Christian Forums | CDFF Discussion Forum - CDFF | Online Community of Single Christians

Login Create New Account

Author	Thread
HonestyAlways89 View Profile	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 9 Oct, 2019 01:33 AM Wow, thank you all for your advice and prayers. I think I agree with most of your comments. Except maybe for needsafriend7 who seems to be angry and judgmental - I thought this was a Christian website. needsafriend7, I will pray that you find that friend. KJVonly I had considered the 'catch 22' you mentioned, but she was very adamant about wanting to be "free and independent" and didn't believe in being married for life anymore. And its funny that you said be patient and pray for God's guidance because I have and I keep getting a message from Him- to be patient. Chionoso, thank you for your comments and advice. I will say though that me wanting to meet someone isn't motivated by physical desires but rather my desire to want to love someone. It feels unnatural to me to not have someone to take care of and love (yes I do have my kids, but that's not what I mean). But I do also recognize that these things do happen for a reason, and it is probably in my best interest to focus on me and Him or should I say Him and me during this 'transition' time. It is through these hardships that He brings us closer to Him and gets us back on to the path we were intended to follow. Sweetlybroken1, thank you for sharing your story. Something that I have learned through this process is that so many people seem to have had their hearts broken in so many different ways, but the result seems to be similar - a whole lot of pain must be endured for varying time frames, and there are no real short cuts through the process. Perhaps that's what I was hoping for by meeting someone new. Falling in love again could be that 'quick fix', but that really is just a recipe for disaster. Oh and thanks for the info on our sad judiciary system. Somehow it doesn't surprise me though. For what its worth, I have to say that creating this profile on here has been somewhat therapeutic. Going through this separation/divorce process is a very lonely experience. She was also my best friend, the only person who really knows me. But coming on a site like this has shown me that there are lots of amazing women (some with similar experiences) but all seeking a life partner and love too. And some even go that extra distance and share stories, advice, and prayers. Thanks again to you all.
HonestyAlways89 View Profile	Cultural differences Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 01:40 AM It depends on the individuals involved. Both need to have a genuine interest in the others culture. I have seen it fail, but I have also seen it succeed. I'm not sure where my personal experience falls, as my soon to be ex-wife is Chinese. We had a very deep and profound love for one another and for the most part a good marriage. I would have been thrilled to stay married to her for another 20+ years. However, the fact that she never experienced independence and went from her fathers home straight into marriage with me left a void i think in who she is. She now desires to be independent and travel the world...alone. While our youngest is only 11. The fact that we have different 'spiritual' beliefs has proven to be a much bigger obstacle than cultural differences. She believe in God, but unsure about Jesus and doubts the Bible's legitimacy. I now KNOW Jesus, and although I too use to doubt the Bible's legitimacy, the research I have done makes me feel very confident in the Bible's teachings. So I guess what I'm saying is don't let cultural differences stop you. There are many things that can cause 'issues' in a relationship. So best to take any new relationship slow and really get to know each other, and make sure that you are on the same page for the most part with life goals and 'expectations'. It also helps when one or both partners are flexible and accommodating.
HonestyAlways89 View Profile	Celibacy Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 01:30 AM If not married, I fully support that. But once married, I think it's an important part of the relationship and when you have a deep, profound love for your spouse, making love can be an incredibly spiritual process. Something I miss and hope to have again one day, God willing.

HonestyAlways89 View Profile	Friendship First or Friendship Only Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 01:16 AM lol, Chioniso you are a breath of fresh air. I enjoy reading your posts. And of course agree with you.
HonestyAlways89 View Profile	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 18 Sep, 2019 01:09 AM I think that I agree with you. I told my wife that although we are living separately, we ARE still married. And I felt that for either of us to pursue a new relationship with someone would be adultery. I requested that we both promise to go the 12 months (9 mo's left) required to obtain a divorce celibate. But while she does believe in God, she doesn't fully accept Jesus and she doesn't trust the Bible. So she see's my request as my attempt to be controlling. She stated that she has no interest in meeting anyone at this point, but said "if I met someone and we were attracted to each other and got along well...". So I requested that she kindly inform me once she has committed adultery so that I could proceed with divorce proceedings asap, and look for a new life partner, this time someone who is a Christian. I'm expecting a call from her anytime which is why i have signed onto this site.
HonestyAlways89 View Profile	When is the 'right' time to start dating again? Posted : 15 Sep, 2019 03:43 PM After 23 years of marriage my wife told me that she wanted to feel free of family 'responsibilities' and travel the world and feel "independent", even though we had a deep and profound love, not to mention our youngest (11 year old daughter) was still at home. It knocked me to my knees, and that's when I first reached for Jesus and felt his presence. This happened 2 years ago, but after changing her mind a couple of times she finally moved out this past summer and the clock was started on our legal separation. I have lived for the last 2 years knowing that she had one foot out the door. I took my vows seriously and hoped that she was my life partner and we could accommodate her draw to be independent. But I accept that her path is now going in a different direction, and trust fully in the Lord to direct me and I pray that he will guide me to the right Christian woman. But I'm unsure when I should start actively seeking her. I haven't dated in a very long time, and wasn't much good at it even back then. So as my ad indicates, I am separated. Do women prefer a man to have the divorce finalized before they will start a friendship? Does it make a difference that I feel my separation started 2 years ago? I am nervous about starting, but I want someone in my life that I can cherish and adore, and share special times with. Sorry, I tend to babble on when I think out loud.
HonestyAlways89 View Profile	Divorce Posted : 15 Sep, 2019 03:09 PM Thank you for posting that verse, I haven't heard that one before and it applies to my personal situation.