Do all active healthy women overlook active healthy men if they are narrow framed and not ripped?
Posted : 17 Mar, 2021 09:43 AM
"What I feel most active and healthy women want:
A man who, seeks God as best they can, has goals, has a wide frame, or is stocky, or has big muscles relative to his frame, but goodness they must not have a narrow frame and be a touch under 6 foot."
Hmm... check on one and two... wondering who is telling you the other feedbacks? :)
Ofc dif. women want dif. things, so no doubt for various reasons some women might like guys who are huge and look like Fabio (before the accident with the goose :) ). Other women specifically avoid men who are 'too tall' or too stocky, or too muscular. Or they date men who are physically huge gym rats but don't actually have romantic interests in them.
I agree that what is most important is shared interests and being able to enjoy them. For this reason, I do perhaps more criteria than is sensible for a woman my age (ugh). If this means that I remain single, so be it. Better to be able to enjoy an active life than to be with someone who doesn't have the interest or energy to do what I like. If a guy can bench press 300 pounds, but can't enjoy very long walks, biking trips, hikes, etc... well, what's the point, really? So for me, too big and too strong is probably a detriment. (Plus I worry the mental effects of the various 'gym rat' supplements out there...).
Now, male egos being what they are, the reason expressed for not being interested in someone or stopping dating or breaking up... well, one can be forgiven for giving a simple, (not quite true) and immutable excuse-reason.
So, better to say 'i like my guys taller' (which one can't change... leading to no response from the man) than 'the way your arm twitches when you seem upset scares the poo out of me' which is both malleable, as well as creates risk of offending :).
but nah, for lots of women being under 6 foot and not looking like Schwarzenegger is of no real concern and is probably a plus for most. maybe the young women in your area think differently because of cultural reasons (whatever movie-film-internet stars look like)... but for me... yeah, not looking for the next Finnish MMA star :) (half teasing one of the other posters :) ).
seems ironic that you don't want to be judged for your age and for wanting to write women who are 10 or more years younger, while at the same time judging women who are your own age for being career focused, bitter and unwilling to deal with young children.
(yes, i'm reacting as the dagger is pointed squarely - and unfairly - at me :P :P ).
i've had friends and coworkers over the years of government service... and those three negative traits transcend age quite emphatically. In fact, the woman who had the most bitter anger towards her husband (sadly, it was mutual) was in her mid 20s. (how on earth she got to that point still confuses me... they both had successful careers the cutest baby and no real reason to almost homicidally hate each other... sad).
its also not unusual for a woman to be career focused in her 20s and 30s and then 'oh poo' realize that she's waited really long to have a family and then desperately hope that she's still able... so i wouldn't think that career focus is anymore tied to age...
and me? still have a seven year old daughter at my age that i'd be sorely sad without. sure, some people want an empty nest at some point, but there's plenty of women who want to go from taking care of children, to helping take care of grandchildren :). At same time there's women in 20s and 30s who either don't like children, or have them and try to still live night life and as if their children are a burden...
hmm... i really shouldn't post this *cat jumps on computer mouse* *click* :P
for me, i wouldn't talk to someone online if i didn't have some interest in them as a person or something else. i'm not into just randomly filling my time with people who i don't actually enjoy talking to. i can walk in the forest and talk to God rather than waste the time of someone I don't see as at least a friend.
at the same time.. relationships? well, anyone i met online... that was a fizzle. idk why. funny to have great online chemistry and nothing when it comes to in person.
(so maybe some or all of the people you'd have actually gotten to meet would have turned to nothing anyway?)
hard to say how is best way to meet someone. i'd prefer that meeting people at church or synagogue would work... but i keep liking small places with no one in my age range at all :P lol... but you're young, maybe you have better luck with in person at church? idk.
but yeah... i wish i could help you to know how to tell if someone is talking for no reason, and when they're sincere... i joke with my friends that it takes a year into a relationship to tell if the other person can even stand you... its... yeah, complicated :(.
I'm arriving late to the thread... one person wrote about people with no profile pictures... to me if their main picture that you see next to the message is blank or isn't showing a human, then yeah, i delete without reading.
And yes, I use the setting where you can't see if I looked at your profile. I get more messages than I want to respond to, so its more that there has to be something there that makes me want to read the message. Ofc if there's red flags then it makes it easier. But if a profile doesn't capture my interest.. why respond?
Part of that impulse is 'limited time/life is short'... but part of it is a life of experience of myself and friends dealing with men not knowing how to take 'no' as an answer. usually the best way to say 'no'.. the risk free way is to just not respond at all. (when a guy is on 30 members favorite lists, i figure he shouldn't care if i don't write back anyway.. isn't he too busy to notice? ;) ).
If the sender lives in a country where they can't easily travel to mine, then it seems pointless to communicate. Usually. (I have wrote people in countries where they could never visit me if there's something interesting on their profile. Or I'm curious about something in one of their pictures... like the guy from Senegal who had a picture of a mosque that I used to be driven by when I worked in Dakar for a month).
Also... hmm... in your profile, there's a long list of requirements that you want in a partner. So its easy for me to be like.. 'okay, there's more than one that I don't meet' and just not responding :)
Could be we're checking your profile cos you checked ours ;)
if the person looks like they haven't been in and out of prison, isn't muslim (80% of my messages/views are from muslims for some reason...) and otherwise seems sane... that my curiosity is higher than my sense of fear, then yeah, i check the profiles of people who check mine.
but then i figure 'okei, he looked at my profile earlier... i showed some interest by checking his, so its his turn to write me'.
in my 40s, so i rarely check profiles on my own accord... just seems too forward. also i live in a country in europe where there's close to zero users... so using the site is kinda... umm... non-sensical? although i've had nice conversations a couple times.
So if i were you, i'd check to remember if you had viewed her profile first. in which case, perhaps look again and find something to write about it you want to.
if you never viewed them... their view could literally mean anything at all... no real advice. other than if you can see in their profile something you can relate to... then no reason not to reach out to say something. it is a religious dating site, so... i think maybe the risk from polite conversation is less? idk.
(i have no real understanding of male psychology, so all this soundwaves into the wind might be somewhat of no use... but i hope there was at least one useful phrase someplace inside :) :) ).
Question about text messaging and conversation in general
Posted : 28 May, 2020 03:38 AM
this'll get deleted maybe by admins, but... the site is very, very buggy. over half the messages i write don't get sent at all. i had someone explain to me to write in another program and cut and paste here... (before that it was like 'try twice and if the message doesn't send, its God's will :P lol... not that i really believe that, but its easier to just give up and blame fate :) ).
also, even messages that i send, often they don't get posted even if the program shows that it did... or it posts only the first sentence and the rest cut off...
and hmm... if a message starts with an obvious pick up line then i might not even read it... or if the message is just looking like a cut and paste they sent to half the women on the site :P ... why bother? (for me, heartlessly, if they live in a country that can't get a visit visa to europe, there's no sense either...) or if... idk... anything on the profile that's a red flag, or reminds me of someone who hurt me, or... idk... there's sometimes a certain self-preservation thing where i sense something or other without having words for it and i just don't respond.
(i should say that i once had a nice long exchange about books and philosophy with someone who'd never get a visa to visit... so i guess kinda friend zone thing, but i'm glad we talked... was some many years ago when i was living in hospital and got me through the day... lost track 4ever ago.)
so there's reasons, and randomness and technical glitches...
hope u find people who responds so you can have nice conversation and at the right time meet someone... during Covid is nice to talk to someone online.. i'm... fortunate to be talking to someone now :)
Good questions or subjects appropriate first communication
Posted : 4 Dec, 2019 02:23 PM
Single line messages that only comment on my appearance... umm... idk even how to respond to that... did you read my profile? know anything about me? did you really only write cos of my picture? its... ugh...
i got two messages from people who read the profile... that gives me a sense that they wrote because of *me* ... now i can read theirs and consider.
one guy didn't reference the profile, but wrote something to the effect of that he prayed that my day was going well. he was from africa, so not much chance to be able to meet in person. but i reponded to feeling cared for, so we talked back and forth a while. it was nice and i'm glad to have interacted with him :)
For all Girls aged 40 or more about initiating contact
Posted : 4 Dec, 2019 02:17 PM
thanks... I... well, I can't let myself stay trapped in the 1950s... they're... well, sadly gone.
and.. well, i can't complain that no one write me (unless they need a visa to europe :P lol ), if i've made no effort to contact anyone...
writing to offer friendship sounds like something that would help... might help me to get started. hard though cos if i did write someone, some strong feeling would have to be there for me to get over the shyness and 40 plus years of waiting to be approached...
but yeah, that's how i've got to think to get myself started. and time passes, and i'm not going to meet the right kind of guy at nursing school (they're all in their 20s lol) or at karaoke nights (i need a spiritual man, and for w/e reason, they don't tend to sing :P lol )... so yeah, thanks... i'll *try *
not a comedian :) ... my brother does amateur stand up... and... well, that's nice but not required... its... well, think of Robin Williams... he was "on" with the humor all the time... that's kinda too much...
well, life is hard... i can come home from work or school at the end of my rope... being able to vent helps... being with someone who can help me to relax and see the humor in life helps...
(if he plays guitar... music is great also... hmm, off topic? yeah :) )...
lack of humor.. a guy who is intense... that can be intimidating... too serious? yeah... hits my fear button... or can...
For all Girls aged 40 or more about initiating contact
Posted : 1 Dec, 2019 12:46 PM
its probably a generational thing... i'm re-training as a nurse and the women i go to school with are in their 20s... and they're not shy at all to initiate contact... and they kinda don't understand why i can't/won't...
my parents were older and we watched movies from the 1940s and early 50s... so I guess that's where I get my values from? don't kiss till the third date :P lol...
idk... i figure that if i look at a guy's profile... that he'd probably look back at mine. (although that's not often true) If i get a profile view and nothing else.. well, i figure that he read my profile and has no interest... i mean, if he saw something wouldn't he write? idk. (winks don't even count, i mean, what does that mean anyway?). not that i callously think 'ok w/e'... it can be disappointing to get a profile view and no message sometimes...
and yeah, also what was said before... if someone writes 'hi" and "blah blah your appearance"... umm... okay. my profile is pretty long... if you read it you should find something to engage me with... i mean... in a relationship there's communication... i want to be heard, listened to, valued... someday i'm wrinkly and you can't then talk about my appearance, right? love is a connection at the level of the soul...
(i did *almost* send a message once... almost... but he checked my profile after I looked at his the fourth time... no response, so... idk, felt that i'd not get response, so... :( )
