I am 57 and always thought of myself as "Normal" I was writing to a very nice man here, "so I thought" but he came out with a very crude thinly veiled sex joke. I gently but VERY firmly told him that was NOT acceptable I don't think he is going to write again.
That's upsetting, but okay. What worries me is that I have almost no sex drive whatsoever! I broke up with my last boyfriend in 2004, and just don't think about it!
My life is happy, good, and full, but this guy kiinda made me feel "not normal" 'cause I just don't think about "it" any more, and mostly want a companion. Am I Normal?
First, I just want to say that it was inappropriate to communicate a "very crude thinly veiled sex joke," so your response to that should have no bearing on your actual question.
Because you are asking a question about the female sexual drive, I would actually suggest you ask a woman. Being a man, I have limited experience trying to figure out the female sex drive.
However, from what I have gathered, IN GENERAL, women can go for longer periods of time without thinking about sex than men when they are not in a relationship with a man they love. It isn't until you have given your heart to a man that those desires come out.
I don't think that is specifically addressed in any scripture per se. I've heard about scientific studies, though, that indicate that women do not have as strong of a sex drive as men. Whether those studies are conclusive or whether it's all pseudoscience that became accepted by many as truth, I don't know with absolute certainty and I didn't really care enough about the subject to try to find any of those reports myself. Plus, with social media on the scene, it's harder to be discerning enough to know what is true and real and what isn't.
If you are a-sexual, or have a low sex drive, make sure you communicate that very early on in the relationship. If your only desire exists when you feel your husband is going to die without some attention, that is really going to limit your selections. That is OK- Just make sure the man you are dating knows that ahead of marriage.
There have been plenty of studies to suggest women have a lower need for physical intimacy and the general run of conversation would appear to validate that as true. However, you don't marry everyone from the other gender, just one. Make sure you understand your marriage partner's drive.
I would say most women simply don't consider sex as important unless they want kids - it's an optional extra for when (or if) they ever feel like it.
As a man, and I remember reading somewhere that the male sex drive is in the order of 20x that of a woman, it is most definitely not an optional component but a real need to be sated frequently, and a relationship where that isn't happening is no longer a relationship.
You've only got to look at the statistics for marriage breakdown and infidelity and you'll see that this mismatch in sexual desire is a huge factor but unlikely to change because it appears to be biological in nature. What has changed however is society's attitudes - to many things - but in this case to doing something that you don't feel like doing. Previously wives may well have had sex that they didn't particularly want for it's own sake, but because they knew it kept the relationship going; and men for their part would likely have put up with a lot of the things women do and say for the same reason. Nowadays however things are very much about ourselves and our own happiness being paramount so doing something you're not keen on is anathema, even if it benefits you indirectly or in the longer term.
I would say you're a typical woman rather than asexual, but if you're looking for a relationship then you need to acknowledge that the guy is likely going to want sex, and possibly a lot of it. Knowing that's the case, you'll have to decide for yourself what you're willing to give in a relationship, and if it's worth the cost to you personally or you'd just prefer friendship.
There are scriptures that say do not deny your spouse. marriage means that you give yourself over your spouse. After the verse that says, "Wives submit to your husband. It says husbands give your life for your bride like Jesus gave his life for the church." Give the man what he needs because he has to be willing to die for you. Also read Song of Solomon. I rely on the word for my answer.
I would highly recommend that you seek as much of a match as possible when it comes to sexual libido as there are asexual men out there too. Even a wife who surrenders her sexual autonomy to God by offering herself to her husband may struggle with enthusiasm in doing so. Then, a husband that senses this and loves his wife equal to himself may find himself asking for sex less than he, not only desires, but needs to avoid outside temptation. Personally for me, it is a hundred times easier to avoid temptation when single, knowing that I am not in a position to hope for (expect?) sexual fulfillment vs. when married and going longer periods between sexual encounters than desired.
If a wife with a low libido was strongly enthused about pleasing God and her husband in the bedroom, I think it would be hard to distinguish between that motivation and sex-drive but in a post-feminist culture, I'm not sure too many Christian women like that exist anymore.