Okay, so, I met this guy about 2 and 1/2 months ago. He was GREAT. He brought me roses, declared his love, and told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Everything was awesome. He even took to my two daughters, ages 14 and 16, right away. He fell into the roll of father figure easily. I thought everything was going fine. We had even fallen into a bit of a routine.
Then, all of a sudden, he became scared to commit to anyone or anything other than God and work. What's up with that? Well, little did I know, there was an even larger storm lurking. Hs ex-fiance was IM'ing him without my knowledge. He decided, without consulting me, to meet with her and "help her out" with her bills by MOVING IN with her! Okay, so, I can be a bit insecure at times but, I ask, am I wrong to say if you do this my girls and I are outta here?
Why and how do I pick the ones who are not going to stay true to our relationship or his word? I told him if he did that I would have to say its been great, I love you, and goodbye, for my sake and the sake of my girls. Am I wrong?
I really thought he was one I could trust. I let myself fall hard and fast for him only to have him totally crush my heart. I'll be alright because I have God's love and the love of my girls to sustain but, for that brief moment I also knew what it felt like to truly be #1 in someone's life, before the rug was pulled out from under me. Oh, did I mention that I am single, never married, never in a serious relationship before and my girls are adopted?
I guess I have to go back to struggling with being content in my singleness. That pretty much sucks! Sorry, just needed to vent. Thanks for listening.
Ouch! Sadly, yes - you should get out of that one. Even if he got back together with you and never did it again, that nagging distrust would always be there; and frankly, I wouldn't blame you!
It's unfortunate, but it happens. I won't go into details because this is the internet and I'd be concerned where this wound up, but let's just say I went through a similar situation - and kept going back for more, and she kept doing it to me. We'd been friends (and still are), so it made it a little tougher - not quite the same as your situation.
Secondly, if he's a christian, then he shouldn't be shacking up with anybody. That speaks volumes about his walk with the Lord - and this is a guy you just plain don't want to be with.
We all also have our "down" days where singleness is a drag - but on the other hand, don't forget - being single has its benefits. Don't let events take away those joys from you, and enjoy'em.
I'm not going to try to fix things here, cause frankly I think you already know all the answers - you're just here more to vent.
Thanks for the encouragement. Yeah, I do know what to do, I just don't want to go through the pain of putting a dead dream to rest. I got a glmpse, in the beginning, of what it could be to have a two parent household, with someone I cared deeply for. That is a hard dream to put to rest, at least for now. Any advice on how to handle the grief would be appreciated.
Oh, dear, I feel so bad for you. I've been there. And been there. And been there.
I agree completely with Ian - you know what has to be done. You asked for some tips in getting through this time - here's my input:
1.) Thank God. You may not understand completely why this man did what he did, but God saved you from a relationship that would not have worked. You don't even have to understand what exactly it is you're thanking God for (after all, it hurts!) but know that God would never hurt one of his children just for the sake of hurting them. He was protecting you from something - so thank Him.
2.) Start a journal. Pour out all your feelings on paper - the disappointment, the anger, the feelings of being alone - everything. Write whenever and whatever you need to. You'll find that you'll start to write less and less, and when you go back over the journal, you'll be able to tell that you are in fact, healing. (Believe it or not, one day you'll find this journal, look at it again, laugh and think "I felt like that about HIM???")
3.) Others might tell you to "hang out with friends - keep busy - do things you enjoy doing." These are good ideas - but only to an extent. You don't want to ignore the feelings you have and try to stuff them down inside - this will cause more problems in the long run. I say cry. Let the feelings come - but don't let them overcome you. There IS a time to mourn. There is no "instant fix" to make the hurt stop.
4.) Pick a verse that inspires you and write it on your bathroom mirror. Look at it every morning and know that it is TRUE. Repeat "I am who God says I am" over and over to yourself and BELIEVE IT. Even if there are people in this world that wouldn't hold a door open for you, there is the one and only true God who paid the price for the sins YOU committed and thinks you are so unbelievably, extremely, completely, and beautifully precious to Him that He was willing to pay the price for you and die so that you could be with Him in eternity. Now THAT is true love!!
5.) Be assured that this too shall pass. And keep coming here - we're all praying for you and are available at any time for fellowship, encouragement, strength, or whatever it is that you need.
girly! its hard when that happens. i thought i found the man of my of my dreams too. we got the kids together and everything. then he left and i havent talked to him since. nice eh? happens alot . hang in there chicke'
dear mamma, you movin way too fast.. my thoughts are if you got youngins no man should be meeting them without you seein that man for 6 months regularly at least .. and really gettin to know him well. one had best be makin sure they know who and what exactly theyre bringin into their home and in their youngins lives. if you dont take the time.. theres no way you can know. and even then you still might not know. but do protect them younguns.
Please, please read my post "I asked God for a mate - where is he?" Read it now from beginning to end! Yes its long but it is truly inspired by the Word. I promise you will find yourself in the Word of God and your approach will change.
...and Sis...I say this in LOVE and only LOVE:
WAKE UP! I have worked in three state prisons and there is no way on this earth that wisdom is involved in bringing home a man you've only known for 21/2 months to your teen girls. There are people who are actually married for years who find their spouses are monsters - case in point? Oh the list is endless but let's just name a few here: John Wayne Gacy, Theodore (Ted) Bundy? Listen I gotta say this and again only in LOVE: You need to put your search for a mate in Gods hands and put the welfare of your girls waaaaay ahead of your own.
If you will honor God as a PRIORITY and seek HIS kingdom he will then add someone into your life and your girls life that HONORS HIM! When someone honors God first? Really honors God first and is not a shyster...that man can't help but treat you and your girls right but that is a lengthy process and is as it should be when you have young children. It is unfair and dangerous to continually bring men into and out of your children's lives until God has stamped HIS seal of approval on them and you have taken the time to know these men!
I do not mean to offend but when I say I have worked in state prisons, I mean to tell you the truth: I worked in a male sex offender unit at a medium security prisons and I have worked in max prisons...playing games with your girls welfare and lives in search of a mate is what you are doing unintentionally I am certain. Still. Stop it.
Please breath deeply and read the post I wrote entitled:
...Oh and by the way, there are many, many other posts of single parents on here that you might want to look at...Seleeta399 wrote one of the most poignant posts ever called, "Ladies...be careful!" Check it out and may God help you and your children in Jesus name.
I kow I dated VERY little while my kids were growingg up for just that reason. The little I did date they NEVER became a father figure to my kids. The closest any man except thier father has been to them is my best friend and my daughter but she knows he is just a friend
:goofball: ... :winksmile: ...o.k., lets try this again, hehe ...
i canīt find the post you were talking about "Seleeta399 wrote one of the most poignant posts ever called, "Ladies...be careful!" i would really like to read it. can you copy and msg it to me, would very much appreciate it!!!