy. Secondly, the fact that they are lies should make it clear who the origin of these thoughts are (Satan) and convict us to make different choices about our attitudes.
So, how do we choose joy and contentment? A big part of it for me is Philippians 4:4-8, which says,
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable�if anything is excellent or praiseworthy�think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me�put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
So, we are to:
1. Rejoice ALWAYS (not only when things are going the way we want them to.
2. Be gentle to ALL (quite the opposite of spewing anger, angst, and negativity).
3. Don't be anxious about anything (which would include finding a spouse!).
4. Pray about the things that we're tempted to be anxious about.
5. Express thankfulness when we pray about those things.
6. Think about what is true.
7. Think about what is noble.
8. Think about what is right.
9. Think about what is pure.
10. Think about what is lovely.
11. Think about what is admirable.
12. Think about what is excellent.
13. Think about what is praiseworthy.
14. Put God's precepts in to practice.
(Who has time to be bitter and cynical when you're sincerely focusing on all 14 of these things everyday?)
When we do those things, here's what happens:
1. God's peace will guard our hearts and minds.
2. God will be with us.
I can't think of any better way to battle the bitterness and cynicism than having God with me and having His peace guard my heart and mind. When I choose to obey, then I choose that protection over my heart and mind.
I would challenge you to meditate on this passage and to maybe even journal out prayers that touch all 14 of the things we are supposed to do. Grab a sheet of paper each night, number it 1 through 14, and write out a sentence or two for each. A couple or three weeks ago, I printed out this passage (several times) and have taped it up all over my apartment. It's on every mirror I have. It's on the wall above the scale. It's on the refrigerator door. It's everywhere. Wherever I'm sitting or standing in my apartment, I see this passage. It's a continual reminder to me that I need to be working on training my mind and rejecting the bitterness and cynicism is CONSTANTLY trying to creep in. (And, as you well know, I have A LOT to be bitter over in my life!)
Something else I thought of...
I admin a rape recovery group on Facebook, and something we've been talking about some in there is the barriers that think are preventing us from healing completely. It's been expressed multiple times that rape survivors feel like they can't heal and move when their rapist was never prosecuted/sentenced. The lack of earthly justice is seen as this barrier to recovering and being joyful again. Something I told one of the women in the group recently in this: What is your ultimate goal in life? Is your life goal really to see someone behind bars? Is that really what you want to spend everyday of the rest of your life dwelling on? Would it be more appropriate to say that your goal is to be happy? And is it possible that there are roads to happiness other than seeing someone get punished? Do you think how you are living today will help you accomplish being happy? (If it hasn't been working for the past few years, do you really think it's suddenly going to work?)
Relating that to a desire to get married, I would say that marriage is NOT to be our goal. Is it a Godly desire? Absolutely! But, it is not our life goal. When Paul talks about pressing on towards the goal, he's not talking about trying to achieve our desires (no matter how good they are). As Christians, our goal is to make Christ known, both through how we live our own lives and through ministering to others. The byproduct of obeying God in that is that we have His peace and we're not continually feeling discontent and bitter. We can't expect to feel Godly peace when we're not living in obedience.
So, if you want to not be bitter and cynical, it's valuable to think of what YOU (with God's help, of course) can do to make that happen. It's clear to me, Cobbler, that what you've been doing isn't working. And I think it's probably clear to most of us that obsessing over wanting to get married and sitting around feeling angry and depressed over not being married, isn't exactly ushering in the joy. So, it's time to do things differently, don't you think?
Also, there are 2 books that you may find helpful in regards to this:
The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom
One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskmamp
Corrie ten Boom is amazing. She had every reason to be bitter and cynical. She's single and lonely and in a concentration camp... Ann's books (which I didn't actually finish; gave it to a friend), is great, too. She basically talks about how she very purposefully set out to be thankful and to look for God's blessings every single day. It's a book about cultivating thankfulness and choosing to look to God no matter what's going. I highly recommend both of these!
Okay, that was long... I think I'm done, but I may be back!
