Why is it that the few men I have chatted with on this site are looking for a marriage so soon before they meet me or get to know me. It has turned me off a little. Don't get me wrong I want to be married, but I want to get to know the guy first before he starts giving me false promises.
I've heard a good number of stories about men being lured to foreign countries by women claiming to be christian, and when they arrive.. believing all americans are rich their boyfriend/husband robs them and kills them.
It's just not the safest option out there with people from other countries who may believe we've got the best on earth. If we do have the best on earth, it involves a lot of blood, violence, and the opposite of agape love.
Be cautious men, if you go outside the US to visit anyone leave a long papertrail and document everything and keep sending all the info back to a close trusted friend here in case you disappear. My one friend almost got mugged in Russia, but he put the guy in an armbar and got away.
I have to disagree with you here. I believe that it is prudent to get to know someone before marrying them. In the world it is common to rush into marriage, believing that divorce is an option of they find themselves incompatible after the fact.
As Christians we should take the marriage vow much more seriously than the world does. God gives us wisdom and discernment and we are to use it. It is easy for some to say and do all of the right things for a few months, but eventually as you get to know the person longer and they have relaxed around you the true self is revealed. Better for that to happen before the marriage.
Without exception every Pastor that I have sat under, every well respected Christian teacher/speaker has said that if a relationship is of God it will stand the test of time. Most suggest an engagement of 6 months to a year, stating that in the course of a year you will have the opportunity to see this person in a variety of circumstances and observe how they react to stress, illness, frustration, and disappointment etc. There is also then the opportunity to get to know their family and friends and see how they function within the body of Christ.
Personally if a man says that he loves me, but is not willing to wait then I have to wonder what he is trying to hide. Or is he just not wanting to spend the time and yes money that is involved in the courting process. I believe in the saying that good things are worth waiting for. Things that come quickly and easily are usually disappointing
As far as marrying foreign women is concerned, does a man not want an intellectual equal? Someone who at least speaks the same language? In my opinion if a man is so impatient that he needs a woman who will marry him right now with no time to consider the matter, than he is probably not mature enough to be married to any woman. This kind of behavior is not indicative of one who is exercising one of the fruits of the Spirit , patience.
This kind of behavior regarding a lack of patience would possibly indicate a willingness to settle or compromise because they do not want to be alone anymore.
If a person is unwilling to take the time to get to know the person that they are wanting to marry, are they themselves really ready to get married? It is best to make an important decision such as this based on the facts, how can you have all of the facts if you have not taken the time to get to know someone?
It's definitely wisdom to be patient and cautious when getting to know someone in this day and age.
Just because a man or woman is on a Christian site does not mean they are actually a Christian. Plus, I've heard too many stories about "Christian" men who were one way around church members and another way at home. I was married to a man like that for a long time.
Just being a Christian does not make people marriage-compatible. Some people stay a baby Christian their whole life and others keep seeking and growing in the Lord.
It's also important to be in agreement on basic issues like finances, children, etc. How people communicate with one another is another important factor. Signs of controlling, abusive tendencies, and other red flags can be seen over time.
It's important to me to watch a person to see that their words aren't empty and that what they say, they back up with action.
Bottom line, it's important to seek God and be led on who to date and marry.
I knew we disagreed on this, and that is okay. But I do have to refute a few of your points.
Most Pastors I know suggest a long engagement, too. But the truth is, even with these long engagements, Christians still have a 51% divorce rate. That is exactly what the world has.
As for taking the time to know every detail, if you think God sent this person into your life, doesn't that seem a little like second guessing God? It has been my experience that the more I think about something, the less likely I am to do it. I know many people who have put themselves outside of God's will by doing this. It is always a painful trip back after you have done these things.
As for the foreign women, what does their ability to speak English have to do with their intellect? Doesn't a language seem a small barrier to overcome? The divorce rate for American men marrying women from the Philippines, for example, is less than 15%. That is a big difference! These are the same men that get divorced 51% of the time from American women. They are intelligent, loyal, born again women. They just place greater importance on the marriage relationship than we do in America.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying run out and marry the first person you feel equally yoked with. I am saying, the things we have been doing in this country don't work. No matter how many Pastors say to do it that way, it hasn't changed this fact. In all the studies I have seen, the length of engagement made no measurable difference. The only thing that worked was the willingness of the couple to work together to save the marriage through hard times.
By the way, aren't these the same Pastors that teach the pre trib Rapture? Pastors are men. They are just as prone to being wrong as you and I are.
While I appreciate your view, I do not believe that there would be so many hard times to work through in a marriage if we were to take the time needed to get to know the real person.
On second guessing God, I never do! Sometimes God will send someone into our lives that we are to minister to, maybe God is using us to help to teach them something. Very often when this happens we believe that this person was sent to be a spouse, when it may not be the case. You yourself have said that we often miss read what we believe God is telling us based on our own desires and biases.
What could possibly be wrong with taking the time to be sure. Wouldn't you want your fiance to be absolutely sure before she says I do? Wouldn't you want her to see you with your family and friends, at church and to know how you handle your work life and finances. To really know you, the good and the bad and still choose to marry you?
Other than the decision to follow Christ, this is the most important decision that you will ever make. What's the rush? Maybe some men are afraid that a woman can not accept their flaws and therefore want to rush into marriage, so that once they are discovered, it is too late as divorce is not an option for the Christian other than adultery. I would hope that this is not the case, but one does wonder.
I have no problem with waiting a little while, if that is what the other person wants, and you agree. I just don't find fault with someone wanting something else. That is how this conversation started.
My point was, and still is, just because someone does things differently, doesn't make them wrong, or even strange. It just means they look at things differently. I have tried to show here that there are many reasons a person could have, that would make them act this way.
One thing I do have a problem with is waiting so long that you end up either having sex outside of marriage, or you suppress your feelings for so long that there is no passion in the relationship. These are both very common in long engagements. Very seldom does the relationship survive, when either happens.
I just would like to add this; if a man makes the investment of his time to get to know me, if he sees all of my flaws and moods, if he sees the things that I still struggle with in my walk, if he sees how I handle my friends, family, job, and finances and he still wants to marry me, now that" commitment!!!
I would meet both of you half-way. While most people from the Middle East are decent and "Live and let live" , I have heard disaster stories of Western women getting involved with Muslim men. In any social website, I would advise caution, and that includes this one and with everybody, regardless of background.
