What if friend you are somehow destined to reconcile with one of your former exe's?
Will you be willing to take that change dear?
Say maybe the timing was wrong when you met, it only happened for whatever reason that only God would know.
He's not at fault that you guys broked up Though He's working on both of you separately, through your current experiences as separated to bring out the best in both of you, in a sense that complements each other as the altimate match.
There's this guy that I met on my very first job in Edgars East Rand Mall. (one of bigger malls around my former section of resident when was still staying home)
I had a naughty colligue who was very vigilant on these types of things (say maybe a guy fances/likes you, she'd be the first one to notice) and tell you. That was the case with this guy, she told me that she was going to the stockroom so that this guy should be able to talk to me, fore he's been passing by for a while now. I was doing customer service not know which guy was she talking about. He came broke the ice and we've exchanged cell numbers.
Back then Teach I was not even half of the woman I grew up to be now. Was weigh childish and na�ve while he was a total gentleman by appearance and behavior.
We made plans of going out... I dropped him on a last numite cause my friends were going out and it just wouldn't be without me. He understood my 'excuse' as I lied to him only to meet him where we were going with my friends. Didn't enjoy the movie hey,guilt got the best of me.
He called later I didn't answer.
Came to my workplace, i'd see him first and run to the stockroom. Until this one time when he called on private and asked for directions to my house. He only came to give me the key. Told me I should stop being childish and embrace this. Nothing made sense to me about the key and what he said. Was acting up in defense of explaining about lies the other day.
What I could pick up was that he shows up when i'm stranded. As if he knows I need help. Then i'll be decent with him cause I need help. He shows up in my every new workplace, places I least expect to see him. He'd come and greet me then carry on with he's business. This one time recently (maybe last year) I saw him in the mall, holding hands with this lady. I smiled in excitement for him, he deserves love I thought in my heart, he's such a sweet someone. Though I noted the look of guilty on he's face Teach when seeing me, it was almost as if I shouldn't have seen that.
I haven't seen him in my current workplace,
Somehow i'm expecting to... And wondering how is it gonna be like seeing him. As glad as I still am that he eventually found love, can't help appreciating and making sense of things he did before. Now I see things differently from the former days when I was childish.
Maybe I could never be he's match eventually, but he's one guy i'd still give a chance to.... The timing was wrong back then, maybe i'm still a 'jerk' even now. Only God knows.
This is where my question was coming from with Renov
The whole point was if it�s an ex- they are an ex- for a reason. Now ex-husband/wife is different (in my opinion because well oblivious you were married) than ex-boyfriend/girlfriend (well there a dime a dozen and no commitment before G-d). But, either way unless G-d has changed one of you or really both of you why get back together. G-d does change people all the time that�s the business He�s in the life changing business. So I think this is a question only you, the other person and G-d can answer.
I have been married to and divorced from two professing Christians. The first left me because I was very sick and we had no idea when I would get well. She was afraid that my depression would turn into serious mental illness and she made my life miserable until she left me. The second to leave me also had selfish reasons as well as addictive behavior issues and decided I was not a necessary part of her life. She was clean and sober but still had the problems of an addict. I was not aware of how serious her problem was until after I married her. She hid it pretty well. I would never go back to either one of them because I have very bad trust issues with them.
Oh well such is life hey.... I'm very sorry for what you've been through. And yes circumstances do count a lot.
Though with the guy I shared above, i'm not even exes with him, let alone being sure if i'll behave right this time around or i'll mess up again in my own recent ways. It was only a self conversation when I asked myself why do I fear commitment so much?
What if there's no one suitable to be my life time mate?
Should that be the case, how about those who tried to persue me previously?
That was when this one came in mind as I wondered why did he always came through when I needed help?
Why as I move from one place to onother do I always happen to meet him there and will joke about it, as he'd say "Oh you're here now, you won't run away from me..."
Its a question to Renov that I asked from a long self conversation since he seems to be struggling in a way to meet a right person, while I missed many opportunities of being with good people only for the fear of commitment.
My feincee wants to grow in her faith and this is why she chooses me. Even though I cna lead her in faith it is the difficult things of life that caounts when growing by faith.
Why? Because faith is trust in God plain and simple. Our fear, selfish desires and motives are what we are bringint to the table even when we are commited good christians.
Everyone wants the good without the difficult but it is in the difficult that God works in us.
When we abandon a marriage that we commited to how do we know God is not ready to work right around the corner?
We dont and we loose heart and miss the blessing God has in store for us. When we endure to the end by faith we receive the blessing. Whren we trust God by faith we receive the blessing. When we realise we brought our situation upon our selves due to our selfish rebellion and repent then God can work in at least 50% of any relationship.
My feincee asks me.....How do I know I will never abandon her? I tell her I promise and I always keep my promise and have kept my promise.
If we abandon a marriage for whatever reason can we really say I have kept my promise and can keep my promise? No
The evidence is in the past. God promises to never leave or forsake us, right? He has plenty of reason to do doesnt He?
Yet He forgives and restores us to Himself and we fail to follow His example in our marriages, why?
My wife really was verbally abusive and even hit me. My wife was unfaithful and cold. I like many people had good excuse to divorce her but I didnt. You know why?
Because of integrity. It takes integrity to keep a relationship and a vow and without integrity you might as well hang up the idea of marriage.
The integrity of Gods Athority over my situation and marriage.
My future bride now because of her integrity can bennifit from the security of my integrity and I her's.
"My wife really was verbally abusive and even hit me. My wife was unfaithful and cold."
We should ask her for her side of the story. Should we not? Does it even really seem right to speak so poorly of a person who is not here to defend their own reputation? Is that honorable?
If I were considering marrying somebody who already had a failed marriage, I would want to hear their former spouse's side of things. I asked a lady that I was talking with one time if this could be an option. She didn't want to permit the dialogue. What was she hiding? Now, maybe I had trust enough trust in her and would not have followed through anyway but if she trusted in me and had nothing to hide, she should have given me that option.
So, here is a good question, Should we be diligent to pursue finding out the whole case for a divorce before we consider pursuing someone who is divorced? It's just too easy for a person to present a very lopsided and biased view of why their own marriage failed. "I was verbally abused", "She was cold", etc. But why did this happen? What caused this? What did you do to bring out this kind of behavior in her? As men and leaders, do we not set the tone for a relationship?
@ sisygirl, Thanks for your empathy and understanding. I think the more times our hearts and lives are broken the more cautious we may become. In the past I was the kind of guy that fell in love hard and fast so I have had to be sure my guard is up just to keep myself from making a wrong decision.
@IWA I see your point too. But I would say that in my case I am not the same person that was in my previous marriages. So much time has passed and I have learned much more about my needs and my desires in a mate. My priorities have changed and my spiritual life is completely different. I have no idea what my exes would tell anyone about me but it wouldn't relate to how I am now so what good would it do? I don't believe in digging into someone's past. I believe we are on a journey and if you want to tell me where you have been that's fine but I want to live in the now and learn about the woman as she is, not how she has been. How was she hurt, what has she learned and how has that changed her? I believe that if she is not growing and changing because of God's work in her life then she will be as poisonous to me as stagnant water.
Yes, of course, if the marriage is in the distant past, you are probably quite right. However, I have run across many people who are "fresh out of a marriage" or "separated and looking". Personally, I avoid this group but I know others often don't. In such an instance, would it be reasonable then?
I was only using that as a example of what I hear all of the time placing the blame on the other and that is my justification for divorce.
Yet it was not I who divorced her either time. It was not I who made excuses. It was not I who abandoned my vow. My point exactly and because of my obedience to God I am now being blessed by God with a good relationship.
Where others continue to go from relationship to relationship.
I didnt make the excuse and because I endured I grew and repentence came out of my endurance through obedience. Repentence that lead to life in marriage relationship.
That now I have a proven relationship that consitantly works and has peace and security.
I have been mocked for proclaiming practical expressions of faith but practical expressions of Faith is what is pleasing to God.
But to each their own and whoever wants to walk their own path......let them....
But it is insane to do the same thing expecting different results and the results speak for their selves or should I say ( fruit)
