Thread: How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Admin
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 3 Feb, 2009 11:04 AM
I don't mind letting God be in control cause I want it to be ordained by God himself and not just thinking I can do it in myself or anything. What should a man do before considering getting into a serious relationship?
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 8 Feb, 2009 07:35 AM
ASG,
Do not beat yourself up my brother! You are only 22, there is no shame in living at home right now. And some people just take a little longer to figure out what they want to do for a living.
Being afraid to live and love is not of God but rather a tool of the enemy designed to rip you off and steal your joy.You say that there is too much heartache in relationships and I used to say the same thing, until I saw strong Christian couples who put God first modeling what a godly marriage should be.
ASG, I used to be just like you afraid to let anyone in, I thought it was safer that way. But living in fear is not really living at all, but merely existing. To really live is to trust God, ask Him for guidance, and then step out in faith and open your heart.
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 8 Feb, 2009 11:13 AM
Hey there,
It all starts with God. I am not as learned in some areas as many of our esteemed cohort, but, when in doubt, take it to the Lord.
Also, the USA has a hangup about adult children living with their parents. In other countries, the kids live with their parents until it swaps and the parents live with the kids. For adult children to move off is an insult to the family unit. The family unit works together financially, emotionally, etc. and is much stronger for the contributions of everyone. So, if you and your parents are happy with your situation, it really is no one else's business.
For schooling, I'm sure you realize there are many programs available besides traditional universities. In addition to vocational training, mentorships, internships, and apprentiships can provide opportunities. If you aren't happy with your current job, do a personal inventory of strengths and weaknesses (often local junior colleges offer these for free). Pray about it and try something else. You do not have to attend school full-time either. Currently, I work full-time and attend classes full-time. It is rather overwhelming. There are folks in the program who do one or the other part-time.
Concerning marriage, give yourself time. Maybe you aren't ready. Maybe she isn't ready. If you take a chick who has only started hatching and peel the egg off, the chick often dies. The chick needs the struggle of hatching in order to survive. We try to rush things when God has a schedule for things and His schedule is SO much better than ours. Just think of the divorce rate nowdays. People rush rather than waiting on the Lord.
Another might have better advice...but my suggestion:
Relax. Enjoy the life you currently have.If there is something about yourself you don't like, work on changing it. Enjoy your parents. You won't have them forever. Take this time and prepare yourself for your future mate. Grow i your faith. Become the man you are meant to be.
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 8 Feb, 2009 12:10 PM
Hi Brother Leon,
Walter,
I knew it wouldn't be too long before we bumped heads again on Calvinism. LOL. You know I can't let that go without a comment.
WALTER: I appreciate your comments and the spirit of them as well.
LEON: I have to ask, why would you want to pick a spouse without seeking God's guidance? The Bible tells us there is nothing good in us, so I don't think that would lend itself to making proper choices. Or is it that you think God would not help us if we ask?
WALTER: First off i never said thast we shouldn't seek God's guidance as we should in all matters of importance. I do not to seek His guidance when I choose certain foods over others. I do not believe that God is in the business of mico managing our lives. Is He involved well of course He is. But He also gives man Free Will. This also does not change His sovereignty. God is sovereign but He does not lose that when he gives man Free will. Is that not His choice to limit what He would impose His will upon?
When a little child is raped and beat and murdered did God have this done by His "sovereign will" or His permissive will? If God allowed this to happen does it mean He wanted it to? Of course not.
If God was choosing our mates for us then one could make the argument that if God was doing that then why is there a 50% divorce rate among Christians? One could say that God is doing a very bad job of picking mates. Why would God put two people together when He foreknew that one of them would commit adultery and end up in divorce?
Is God involved in the process? Of course He is but He allows man to have free will.
LEON: I am not sure how far you can carry your idea of Calvinism, but let's think about it for a minute. Do you think God would have let Abraham pick anyone but Sarah? What about the story of Rebekah? You don't think God may have had His hand in that? What about the wives and maidservants of Jacob? Do you think he accidentally produced the fathers of the 12 tribes? Who chooses Jesus' bride?
WALTER: I am running out of time to finish but will later. Sorry!!
Got to get to work.
To be continued.........Now stay tuned for station identification. LOL
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 8 Feb, 2009 02:49 PM
Walter and Leon,
I love the way that you two engage in a good healthy debate with a loving spirit. Even though you may disagree, you are never rude or insulting. You two are great role models for our young Christian brothers.
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 9 Feb, 2009 11:56 AM
Hi Leon,................Part 2.
LEON: I am not sure how far you can carry your idea of Calvinism, but let's think about it for a minute. Do you think God would have let Abraham pick anyone but Sarah? What about the story of Rebekah? You don't think God may have had His hand in that? What about the wives and maidservants of Jacob? Do you think he accidentally produced the fathers of the 12 tribes? Who chooses Jesus' bride?
WALTER: I don't believe we have enough information regarding the match up of Abraham and Sarah. We do know God used that situation and it has many lessons for us. We also have to keep in mind that when God does exercise His sovereign will we cannot necessarily make any claim to say that is how He does it all the time. God certainly has His hand in things and no doubt Abraham servant was guided to pick the "right kind" of mate for Isaac. Regarding the 12 tribes. God foreknew what would occur and who the 12 sons who made up the 12 tribes would be. Let me give you an example.
When God dealt with Cain, we know that Cain's offering did not please God. Cain was in sin and even though God knew Cain would not repent of it God still offered Cain a means to be reconciled. Cain refused. Was God taunting Cain or was God sincerely interested in Cain's repentance? God gave Cain a "choice" even though HE knew Cain would not take it.
LEON: I would think that God's sovereignty would override anything we want ourselves.
WALTER: I would like to see scriptures that support your belief. I believe we have an abundant examples in scriptures where God gives man the freedom to choose. The one I previously gave is an excellent example.
1Cor 7:39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married TO WHOM SHE WISHES, only in the Lord. [caps mine] Notice whose will it is that determines what mate they want. It is not God's will but human will. God gives us the choice. Here's another.
2Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. NKJV
It is God's will that all would come to repentance but it is evident that most will not. Does this mean that God is not sovereign because His will is not carried out? Of course not. God is sovereign but He chooses to limit His own sovereignty within certain parameters.
John 15:6 "If" anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. NKJV
In the vine and branches Jesus taught that it is up to the individual to decide if they wanted to continue "IN Christ" or not to and the consequences if they do not. If God's sovereign will was to override man's freedom to choose then man would have no free will and not be able to choose in anything.
1Cor 15:1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
1Cor 15:2 By which also ye are saved,... "IF" ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
In the above passage Paul is making a very clear statement. He is stating that a person's salvation is "conditional" by using the phrase "IF" ye keep in memory what I preached unto you". The word "IF" is a conditional word and is in every translation written. 100% of all translators used this word for this phrase as well as the passage below. What both passages are clearly stating is that our Salvation is CONDITIONAL upon our CONTINUED FAITH in the Gospel / Christ. It has nothing at all to do with works. It is our FAITH in Christ, but it is still our choice to remain/ continue or not to. FREE WILL.
Col 1:21 And you, that were sometime alienated and enemies in [your] mind by wicked works, yet now hath he reconciled
22 In the body of his flesh through death, to present you holy and unblameable and unreproveable in his sight:
23 IF YE CONTINUE IN THE FAITH.... grounded and settled, and [be] not moved away from the hope of the gospel, which ye have heard, [and] which was preached to every creature which is under heaven; whereof I Paul am made a minister;
Note that Paul is not telling them of their need to obtain saving faith, but of their need to CONTINUE in their saving faith that they have already obtained and the consequence IF they do not continue which is forfeiture of their salvation. There would be no warnings if the threat and consequence of Apostasy were not real. I could give numerous examples where the scriptures demonstrate that God gives man Free Will to make choices and man's will is not overridden by God's will. This of course does not mean God is not Sovereign but only that God chooses to limit His own Sovereignty.
LEON: If things are not preordained, does that mean the books of prophesy are useless? Because if they are not preordained, then all that would have to happen to change it, would be for one person to decide they didn't want to do something.
WALTER: There are things that are preordained and God's "perfect will" is always carried out. But Calvin made huge mistakes in his interpretations of scriptures and went to the extreme in his philosophy. Look at Romans 1. It is actually proof text that Calvinism cannot stand. God was drawing these evil people and though they "Knew God" they chose not to glorify God. The passage also shows that God "GAVE UP" on them and abandoned them. God knew these people would not come to Him yet He did try to draw them to Him. [ caps for emphasis]
I have to go to work. LOL To be continued.....Except let me leave you with this.
From an Historical perspective you will not find any of the ideas and concepts of Calvinism prior to St. Augustine. But you can find all of the ideas and concepts of what we call Arminian theology today in the Early Church Fathers of the first 300 years.
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 9 Feb, 2009 03:56 PM
WALTER: I would like to see scriptures that support your belief. I believe we have an abundant examples in scriptures where God gives man the freedom to choose. The one I previously gave is an excellent example.
Leon:
The Bible is full of stories of God's will overriding man's will. You are as aware of it as anyone, don't try to convince me that you are unaware of them.
We can even start with Paul. When he was known as Saul, his will was to persecute Christians. But Jesus appeared to him on the road to Damascus, blinded him, and asked him why he was fighting what he was being called to do (kicking against the goads [pricks]).
We have discussed Pharaoh and Jonah already, then Balaam of course. Moses tried to refuse. There are just too many to count, literally hundreds.
If our will could override God's, He wouldn't be much of a God, would He? The truth is, God's will has always overridden ours. It just couldn't be any other way, and Him still remain sovereign.
As for the early church fathers' belief in some of the Armenian's views, they were also selling salvation, and claiming that they were the only ones who could get you to heaven. Just because someone has believed something for a long time, doesn't make that belief right. Just as Jesus told the Pharisees about their traditions. They thought they had it right, too.
Romans
8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Called according to whose purpose?)
8:29
For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. (If it was all foreknowledge, why preordain it, why not just let it happen?)
8:30
Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. (This one seems pretty straight forward to me.)
11:29
For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. (Powerful statement)
Now, before I get too carried away, let me say that I am not a Calvinist, even though it may seem that way. I believe that both theologies have lots and lots of holes in them. One because one does not place enough emphasis on God's sovereignty, and the other because it denies our free will in most things.
I believe that, like most things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Walter thanks for the debate, as always, you did not disappoint me. You are very well versed and articulate, and it is a pleasure.
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 2 Mar, 2009 07:34 PM
My question is how do i put myself in the right place at the right time so he can find me? I wonder if I am doing something wrong?? I go to singles groups but no one has asked me out yet...I wonder if I should ask the guy? Is that proper nowadays? And even if a man is very shy--would he ask me out or should I do the asking? Or will men ask if they are interested? I have not been on the Christian dating scene very long--and so fat it generally feels pretty dismal...:hearts:
