I've been reading posts for a while now and the general consensus among women is that they ignore "winks" sent on this site. Most ignore being added as a favourite and some even ignore short messages that just say hi, but most would respond at that point.
So, my question is: what would a guy have to do to make you respond to him (in any form)?
And then something for you to think about: who's sent you a wink that you've ignored? Could you have even deleted mr. right without realising it?
Carrying on a conversation is something that takes practice. I always use the general framework of "what would I like?"
If you'd like to practice on some ladies feel free to email me, and I'm sure others will be glad to help you out. This is something that is not taught -- you have to find out and figure out what works for you. And that takes practice.
I'm not sure exactly what makes a conversation continue without fizzling. Some conversations just start out pretty much dead (for example, the "Hi, how are you?" ones!). I'll try to give you some tips that I have found to be useful in online conversations...perhaps they will help at least a little, or give you some food for thought.
In the past, I have had email conversations that would go great for a week or so, but then it became more of a burden to answer his messages as the conversation continued. The only things I can think of that consistently happened in those conversations are these: the guy contacted me first, asked a very general question, never bothered to ask anything else, and answered my questions as briefly as possible. When I was doing all the asking, and given nothing of substance to respond to in his replies, it got very old very fast.
To keep a conversation going, don't be too afraid of asking questions. No, you don't want to get very personal too soon, but there are LOTS of things you can ask. Just Google "questions to ask on dates" and other similar topics. You'll find plenty of conversation starters that are fairly benign. You don't want to interrogate the girl without ever giving away some of your own "secrets", though, so be sure to answer your own questions...perhaps after she has had a chance to answer them. Respond to what she said, give your answer, and ask a related question. If you can't think of a related question, move on to another topic.
Encourage her to ask questions of you as well, and then answer them with more than one or two words. If it is something you aren't comfortable answering, answer as vaguely as possible and explain that you will be able to answer more fully once you know her better...that it is a personal topic for you.
If you are having a conversation via the IM feature on here or another site, follow similar guidelines. Ask questions, respond to her answers, give your own answers, allow/encourage her to ask questions, etc.
Other than those tips, I don't know how to keep a conversation from fizzling. The guy friend that I met on here a couple years ago turned out to be a good conversationalist, and we chatted for nearly 2 hours the first time we IMed. We still talk for long periods of time online and on the phone (not usually 2 hours, but it does happen once in a while). Sometimes the conversation is really good, and we don't run out of things to talk about. Other times, we talk for 15 minutes and find that we have nothing more to say. Sometimes we'll try to chat on our lunch breaks, and can't keep the conversation flowing, but that evening we'll talk for 2 hours non-stop. From what I've seen, that is the case with even people I see every day and know very well. My sister usually rides to school with me (she attends the college where I teach), and some days we'll talk the whole way there; other days we ride in nearly complete silence. Conversational ebb and flow is apparently fairly normal.
I hope all these tips will help a little. There is no perfect way to keep a conversation going! You really just have to find what works for you, and be flexible with trying different approaches depending on the girl you are talking to. They won't all respond the same way.
Well, I'd like to say DKJ- that your post most certainly won't be forgotten in a few days ... at least not by me!!
I can relate to just about everything that you said, and it's comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I grew up overweight, and spent my childhood and teen years as an outcast as well. I've always felt that I'm about 10-15 years behind on my maturation process. But, I guess that'll keep me "young" forever. :winksmile:
About 15 years ago God led me to the current field that I work in- special needs. I finally saw the blessing of all those years, and to me- my personal fulfillment of Joel 2:25 "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten ..."
I would bet that your difficult beginning in life has made you a very appreciative person of whatever good has come since. Any woman wants to be with a man who appreciates her, and has a humble side versus what we usually find: a king-size ego.:rolleyes:
... you will do fine. Go ahead and write that message!:glow:
I guess I was raised old fashioned. I respond to all in some way or another.
I ask the same question of a guy tho.
I am guilty of sending a wink just to see if they look at my profile and see if they have an interest to respond back...even with a wink, but it seems the census is the same with guys....they dont respond back either.
I personally think its rude to ignore an email...no matter how long or short...even if its just to say...I dont think we would be a good match.
I have not thought of any of those that I have responded back to with a "not a good match" text was THE one that I let slip thru my fingers.
I am keeping the faith that THE one is still out there.
i respond to all coz i see it rude to ignore anyone even if is just a wink,but if one winks,i wink back and they wink again then that seems to me as a game which i am not ready to play as i am not here for games,if i wink back then that at least should give the other person courage to write or just say hi to start a conversation.
