In many profiles that I have read, woman often question why men are so oriented to the way a woman looks.
My question relates to this and posted profiles.
If how a woman looks externally doesn't matter why do woman post photos on dating sites that show them at their best or when they were younger? And it seems that they also are concerned at how other women see them also, won't go someplace without their makeup, yet at the same time question why men are looking at how they look. This puzzles me. Can you women explain this to me?
If how a woman looks externally doesn't matter why do woman post photos on dating sites that show them at their best or when they were younger? And it seems that they also are concerned at how other women see them also, won't go someplace without their makeup, yet at the same time question why men are looking at how they look. This puzzles me. Can you women explain this to me
there should be growth in people and in our relationships.
my replies:
its called talk the talk but dont seem to remember what the talking is all about. I can see why this could be puzzling and woman do need to correct themselves and there should be gowth.
This makes me think of something I call the waitress syndrome.
When I was younger, I was a waitress in a small hotel restaurant in a small town in the Midwest. I learned a lot about being a really good waitress from Becky, who was the Mother of three, married, middle aged and very average looking, but a really hard worker, that knew they business, all in all, and EXCELLENT waitress.
Then I was baffled and amazed by Sonja. She was this cute little air head that always forgot the bread, and if she did not have a tax table and a calculator, she would panic and be totally unable to figure a ticket. But the sad truth was, her tickets were more often than not wrong anyway and she would forget to charge for an ala cart item or a beverage add on or a desert etc.
Now this is "The Waitress Syndrome" part. Guess which one always brought in more tips? Yep, the cute little 18 year old air head that giggled all the time. Sweet as pie she was, but a waitress she was not. No kidding, she would spill on ya, mess up your order and forget your beverage, and bring in twice the tips of an excellent waitress that be everything you could want in a competent waitress.
So men, you wonder why women are shallow? We learn how we like to be treated. If a woman shows cleavage and she gets attention, she learns how to get attention, if that's what she seeks. She wears makeup because her husband might say she is attractive and doesn't need it, but when they go out, his eye gets caught on a that gal with the big eyelashes and the flashy red lipstick. We also learn how we don't want to be treated, like seconds or cast offs.
The forum is not immune. How often does a woman that is showing a little too much or is standing in a pose with her head thrown back, her back arched and her leg lifted in a sexy pose or any combination there of, get ignored on the forums? Rarely. She doesn't even have to say anything that makes sense and men respond to it.
You wonder why women behave the way they do? It is because men teach them what they want, by how they treat other women.
A woman goes to the store casual in jeans and hair pulled back no make up on, and the next time she is dressed to go out when she stops in the same store. Everyone knows the difference in the attention level. Cute stuff will get your groceries carried out every time. When I was pregnant, more often than not, I ended up dragging my own groceries to the car.
This is why women behave the way they do, then men pretend they don't understand why we do what we do. It is only when we gain understanding on a new level, and see that we don't need someone that acts this way, that we gain new understanding.
So maybe the question isn't why we act this way, but why do men behave the way they do?
So maybe the question isn't why we act this way, but why do men behave the way they do?
well, we need to all watch the way we behave and help one another that could be a good start. We all were young and did things that probably baffled others. To make sense out of all of it could really take a persons time and probably half your life to help some one change. It takes a slow mature growth day by day. Patience is a good start....we all need this toward any one we don't understand and for the waitress who trained her? lol jk I think prayer helps in the time of need also. I hope I didn't push any wrong buttons. I am merely trying to obtain growth to the same sex's. We do all need the help.
I couldn't possibly agree more, unfortunately that is not the world we live in. He asked why it was, the answer is not always in others where we seek it, but in ourselves, where we never thought to look to find it.
I do know that many men have the exact problem that you speak of but to blame all of tendencies of woman on men is far from accurate. If we want to look deeper and I hope we do, the scripture says, all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. So if men or woman act indescreetly they cannot stand before God and say, if men or women or my husband or wife would have just not acted differently, I would have been fine. That just doesn't wash.
I have often been in the company of woman, and honestly they didn't care how the men viewed them. They were more concerned at how the other woman were viewing them. This has nothing to do with men. As a husband I often complimented my ex wife, encouraged her about how she looked, and accepted and loved her whether she had make up on or not, whether she had gained weight or lost it, when she felt good or felt bad and in every possible way and yet she still felt insecure about how she looked.
Wiithin each person we have to know that God sees us and loves us as we are. Too often people are trying to please other so that they feel better about themselves. If a woman or man is not happy about who they are, it is because they have failed to allow God to touch them deeply and resolve the root issue of His love for them. I know of what I speak because at one time another person's rejection caused me to make decisions that weren't me. No longer. I see Jesus Christ as the true source of my joy, peace, and strength. No woman can give that to me. Nor can a man do that for a woman. It only comes from God. Beauty is in knowing who we are in Christ, and the Beauty of Holiness is most awesome.
David the point is not of blame, but of the vicious circle. Women do it because men make it known that that's what they want, and men make it known that that is what they want because there are women modeling that behavior. As far as women checking women out, men check men out too, and to dig that just a little deeper look how many people are out there checking themselves out in the mirror at every opportunity. It all speaks to the shallowness of the world we live in. Add to that commercials, they constantly send the message that to get what you want you have to be prettier or richer or thinner, have better hair, drive a nicer car etc. The root of all of it is not Godly, yet we are all weak to some extent to the flesh, if you think I am wrong, just go out there and get a bad haircut sometime and see how it affects you.
I believe however when you become a Christian, you need to constantly check yourself at the door so to speak. In other words we need to self examine all the time for just such cracks in our armor. Are we part of the problem or part of the solution. How can one blame an unsaved person for being unsaved? God lets them have their choices, we need to allow that too, but as Christians we should strive toward holiness. Beauty fades, pure and simple. Everyone ages and battles with the things that come with age, which may not be the same from one to another, but each has their own set of aging issues that arise. It is not of us to remain young and beautiful in this life. Besides, what is beautiful anyway. If its in the eye of the beholder, tell me, how has your eye sight change upon being saved?
The waitress scenario was purely about looks, and looks alone for both women were truly beautiful people. One had excellent skills but faded looks and the other had the looks but not the skills in that area. She was lovable, just not a good waitress. The other was lovable too, she was just beyond that "cute as a speckled pup" thing. Is it offensive to consider, you bet. We don't like to think we are that way, but people associate eye pleasing with good, which is why so many con artists are so successful.
Funny how beauty can be such a cruel ugly fact, but honestly, that is why we need to seek the beauty within each other for that is a beauty that will never fade. Look for the beauty that makes you laugh, the beauty that comforts and consoles, the beauty that leads and respects.
Have your tastes changed since you became saved? Have they changed or are you still part of the "leering and primping crowd? What is it that impresses you, that persons joy, and laughter and heart, or their bleached teeth, colored contacts and hair extensions? Whether male or female, are you part of the solution or part of the problem?
I understand what your saying and to a degree I would agree but I would say this: Your making anyone who takes care of how they look inheritantly fleshy and I would totally disagree. We should take care of our bodies, even the scripture says that a husband should love His wife like he takes CARE of his own BODY. That is assuming it is something that is done. My observation has been when women don't take care of themselves, feel unattractive that they feel bad about themselves. To say that men have created this whole problem is nearsighted. Not as a way of blaming no, but by their habit of noticing woman's appearance, is your perspective, but truthfully godly woman would differ from your opinion. Have you had a chance to read the book Captivated? It is an excellent work that addresses this whole subject.
I can find no where in scripture that it is wrong to have attractions, in fact Song of Solomon deals very pointedly and poetically with this whole subject. To totally neglect and make the outward of no use is an inbalnace of scripture. Surely external beauty fades, the inward beauty never fades. And no I don't measure from the same standards that I did when I was 18 or 25 or even 35. The beauty of Holiness resting on a woman is much more attractive than the Ho type way of looking that is given in the world. That is an illusion and destructive, but that is not to say that it is evil to like someone who you see as attractive. As you said, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I and you are free in the Lord to pursue what we desire and not have others call that evil, as long as it is not based on worldy lasiviousness and lewd standards. A beautiful woman or a handsome man are to me like a beautiful sunset or sunrise, mountain stream or valley. To say that the city ghetto with it's ugliness is anything like the mountains is to distort God's essense of beauty. We see beauty or else God wouldn't have created us for such ability.
By the way your assuming that the woman who was competent didn't get tips because of her looks. Could very well be she was competent but lacked in some other area. Maybe the other gal even though she was pretty, knew how to make people feel at ease, even in her mistakes. People like those who radiate love and kindness, not just abiility.
