Thread: Are you really ready for a relationship???
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Are you really ready for a relationship???
Posted : 18 May, 2010 06:57 PM
I've had many what I in my mind call my 'dating adventures' since I've been divorced.
My adventures, observing people's behavior and listening to my peers speak has lead me to believe that many who say they are ready for a relationship, in fact, are not.
My pastor says he's constantly amazed at the phenomena of people who are not married wanting to be and people who are married trying to find a way of escape.
I don't think people realize the amount of work and commitment that you sign up to when you link your soul with another of God's children. It is not ALL fun and romance. There is a giving of yourself (Love does not seek its own I Cor 13:4-6) that I have observed that many people don't practice and/or not prepared to deal with.
Many of us are still dealing with old business of previous relationships. We are hurting, angry and wounded from wrongs that have been done to us and we have not been healed. Time alone is not enough to 'get over' wounds of your soul. We must invite God into our yielded heart and let Him heal us so that not even the residue or smoke of your fiery trial is evident.
I believe we who are here on this site and say, yes I am ready, must evaluate ourselves. For those of us who are depending on God to lead us to our mate that we have prayed for, must be ready to love in the true sense of the Word.
so true, most times when people say they are ready they are at the very least fooling themselves. i family member of mine, whom i am ver close too, we are around the same age would always pester me to set him up with one of my freinds. now he has a gf who loves him and is ready for marriage and he busy trying to escape. i reminded him of those days when he would try to get the hook up on one of my friends, and told him now he got a good girl and he is trying to run... his reply "LMAO". he admits he never made the transition to relationship mode, told him i couldnt co-sign. he's still my boy, but i can't back him up on that one:buddies:
the single time is to be spend learning to love in all situations and getting in tune with the voice of God. wondering what to do with all that free time? "read your bible, pray everyday, and you will grow, grow, grow" (it's a hym):winksmile: from what i have seen, everything task in life is dependent on honest analysis of one's situation, and commitment to following through with what needs to be done.
too many people lie to themselves :( and even more give up during a task...
Obviously Babygirl has given a lot of thought to this and made some very observant points. I feel that a lot of divorced folks begin new relationships for selfish reasons before they think their way through. A lot go in emotionally blind (sorta like tunnel vision) because they are lonely, hurting, or for other more personal reasons and when they realize what they had it's too late and they want out, leaving the other person hurt and confused.
Before I began my current relationship, (I was the one being pursued) It took a little coaxing because I wanted to make certain I was ready and was doing the right thing and wanted to make sure the other person was ready as well. I had btdt and didn't ever want to go through another similar relationship. I didn't want to drag any emotional baggage into a relationship and didn't want to tote anyone elses' baggage either.
@Nyanda - thanks for your feedback. It is extremely true, the worst deceit is self-deception. What is the saying, 'to thine own self be true'. If you are going to lie, at least don't let it be to yourself. Confront yourself and deal wit cho stuff! :dancingp:
@Edw - as always, I thank you for your comments. One of the things I admire about you is that you are very genuine and are willing to deal wit cho stuff! Thanks, my friend.
I think it is important to learn from our experiences. Good and bad. If you don't..... you will just repeat them.
Dating has been a big learning experience for me. I've learned quite a lot about myself - my limits, what I like, what I don't. I've learned to be discerning (and I thought I was BEFORE) and I've learned to let rejection roll off easier.
And Edw --- everyone comes with baggage. What I've learned is it is not so much the size of the baggage that matters. What seems to matter is how often you take it out and expose the contents and share it with people. If it is placed in the overhead or fits under the seat in front of you and stays there..... ok then. But you can't escape baggage.
I thought I would say it cause I was just fortunate and blessed to have someone (a Co-Pastor, Prophetess) right by my side to walk me through the tough time right after my separation and divorce. She is not active in my life right now but was very available for me when I needed her. God is so good and always provides what we need. :applause: :dancingp:
PhilJo, do you mean the question was to my Pastor?
Well, I have been to a few marriage seminars, I hear my own Pastor and my best friend of 20 years is a pastor.
The issue I have heard most is, pre-conceptions and expectations that were not discussed previous to the marriage. They feel like their needs aren't being met and sometimes don't say anything but are angry and hurt.
This opens the door for Satan to tempt them with another person who seems to fulfill the need.
If you would like I could ask them. They have done marital counseling for over 30 years.
For anyone interested, I did ask the question to my Pastor and his wife last evening.
They say that communication or lack thereof is the number one issue they run into. They say for those that will submit to pre-marital counseling, they have them discuss as much as possible before marriage to resolve important issues.
They say sex and money are a close second and third and are not necessarily in that order.
