So this is probably the first of a bunch of dumb questions I still have about girls, but till now haven't asked because I'm embarrassed at how childish and whiney they sound. They're honest questions and something I really wonder, I'm not cynical or volitile or trying to talk down to or hurt any feelings or anything so here goes:
What is it exactly that makes women think they're so great? The way the roles are seem pretty lopsided, if you ask me and for all the risks we take and effort we put into it, it doesn't seem like we get much back in return. Men are the ones that choose to try and women are the ones that just choose and it seems like all give and in return we get nothing except somebody that looks nice, but will let you down as soon as you start trusting and enjoying her and basically I've moved beyond asking 'When does this get fun, exactly?' to 'Does this get ever get fun?'
Basically (and again I mean absolutely no offense whatsoever) "Why should I even bother?"; "What's so great about women anyway if you can never enjoy or rely on them?"; "Why do you expect us to do things you're not willing to do yourself?"; And I suppose that's enough for now, but more like that will come up later, again the point of this is strictly objective, and basically what it comes down to is this:
I don't mean to offend. I want to genuinely respect and appreciate women, but right now, I'm just not seeing it. Help me out please.
sorry your having a hard time. i dont have any answers to your questions. could it be that maybe you should re-direct your aim of the type of women you want in your life?
Dont think for a minute that it's easy for us. The men that message me I am never interested in, or when I return their message I never hear back. but...whatever
I'm basically here for the forums, if something happens, praise God...if not praise Him anyway ;) lol
I think that a couple of things might help you gain perspective. Let's start with the number of true believers on this site. It is a recurring theme on the forums that the majority of people with profiles are not committed to following Christ with surrender and abandon. Unfortunately, after 30 years in ministry, I'd say that the majority of people sitting in the pews of churches are not committed,"surrender all" Christians. So, the question arises, where are godly men and women going to find other godly men and women if they aren't even available inside the church. Well, that is the extreme, but when you look at all the diversity of personalities and lifestyles represented on this forum alone, WOW, we're all looking for a needle in a haystack. It is a true miracle when God matches you with a compatible godly mate!!!
Second, I (though I'm old) consider you and a couple of other guys on the forums "diamonds in the rough." I'm wondering if because you are so naturally self-disciplined and so sold out to following God, that you don't realize that others have to WORK HARD to grow the character you already have at a significantly young age. God has (in my opinion) gifted you with a faith that some people never reach. Maybe it will make more sense if I explain it this way. Let's say we have a scale of being surrendered to God's will starting at 1 with total self-will going to 10 which would be totally surrendered to God's will. Then, let's say that you are placed at 8.5 on the scale. At your age, you aren't going to find many others with that commitment whether male or female. Is she out there? God only knows. Will she be worth the wait? Definately, if God has molded her just for you.
Sometimes, you remind me of my dad. He truly doesn't understand why people struggle with anxiety, insecurity, timidity... He makes me think of the Nike commercial, "Just Do It!" You don't have to understand it. You don't have to marry it. But it would help with your frustration level if you found a way to come to terms with the fact that fighting over sensitivity and fear is almost as hard as fighting an addiction for some people.
We can't control other people, just our responses to them.
Yeah. Writing them out and exposing them helps (the questions that swirl in my head that is). I guess I would just like to see less unnecessary confusion, ignorance, and resentment when it comes to males relating to females and vice versa and more understanding and openness. How we are the same AND how we are different and putting each in it's place, respecting, and, what's more, UNDERSTANDING that about the other on a personal level. If it were like that I think we would all be better off. I think the only way to know is to ask questions, but I think the problem is we want to think we're above asking questions like these and chalk it up to it being a part of being mature and that it is normal to accept things the way they are without having a clue why. More honest talk from me. Thanks riveroflife1.
I don't think any of those things come naturally to anybody. Least of all to me anyway, though I did have the "advantage" of my Dad being a prison warden as far as the self-discipline thing goes. We are all people and to get anything of value is a lot of hard work. And basically I just wonder what effort do other people make. Or I see other people and how it seems like they don't even have to try to get what they have and get jealous or frustrated or discouraged or confused. There are a lot of things that scare me too, but I choose to do them anyway if I think it will get me closer to what I want, even if I don't understand it which is kinda where this is stemming from and how it seems like other people are willing to stay where they are and not change or make an effort even if it means not having a chance at getting what they want, rather than take a chance or risk or effort. Or maybe I'm not focused enough on the plank in my own eye. I dunno. All I know is I don't have it all figured out, nobody does and that all I do is just try in my own way and am very inquisitive. All I know is I see my effort, but not my actions or behavior and conversly other peoples actions and behavior, but not effort. I guess I just don't want to be so oblivious.
But this isn't for or about me, though thank you as always for the encouragement and kind words. It's a forum for guys to better understand girls and girls to better understand guys and call them out on what they do (respectfully) and the other to respond in turn.
Maybe that's all it is, what you said at the end in how we can't control other people just our reactions to them. I suppose the thing that stands out most to other people is poise and confidence (again confidence :rolleyes:), which I am learning and understanding more of in reading Coach Wooden's Pyramid To Success. To say it is by leaps and bounds better than any book I've ever read would be an understatement and I would encourage anybody to take a look-see at it.
I think part of the frustration as a guy comes from the fact that the Church is just now starting to develop a healthy and mature view on dating. Girls grow up hearing everything from, "You are a princess, and you need to find your prince. Make sure he's Christian, but before you know it your Disney-esque Prince Charming will come to whisk you away on a Disney-eqsue (but totally Christian) romance!" to, "Dating needs to be a very formal procedure. Make out a list of all the requirements you have for your ideal spouse. Don't date anybody who doesn't check off every single one of those boxes, and if you start dating a guy, you darn well better marry him," and everything in between. Women were often taught all kinds of things to expect, and then guys were never taught by their fathers how to be real men, and what to do.
There's that. But compared to the messages we get in music, tv, and movies on how we should relate and value each other and be, it is a drop in the bucket. And unfortunately the "advice" we get from those are so wrong, but they are such an influence nonetheless simply because what is said x how many times it is said leaves the biggest impression. And to a certain degree we are a product of this, and the result is a massive social and spiritual disconnection with the cure being us opening up and saying how what other people do confuses us or affects us.
Another frustration, that I have personally experienced is that alot of women SEEM to think that despite their shortcomings (if they even adress them) that they deserve a prince charming.
no..that didnt sound right but I know what you mean.
ok well what about the men who are looking for a "barbie" doll but yet they dont look like Ken. Whats up with that?
Why dont the men just write "looking for a woman who looks like barbie in her shape and is submissive in every way, she cannot have her own thoughts or opinions"
Hmmmmm..... just where are you meeting these empty-headed, self-centered, selfish, barely Christian, Princesses, anyway?? I don't KNOW anyone like that. Is it an age thing?
Puzzling
At any rate ----- if that is the way you view women, you are hanging around/clicking on/talking to the wrong women. Just my opinion here folks. Trust me on this ----- we are not all like that.
