Author Thread: Tips for guys
BigPurpleA

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Tips for guys
Posted : 21 Nov, 2018 10:50 AM

I've been on this site for a few months and I noticed some things several guys on here do and I'd like to offer some feedback. My goal is not to attack guys, call them out, or complain about what other guys did. My goal is to provide some insight to what's going on in a female's head (namely mine) when a guy does something and hopefully help you be more successful when finding a match.



#1 Before you start looking for a match, think about what you want so you know what to look for. Think about your non-negotiables, your goals, what you want in life. Have a clear picture of what you want in mind when going through profiles. Try indicating this on your profile so the ladies can see if what you want matches what they want. You don't have to put everything, but putting non-negotiables would help filter out people who aren't a good fit. Some good things to know are what you feel about children, what your beliefs are and if you're willing to be with someone outside your beliefs, where you want to date and if long distance is an option.



#2 When looking, pay attention to more than just the picture. Click on the profile and read more about her. Don't simply message someone because you thought she was pretty without reading her profile. Just because we look beautiful doesn't mean we will get along. Just like there's more to you than whether you have a ripped body or how much you make, there's more to us than a pretty face. Our beauty only tells you if you're physically attracted to what you see. It tells nothing about kindness, loyalty, or faith.



#3 Read the ENTIRE profile BEFORE you message someone. If you can't be bothered to find out more about someone, then you probably can't be bothered to care about them. Seriously. If you want to date someone, don't you want to learn about them? Reading the entire profile shows genuine interest AND it also helps you by learning some things about a prospective lady. If her profile states that she is a different state and doesn't want to do long distance, then you can save yourself and her the trouble by LISTENING to what the profile says. Ladies LOVE being listened to. If you can't follow directions, then she will feel like you aren't listening which feels like you don't care. So if her profile says she doesn't want long distance and you know you're too far away, then don't message her. Just move on. There are many ladies out there. You'll find another.



#4 When you message her, please don't start with "hey beautiful" or something other comment on her looks or use terms of endearment like "dear". You never met her before. You could easily make her defensive by doing that. Why? Because calling us beautiful outright comes off as only caring about looks or just trying to flatter us so we're more willing to do what you want. Calling is dear right off the bat comes off as getting too close too quick. It's the online equivalent of a total stranger walking up to us and giving us a hug for no reason. Our reaction to those two kinds of responses ranges from raised eyebrows to rolling the eyes to being weirded out. Our actions to those messages typically are ignoring the message, blocking you, or messaging back. If our messages are short and don't reveal much, we are either on guard or busy or not interested. Granted, some ladies love those kinds of messages. But not all. Please understand that every female is different just like every male is different so don't treat us all the same. The same tatic won't work on everyone. Don't get upset if you never get messages back. Try changing what you do and see if it works.



#5 When messaging us, find out more about us. Show an interest in the person inside the body. Look to see if that's compatible with what you're looking for. Be honest in what you're looking for and DO NOT get all upset just because you find out something unexpected. If you find out she doesn't want long distance and it says so on her profile and you didn't bother to read it, then you have no reason to get upset and feel lied to. It happens. Move on and learn from it. That's why we talk. It's to learn more about them to see if they're a good fit.



#6 If a lady indicates she is not interested in you, DO NOT take it personally. You're an adult. Act like it. It's not an attack on you when I'm not interested. If she doesn't want to date outside her denomination, then respect that and find someone else. Be grateful she was willing to be honest and TELL you she's not interested in you. Would you rather she randomly blocked you or ghosted you instead of clearly telling you?



#7 If you find that a lady you're talking to isn't what you're looking for, be a man and say so POLITELY. You don't like being ghosted or blocked so don't do it to us. Be honest with how you feel and with what you want. Don't call us names if you find out something unexpectedly that you don't like. Just because we didn't tell you in the first message doesn't mean we lied to you. We don't share everything right away because we don't know you and there needs to be a level of trust before we share certain things. Sharing certain information can put us at risk of backlash and in some cases, physical danger or reputational harm. Please understand we don't want to get hurt anymore than you do. Because of how God created us, this shows up differently. Please act the way God wants us to act.



#8 Don't try to attach yourself to us too quick like saying you want to marry us before you even met us. This is probably something only scammers do, but I'll put it out there because 2 guys have done this. It's a good idea to pace yourself and not get too attached too quickly. There's plenty of time to tell us we're pretty and you think we're the one. Don't rush into anything and take the time to get to know us and savor the time we have. Don't relocate simply because of a girl. If you break up, you could be stuck in a place you hate in a job you can't stand. Use your brain and think about how the relationship would impact your life.



#9 Don't discount age differences. If age is just a number, then tell that to pedophiles and look at what happened to them. There's a reason why there's laws about how old people can be before having relations with others. While a 20 year old and a 50 year old are both adults, they are not at the same place in their lives and their brains are different. The brain doesn't finish maturing until age 25. A 20 year old is in college and working out a career. A 50 year old has a stable career and many more years of experience in life. The age difference is also enough where the older one is old enough to be the younger one's parent! Most people don't want to date someone old enough to be their parent or grandparent. Many females are uncomfortable with dating someone that old. Consider dating closer to your age. If you have kids, would you really want to marry someone young enough to be their friend? And consider your kids. Would your kids want a step parent who is younger than them? And don't forget maturity. Do you want someone who is more like your child or parent or grandparent? Age has a certain amount of power that you need to consider.



I hope these tips help you when finding someone. Best of luck!

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Tips for guys
Posted : 23 Nov, 2018 05:57 AM

Good to know, Thanks.

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BigPurpleA

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Posted : 23 Nov, 2018 06:41 AM

You're welcome!

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NRSV1953

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Posted : 23 Nov, 2018 07:48 AM

Your post is very well thought out and on point. Too bad most men won’t bother to read it. And therein lies the problem, right?

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BigPurpleA

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Posted : 23 Nov, 2018 01:54 PM

Yeah....

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withjesus2011^

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Posted : 26 Nov, 2018 07:33 AM

Thank You sister. Really it is good advice. I want to thank for your dedication to share very important but get less attention.

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Aham3^^^

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Posted : 26 Nov, 2018 12:53 PM

@NRSV1953

Women aren't any better.

The real problem is that most are not willing to put effort into finding a partner nor do many really know what they want.

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Aham3^^^

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Posted : 26 Nov, 2018 01:00 PM

@NRSV1953

Women aren't any better.

The real problem is that most are not willing to put effort into finding a partner nor do many really know what they want.

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Melissam871

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Posted : 28 Nov, 2018 02:19 AM

Aham3, while that can be true about a lot of women, there also plenty of men in the world who jump from lady to lady and break hearts because they don't know what they want and don't like to commit. Women are actually generally tend to be keener to settle than Men are.

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Aham3^^^

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Posted : 28 Nov, 2018 04:54 AM

I have to to see proof of that. In my experience women, at least in my generation are 10 times worse then men in that regard.

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strawberryharmony^

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Posted : 29 Nov, 2018 08:41 AM

OMG BigPurpleA I absolutely love your post! Ugh, I couldn't have said this any better myself! Jeeze! Like seriously, your post is spot on!

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