Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 26 Sep, 2012 04:30 PM
Do you feel this is acceptable for a Christian woman, or even a man to do? Some might say "At least I won him to Jesus." and maybe even "Even if I sinned, God forgives me."
A certain Christian girl whom I am friends with has done this. Dated a non-believer for about 3 months, he's supposly gets saved then very soon afterward, he proposes to her and she accepts. And she even claims that she prayed to Jesus for a sign of some kind, and that was it.
Is this really appropriate for a Christian? The fact that to fall in love with someone unsaved, yet claiming he's good enough to marry already? Is she making excuses and letting her feelings control her? I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 6:14? "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
So, should she have just been a friend to guide him, instead of falling in love? Btw, the fiance also said he's looking for a wife, not a long term relationship and has been married twice in the past. But suppostly both wives were difficult and cheated on him. And theres much more to it than that, but my main point is asking if it's really acceptable to marry a person who's barely a Christian, even if you helped that person to get saved.
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 26 Sep, 2012 06:48 PM
I personally think that "missionary dating" is a big mistake. It's one thing to be a friend to an unbeliever, and try to witness to that person and (hopefully) lead that person to Christ. It's quite another thing to DATE that person. And I think that most people would know whether the "relationship" was a platonic friendship or a romantic relationship.
As for whether or not it's acceptable to enter a romantic relationship after the unbeliever accepts Christ...that's a tough one. I think there needs to be a period of time when the new Christian is actively seeking to grow in his/her faith, and is NOT pursuing a romantic relationship with the witnessing friend. The new believer should seek out a mature, Christian mentor of the same sex, and commit to and become involved in a church WITHOUT the constant encouragement, companionship, etc. of the friend. In other words, if the witnessing friend were to disappear from the picture, the new Christian would eagerly continue in his/her walk with God. Once the new Christian begins to mature, and shows fruit and sincerity, I think a romantic relationship can be considered. But realize that this growth might take several years. It's not going to necessarily happen in a few weeks or months.
Now, having said that, I do know of one couple who dated and then married when she was a Christian and he was not. She said that she felt "God was calling her" to do this; I am very hesitant to say that she misinterpreted God's leading, but the Bible is very clear about not marrying an unbeliever. I don't think God would contradict himself in that way. Anyhow, the man did get saved, and as far as I know they have a solid marriage and are both devoted Christians.
I know another couple who were friends before he got saved; she was a Christian already. He was interested in dating her, but she kept telling him no. She said she could be his friend, but not his girlfriend. She gave no reason for her rejection, but she witnessed to him through her words and actions. On his own (and I think that's important), he began to attend a church in the area, and eventually got saved. She observed him for an extended period of time, and when she firmly believed that he was sincere in his faith, and was showing signs of a truly changed life, she made it clear that if he was still interested, she would be open to dating him. They've been married for several years now, and seem to be very happy together.
Those are two stories that have happy endings. I know of many more stories that do NOT have happy endings. They ended in divorce, unhappy marriages, or the unbeliever pulled the Christian away from church and into a life that was not pleasing to God.
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 26 Sep, 2012 07:14 PM
Thank you. I did try to show her how it looks to be a mistake. And I completely forgot to use the term "missonary dating" with her, but I haven't heard or used that term in a very long time. I do worry still she's getting married for the wrong reasons, but I will keep her in prayer. Even when I tried to show her advice about how Christian girls should date Christian guys and that she's possibly even commiting adultry, she feels God will let it go, allow this sin if they are meant to be.
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 26 Sep, 2012 08:32 PM
I agree completely with what bcpianogal said. It happens all too often that in fact it goes the other way around and the Christian gets pulled away from the Lord.
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 3 Oct, 2012 07:22 PM
while that is true, and I believe that as well, about being yoked with believers........but.........now we have to keep an open mind to How God may work in our lives....He alone knows who will be a non-believer permanently or not....I do believe God has his ways of bringing someone to Him, and only he knows how and what that would be as it's different for each and everyone of us!
I believe you said that he did accept the Lord, I'm not sure how long it was before but he did accept before proposing?
We really need to be in full tune to what and How and who God is leading us to! :)
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 7 Oct, 2012 08:10 AM
My "saved" cousin married in 1996 a non-believer because she wanted a husband and I guess she was in love. He was a hard worker and did many nice things for others. They have been married now 16 years. And, the man is still not "saved" I dont think. She is faithful to God and church.
There are many Women I think that marry non-believers.
Some make good husbands, but would be much better husbands if they knew Jesus as their savior. Is this the right thing for a woman to do. No, bible says do not be unequally Yoke and some women have to suffer more in a marriage like that.
We all make choices and often times, those choices arent the best. But as far as a Marriage almost 50% of Christian marriages fail as well as non-Christian marriages. Christian divorce for all kinds of reasons and this is not right either.
Bible speaks of Adultry as a way out and Desertion of one spouse.
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 7 Oct, 2012 10:19 AM
@ RejoicinginHisLove
The bf suppostly got saved, then 3 days later proposes. And my friend says she hoped to get married to him, prayed about it, prayed before that he would get saved before getting married. And she accepts?
I really feel she's making a huge mistake, that guy could be lying for all I know. Also find it strange how he would be fine with jumpiing into another marriage that easily after 2 failed marriages, without being cautious, without getting to know my friend much longer. My friend I think is desperate for a husband and wants children soon, before she turns 35 because she thinks thats the age where it's much harder to have children.
I tried to warn her, even told her she shouldn't have been dating him in the first place, but to have been just a friend, showing him the way to Jesus and nothing more. I think she just felt sorry for him and wanted to feel loved, find things about him to admire, but was willing to make excuses and compromises to stay with him. And her pastor is apparently okay with all this.
Date a non-believer/backslider, win him to Jesus, then marry him?
Posted : 9 Oct, 2012 07:34 PM
I believe that dating a non-believer/backslider in of itself could be a form of backsliding. In some cases it is obvious and in others not. Certainly anyone who claims that they are trying to let God's will be done in their lives steps out of that by DATING a non-believer. It is a very slippery slope regardless of vantage point and therefor very inadvisable. What is the reason someone wishes to DATE someone who is not a Christian? Can any of those reasons be truly Godly? If the desire is to minister to someone, the best way to do so is OUTSIDE of a dating relationship to maintain perspective and integrity.
