Thread: Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
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Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 8 Jan, 2018 02:35 PM
I vowed to never again sign up on a dating site. I tried maybe 10 or so since my beloved passed away in April, 2009, including the venerable eHarmony (not so venerable as I soon learned). Some sites were tried more than once. I usually dropped out after a few weeks or a month when no one responded to any of my messages. (I've learned though that if you just throw a compliment at a woman, particularly about her looks, you will more often than not get a response LOL)
This time, however, I decided to stick it out a while, since I've learned from others that patience and persistence can pay off. Well, thus far, that has proven incorrect. (And, as a qualifier, I'd like to add that I know some women here have experienced just as much flakiness and, in some cases, downright insanity from some of the men here -- but I can only comment on my experiences as a straight man seeking a straight woman.)
Here is some of the wonderfulness I've encountered:
1. Too many women my age or within 5 years of it seems to want younger men. I put up a post about this on the message boards:
And women blame men for always wanting the pretty young things? Ladies, some of you are just as bad.
2. I have messaged younger women, women my age, and a few older, about 152 to date, since March of 2016 when I signed on. I have one platonic associate to show for it (we met once for a brunch-like meal), and one messaging correspondence with a nice sister 9,000 mi away in India.
3. I have had Christian women in the real world tell me -- to my face -- that my 5'6" was too short for them. One was shorter than I, by a few inches. The other was taller, but we were only supposed to be platonic friends. WHY did she feel the need to tell me that? I by no means EVER gave her reason to think I wanted anything more (and believe me, I didn't). The reason? Because when they wear heals, they don't want to feel stupid standing next to me. THIS is the Christian woman's dating criteria, at least in the spoiled West.
I get having physical preferences, but even this visually-driven man is realistic and not seeking some Hollywood ideal.
But, this may also be one of the reasons women here don't write me back. (I've been tempted to change that 5-6 to 6-5 to see what happens. Of course I wouldn't mislead them beyond that, but an interesting sociological experiment it would be.)
4. All but maybe 4 or 5 of my messages have been met by green check marks and no follow-up, or they have not been read at all.
My messages are nice, not lewd. I usually ask about the woman's interests/pastimes or about her Christian faith. And, I am greeted by a hand in my face.
And, how do you NOT read messages in your inbox here? And yes, I can confirm that at least some of these women are still active on the site because their pictures are being periodically updated.
For the record, I ALWAYS respond to a messenger, regardless of whether or not I'm interested. Got a post up about that one, too.
Now, the site is used more for entertainment than anything else. Some of the ladies' profiles are laughable or just make me shake my head. (Some of my favorite profile entries are "I don't know what to say. Ask anything you want to know," and "I'll put more in here later," which of course never happens.) Some photos are genuinely hot and so I enjoy a little eye candy for a few moments. And, I enjoy spinning the roulette wheel once in a while and taking a shot by messaging someone, even though almost every cell in my body awaits the unanswered, green check or no reading of my message ever.
Why does this happen? I think it's that men outnumber women a lot on sites like this (or so I've heard), and that many Western Christian women are spoiled by the success of Western Civilization and so have their expectations in the stratosphere (so that things like my height become a serious impediment, but if I was an *expletive* I might actually get somewhere!). So, I have very little hope of getting through this life without the gift of celibacy, but having to live as if I were so equipped. In the mean time, I will enjoy my one platonic, overseas correspondence and the periodic, entertaining profile. This site, unfortunately, and all sites like, serve no other purpose.
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 9 Jan, 2018 12:18 PM
Hi Keith. I'm probably not the kind of person you were hoping to hear from as a first response to your post. I'm a guy, after all, and I know you'd like to hear from the ladies. I sincerely hope you do and they are able to offer you God inspired insight and encouragement.
The first thing I'd like to say is that I enjoy reading your posts whether you are posing a question or posting a comment on someone else's query. The impression I get from reading them is that you are an intelligent person of integrity with a good sense of humor who has no trouble speaking his mind and saying precisely what he means to say. Also, as one Christian brother who is secure in his manhood to another I have no trouble saying I think you are ruggedly handsome. You are also clearly (and understandably) frustrated concerning the seemingly disproportionate difference between how much effort you have invested in meeting a Christian woman and the comparatively small return on your investment. For what it's worth, I'd like to offer a couple of suggestions.
First, I'd like to encourage you to read some of your posts, but try to do it from the perspective of someone looking to meet a Christian man with the hopes of starting a relationship and eventually marriage. Try to identify the statements that draw you in and keep them. Then try to identify the statements about "Christian Women" that as a Christian Woman(Not a perfect woman) you might find offensive or repulsive and consider how you might restate what you mean to say in a way that they would be more receptive (or consider if it is even necessary to say by asking yourself, "What good do I hope to accomplish by sharing this be it encouragement by building up or correction by compassionately showing them how something holds them back or takes them away from God?"). Honesty and speaking the truth are premium qualities in a Christian man. I'm not asking you to be untrue to who you are as a unique and masterfully made portrait of God using words that just aren't a representation of who you are. I'm asking you to find your words(inspired by the Holy Spirit who knows you and can express them in your style) that allow you to speak the truth in love.
My only other suggestion is that you offer more pictures in which you smile. You have like five pictures in your profile and you only approach a smile in one of them. I think you're on the right site.
Ladies, help me out here. Throw a Brother a life line You know better than any of us what you're looking for and God knows better than all of us what we really need.
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 9 Jan, 2018 09:18 PM
By the way, if someone would be willing to show me a statement I made that could / would / did actually drive you away, it might prove helpful. If there is a pattern of behavior I need to change, it would help to see it. This is what I get for growing up in New Yawk Freakin' City
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 11 Jan, 2018 08:53 AM
Hi KeithPoo,
Ok...I was one of the ones that you clicked on and I DID NOT write back because (altho I do find you attractive)
1. you are far and I am assigned to AZ.
2. you are a republican (you may wanna take that off cuz you are possibly driving away at least half of the women because of that...some may not care after they get to know you) I am independent but NOT a trump supporter...and don't have time to debate why.
3. Your height. I have found in general that men that are shorter than I am DO see me as BIGGER than I am...in other words...I look fat to them....while those that are taller see me as I see myself.
SUGGESTION: when you write your profile,write it as a letter to the ONE God has promised you and don't speak to the rest...
...if you want to speak to the rest, speak here...and don't allow the forum posts to be seen on your profile.
one last thing...on Youtube, look up Louise Hay - 50 power thoughts....you'll be blessed by it
Also...I may know 2 or 3 people that may be interested in you...it's all in your approach my brother in Christ
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 11 Jan, 2018 08:57 AM
also Keithie Poo,
this is what I wrote on a forum of why I don't reply to some:
Here is why I don't reply to those that don't fit my criteria...because JESUS (our Father God) gave us this instruction :Do Unto others as you'd have them do unto you'
I asked myself what would I prefer...and I would prefer a non-response over a kind rejection...because when you get the notification in the email that you got a reply, it builds your hopes up...and then to read a REJECTION when you open it, that is cruel to me. So I don't do that. Kinda like sending an email to an employer and they reply back with 'sorry, we chose someone else'...I'd prefer they didn't waste my time having to open a stupid rejection email. SOOOO that's why I don't reply.
Not exactly a dating story, but my experiences on this site to date...
Posted : 11 Jan, 2018 11:30 AM
Hello Still. Thank you for the time and effort you took to respond. And, thank you for the kind words.
1) Political entries. I feel these are indeed important as common world view, for me at least, comes under the heading of 'equally yoked'.
If I ever remarry, there will be enough challenges caused by differences in living styles and other nonsense caused by our sinful natures. It is sensible, therefore, in my opinion, to shoot for as much compatibility as possible, especially for something as important as our opinions on the direction of the nation.
2) Not responding. I still disagree with your reasons for not responding to messages, but I appreciate that they are not based on snootiness, but on compassion.
3) Forum entries. Why would you turn off the setting to show forum entries? I am assuming it has something to do with needless levels of transparency. But, in my posts, I express myself very openly and can be known that way. Whom would I turn off by that except for those who seriously disagree with me?
4) Profile style. As for writing my profile as a letter to the one God has promised me, God never promised us a mate, at least not according to my current understanding of His word. Nevertheless, what did you mean? Was that a reference to my forum posts being in my profile? Or, something else?
Sorry to make you write more (assuming you come back to follow up and feel so compelled), but I want to understand what you're trying to say.
5) By the way, who are these two or three women who may be interested? What is stopping them from contacting me? Why do you know them and I don't?
You know better than any of us what you're looking for and God knows better than all of us what we really need.
!