Author	Thread: What do you say???
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 2 Oct, 2011 12:14 AM I get very overly bluntly honest when I'm tired and almost put the following as a reply to someone saying "you're cute" after having no actual conversation yet, just a few completely shallow sentences back and forth. "While compliments can be flattering, something like that is so hard to respond to. I mean, you can say, "Thanks," and move on, but it's uncomfortable, at least for me, when you have had maybe 2 or 3 sentences exchanged because you just don't know what to say in response. I do appreciate the compliment, but quite frankly, I do not know what to say to that." Basically, I know "thanks" and move on is the appropriate response, and fortunately I caught myself before sending the above and did send simply "thanks." But for me, I want to have conversations. And when guys don't give me much to go off of, it's hard to know what to say! Am I the only one who feels this way? What response do you give in those situations? And how do you move the conversation forward, if at all? I really appreciate the input of my fellow ladies! (And men if you have anything to say in response also.) Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 2 Oct, 2011 12:34 PM That rarely happens to me, but when it does, it is nearly always via IM, and I typically choose to just say "thanks" and try to redirect the conversation. If he doesn't move the conversation along after a few more minutes, or if he wants to continue to make comments about my appearance (appropriate or inappropriate), I'll find a legitimate excuse to end the conversation. If the lack of conversation is happening via email/message, I do pretty much the same thing. I might try to toss him the conversational ball, but if he drops it more than once or twice, I don't bother to run get it and keep throwing it at him time after time. I eventually either quit hearing back from him at all, or I tell him that I don't think we'd be a good match after all. Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 2 Oct, 2011 02:54 PM I'd pretty much agree with that IMHO. It seems if I can't keep up conversation with something she is interested in then it's game over. Think I'll just get myself a dog - they don't care if I'm not in a talkative mood (which is generally the case)! Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 2 Oct, 2011 07:00 PM Just off the top of my head I'd say "Thanks" and then see where it goes from there. What he comes up with next that is when he realizes the conversation has gotten kinda dry. Post Reply
cowgirl1984 View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 2 Oct, 2011 09:39 PM Thanks for the advice everyone! It doesn't happen to me very often either, but when it does, it makes me uncomfortable when it's right there like that. I think part of my discomfort stems from some of the inappropriate comments that have been made to me about my body. Part of it too is it makes me wonder if they're talking to me because they're interested in what I have to say or if they skipped my profile and only cared about the pictures. Post Reply
CuddleBunny View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 4 Oct, 2011 12:40 AM Cowgirl.... I know exactly how you feel. I went to this site to get away from the typical messages I received on other sites. I came here hoping to find Christian men who are genuinely interested in getting to know me instead of strictly focusing on my outward appearance. Well, I know I can't expect to dodge from all of them, but there are few men on here who do not know how to approach a woman. If that "you're cute" sentence isn't followed after interest in what I said in my profile about myself, then I simply ignore and delete these messages. At times, I do get frustrated and feel like barking at the guys who do this, I hold back, and don't say anything at all. You did the right thing by not sending that message if it was driven by bitterness. You are not obligated to respond to every message in your inbox. If they are smart, they'll take the hint and hopefully work on their communication/social skills. Some guys just need to realize that for most women: the most appreciated compliment is about something other than their physical attractiveness. Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 4 Oct, 2011 01:19 PM If the conversation doesn't have any substance and all a guy can come up with is things like "your cute" thinking she'll appreciate that and be all happy for the compliment, then he's missed the point of talking and getting to know someone. I for one don't even mention physical appearance unless it's brought up early on in getting to know someone. I'm not opposed to giving compliments but I think of them as seasoning on the relationship if one develops rather than just getting to know someone. But context makes all the difference. Post Reply
bhoov3 View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 5 Oct, 2011 08:33 AM women blow my mind...i do not do this however if a guys says "hey your cute" he is just letting you know he is interested in you...so whats so wrong? with that being said how come he has to come up with everything we are all on a dating website so dont be so shallow girls and help the conversation it is very tough for us to get on here and figure out what to say to a picture...i mean really it is okay once the guy makes the inital hey for you girls to help out a little bit...i really dont get you girl you come on here to find a good guy but yet wont put any effort in hmmmm smh!! Post Reply
View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 5 Oct, 2011 10:20 AM I agree with CuddleBunny. You DON'T have to respond to every message in your email. I certainly don't. Perhaps that's rude but bottom line is I know what I want and I'm not going to settle. If a guy writes, "you're cute" and doesn't ask any questions then I'll either reply "thanks" (if I'm interested) or ignore if I'm not. I adamantly disagree with bhoov3! It's not the woman's job to keep the conversation going! God created the man to be the PURSUER not the woman, regardless if she's on here. He's the one that should MAN up and realize the fact that just like you sent her a msg, many other fellas have as well. What do you bring to the table? What makes you stand out from the others that will cause her to chose you over the them? Men like the chase so go for it! A real man will put the time and effort know the beauty who caught his attention. Period!! This is what I believe and I'm not budging. If that means I'm waiting a long time then I'm waiting. It's okay. Like I said, I know what I want and am not settling. I would rather be alone then be with someone who thinks he can wow me with some cheesy one liner I've heard plenty of times before. No thanks! Don't settle Cowgirl! He's out there!! Post Reply
bhoov3 View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 5 Oct, 2011 11:32 AM A chase? why does it have to be about games and oh what as the guy do you have to offer me? what do YOU the girl have to offer me...some little about me post isnt gonna tell me all about someone and most of the time ppl put what they are good at if you wanna be chased put your faults on there and things you struggle with or give the guy some help in the conversation so he isnt just sitting there like hmm what should I say...its like going to dinner with a girl and she sits there and waits for you to say something i mean really? Y go to dinner? i think you need to get a grip and quit the whole games and this is how its suppose to be stuff...as a guy all i am asking for (speaking for MYSELF) is for a little help from the girls thts all ill chase if you give me something to chase if not sit there and keep waiting while your cursor goes in and out...or keep waiting at home for a guy to ask you out while you give him nothing to tlk about!! Post Reply
CuddleBunny View Profile History	What do you say??? Posted : 6 Oct, 2011 02:25 AM Bhoov3: If a guy says "hey you're cute", he is not displaying interest in me...he is displaying interest in strictly my outward appearance and that is what is wrong. I get my share of "hey pretty lady" or "hey mami" while out in town. These guys get a free pass on that since I don't carry around a sign with my profile description on dispaly. Online, it is a different setting since you actually get to see a face along with a little about the person so you are not basing your interest strictly on looks. The "hey pretty lady" or "hey mami" are not going to work for most ladies online because there is no excuse because you now have the wonderful gift to be able to see a profile description to go with that pretty woman. Some guys just throw away this advantage. We are not asking guys to come up with everything in a conversation. We just want a meaningful conversation. And if a man does not find anything interesting about the woman to talk about, besides her looks, then he should move on to the next gal. This is not about girls being shallow. This is the total opposite. If we were shallow, we would welcome these compliments with open arms and don't care at all whether the guy is interested in us or not. We are not here to work out a man's communication issues with women. We are here to date and find relationship partners. It isn't rocket science to say to a woman what you find interesting about her, tell her about yourself, and ask questions if you want to know more (And I'm hoping you do). This is what I do when sending out my first messages to a man. So no, we are not going to "help" a man in a conversation, we are going to contribute to a conversation, and if a guy has nothing to contribute, then women are not going to waste their time. Since you say you are not one of these "hey you're cute" guys, then you have nothing to worry about with that. :) Post Reply

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