Ahhh..... I think I like this Jude-girl.... I will follow her posts, for they make me smile. Due to both her humor/wit and the fact that His Truth just keeps on shining through her and smacking that deciever guy around. I love when God does that!!
We all have a history, including difficult experiences. Women who have been through domestic abuse struggle with some very specific issues, and one of them is trusting themselves to have healthy boundaries in all of their personal relationships (romance, friendships, family, coworkers, etc.) As Christians, we have a beautiful identity in Christ that unfortunately is not always known to us. Domestic Abuse is about power and control, and the psychological aspects of the whole dynamic are far more damaging than any beating. It is important to give yourself time to heal and grow and learn who you are and what God says about marriage and love and respect and who we are. It takes time. It's hard work. Surviving is very difficult. But moving into thriving takes amazing courage. And it is well worth it. It's a long, hard road, but it is oh so worth it! When the time is right, you'll know when and how to tell your story.
Oh, and one more thing, don't ever forget: you are His, made in His image, to reflect one unique and amazing faccet of His Personality to the rest of us... and YOU SHINE...
Chris~ Well said. "...don't overanylize..." this is a comment I get a lot... maybe I should work on this one. Thanks for your input. Good luck in your search.
Thanks everyone, for your input! I realize it's not the kind of question with a 'right' answer, more of a pondering really.
AudreeMaye, I really liked your thoughts, that is just the kind of response I was hoping for when I wrote this question. It's not like I didn't know or think through all these things the first time around, and the point about everyone having some flaws was very forefront in my mind. But, somehow, I managed to hope in someone who wasn't willing to grow forward through his flaws. Again, I really thought long and hard about it, I just didn't know enough to make the right choice.
This time around, I have two little girls counting on me to make the right choice, so the stakes are much higher. Hopefully I will figure out how to 'get it right' and make a choice that will benefit our entire family.
Again, thanks to all who responded, and blessings in your search.
Hi, I really love this question. I think it is very important to me, especially in terms of choosing a future husband. For me, faith really is about trust. Trusting God to provide whatever it is that we are needing. Everything, from air, to love, shelter to education, fellowship to food. Everything. He is our Provider, our Lover, our Father, our Friend, our King, our Leader... He is our everything.
In my own life, going through the separation and ending of a marriage with many ugly realities, I have had to rely on God for literally everything. Our very lives have been in danger, we didn't have anywhere we could stay that was safe, didn't have enough money for food, etc. My child got sick and was on life support at one point, I needed a full time job, I had little choice but to get a restraining order against my husband, I had no spiritual covering from him. One day, we were in the mini van and had been staying with friends, but needed to find a new place. My three year old daughter said to me from the back seat, "Mommy, where are we going to stay tonight?" That just broke my heart.
God met every last need. Every single one. He grew me. Taught me. Loved me. He has given my little family our very lives... and all we need to sustain life. Now, He is teaching me to want. To want more. To dream again. To boldly go beyond survival into the world of living. To move to what He has for me, for my children. To trust Him more. I really can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me. So for me, looking for a man who appreciates this concept is huge. I trust God to provide such a man at some point in our future.
The question is... how does one 'know'?? I mean, once you get past some of the infatuation, and the butterflies, once you talk and interact for a period of time, after you've asked lots of questions and answered even more... what makes a really good person into a really good match? How do you decide? Once a commitment has been made, I feel pretty comfortable in the idea of putting the necessary work into a marriage. I know I will be devoted and true, I know I will not stray, I know I will be kind and good and loving and attentive. What I don't know is how to make the decision of who to invest in. I thought that I looked carefully at my first husband. But, that didn't turn out even remotely how it should have.
It's just, how do I know if I would make a specific someone happy? Happy enough to stay? What's the difference (that I can see now) between a guy who will eventually stray and one who will be there forever and always? How can I prove to you who I am? How can you prove to me who you are? How do we make sure that neither of us is just really really really wanting to be married? There's nothing wrong with wanting to be married, it's just that I want to stay married for the rest of my life this time. It would be no good to try and make a good man happy if ultimately he is not the right one for me. So how do I discern?
Do you wonder these things too? At night, when you lay in bed and think about what it would be like to be married, to truly be in love and know that someone was there for you always... do you wonder how to be sure? I do. As much as I long for someone to touch my heart, I also feel the need to guard it carefully... to be wary of anything that could signal trouble. I want to love again, I want to surrender to those feelings, but I just want to be respectful about it. I want to do it in a way that brings joy to another, to me, and most of all brings glory to God.
Hi, I know your post is quite old, but when I read it, I just wanted to put my two cents in. :)
To me, romance in a dating relationship should be very limited... it should be reserved for once there is a serious commitment (such as engagement or marriage). I think this can help two people be more focused on learning about one another and seeing if they are a good fit. It's so easy to get carried away emotionally.
That being said, I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that a lot of different things can be romantic. Personally, I think that romance grows slowly through mutual respect and interest... as you get to know someone, you become aware of their preferences and you seek to please them. To me, that is when you know you are truly falling in love.
Lastly, I want to say that I would not be very interested in a man who wanted to be intimate (even emotionally/romantic wise and not physically) too soon. Small gestures, sure... but, if it's the second or third date and he's showering me with wine and flowers etc. etc., it tells me he's willing to give those things, that treatment to just about anyone (since he doesn't really know me yet). Thus, it just doesn't mean very much. Except to be wary...
When the right time comes, yes, I expect to be very romantic with my husband (both of us). Just my two cents.
Hello, I wanted to chime in on this... I'm a married woman and I'm on here. I never thought it was ok to date even while waiting for a divorce, but until now I've never been in this situation.
For the record, I am not here to date (yet), pretty much just to talk. I also value the process of creating a profile. I've been on several different sites and they all have different tests and quizzes and I have found this process amazingly therapeutic in my healing and in my waiting for the paperwork details to sort themselves out. I have been separated from my husband for over two years now. I have waited, prayed, offered every option I can think of. But my husband has been unfaithful to me and our young children in ways that are simply too personal to share here.
I am not here to say bad things about him. I am sure that there are many unprincipled people who are online thinking it is no big deal to date while still married in any sense. However, for what it is worth, my strict "thou shall not" stance has softened... for others and for myself. In order to accept or even consider my viewpoint on this requires grace. Are you willing to consider that some people could be here with the intention of rebuilding their sense of self and easing back into the world of men?? (or women).
For me, I know what my heart is. And any man that I speak with I am clear that I am in the process... not ready to do/be anything beyond friends at this point in time. Thank you for considering my point.
