To what extend do you believe in giving one a second chance?
Let's say you do meet someone here that you connect and get along well with. After a number of emails have been sent and received from him, he eventually starts to open up and share with you how bad he feels about his marriage that didn't work out. Had he knew then what he knows now (being saved and taught better how much God has entrusted man with families) he would have done everything it took to save his marriage, not to mention letting his kids experience the unpleasantness of having to altinate between their parents when they need them both inspite of whose more responsible and reliable than the other.
He emphasizes how different he is now from the person that he used to be and how willing is he to make up to his kids and his former wife if possible, only if he can be given a second chance . You can't help but feel his sincerity every time he asks you to present him to God in your personal prayers since you've now adapted to a habit of praying for each others needs. Somehow you start feeling that he does deserve a second chance if only God can make means of uniting them and soften their hearts, especially the lady's heart if she hasn't moved on into another relationship.
Few days latter the brother uploads his profile pic only to find that you've been praying for your ex husband to be given a second chance by his former wife (you)
"Reconciliation" on the heels of a divorce due to infidelity, can be a journey thru great hurt, pain, lost trust, anger, low self esteem, etc.! Two people, especially believers, who started out with a vow to love no other, then by some inexcusable reason one breaks that vow......to be honest my sister can be a very, very difficult and deep wound to heal!! Personally, if the infraction was against me and my ex-husband tried to reconcile using the method you gave here, honestly I would have to lean exclusively on the wisdom, direction and guidance of The Lord because of my broken heart!! I wouldn't want to make any decisions thru my own disappointment and bitterness!
Frankly speaking I would just be devastated by the whole thing!! Yet hoping with prayer, time, counseling and healing, I would want to at least be able to have an amicable, adult relationship with my ex for our children's sake! To me "communications" in this entire travesty, will be key! And to be on this or any other dating site....well that's the only tool we have(smile)! Maybe in time we could start all over again, but the road to reconciliation in a situation like this will take patience, honesty and a great deal of Gods' love!
Sisygirl I hope this answered some, if not all your later inquiries(smile). And of course if it didn't, I know you won't hesitate to let me know(smile)! May His favor always hedge itself around you and yours!
This would have been a tough situation on both parties if it was a real experience. It seemed hard when I thought about it before posting, but kept giving the benefit of the doubt on the other part claiming to have changed, repented and pleading for a second chance! It surely seems harder now that I've red your last reply. Suppose I've neglected the depth of the lady's wounds and focused more on this new creature's willingness and genuineness to sort out the issues of his family. My mistake!
This takes me back to our former conversation when I asked, "When does one start living up to his/her marriage vows?" What does the guy do if the lady does something that shakes his trust on her as her future wife to be? Does he walk away while he still can or does he start right there learning to forgive since he'll be expected to forgive unceasingly when his a husband?" (this doesn't justify us doing wrong intentionally just cause God's word is harder on guys). I now think we should consider and make most of our options while we still can, before being officially committed! Your last reply is mind opening.
This makes me wonder why then would couples not wanna be counseled when there's much to consider? (this is not necessarily a question directed to you dear, just wondering to myself). I have a spiritual mother who is a marriage counselor by profession. She once said to me and a group of girls, "Couples intending to get married never come again for their counseling after their first session. Why? Cause we bring forth subjects they'd rather not listening to when they so excited and inlove. We bring the reality of marriage on both saved and unsaved couples. At times you'll be even surprised that they not equally yoked from the word go!" Then I asked, "Does this mean they've changed their minds now that they not coming anymore?" Her reply was, "Nope, they carrying on with the wedding! The bad person here turns out to be me, carrying on about 'terrible' possibilities that they might find themselves having to deal with, when they so inlove with 'NO' possibility (that's what they think) of them dealing with divorce and the after effects of divorce.... being 'stuck' together until death do them part!"
Then I asked further, "Why do you first bring up the disadvantages of marriage and not the great part of it especially on their first session? That would have scared me!" she said, "First session of counseling determines the possibility of the marriages' success or failer, only they don't know that!" Most often couples who don't continue with thief sessions, will be coming back few years latter for a divorce counseling and recovery support sessions. If couples can't bear listening when counseled about the unfortunate truth and reality of marriage weather they are saved or unsaved, then you know for a fact that hard times are gonna destroy their marriage!"
I then thought it's wiser to consider getting married when one is no longer inlove with the chosen partner, but when you have now decided to love that person inspite of his/her....
Much blessings to you Joy for all you've shared.... This has been a 'tough' subject indeed!
Sisygirl I wanted to make one more comment, coming off a statement you made in your last post, but first I wanted to remind myself that it was the ex husband whose changed his life for Christ, but if I'm not mistaken in your example, he did so AFTER the divorce!
1Cor. 7:15-16.....But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband or how knowest thou, O man whether thou shalt save thy wife?
Powerful huh?! Though The Lord makes it clear that, if it's still me in this scenario, I could move on, marry again even with the fact my ex husband was unfaithful, yet he did give his life to Christ! But still The Lord "calls us to peace". And the reason why we divorced is really irrelevant to God because He obviously wants only for us to abide in His Word and it's instructions! Could I take him back under the circumstances presented......only if I did so unselfishly! Only if I did so because by the leading of the Holy Spirit, I've been directed to do so! I was suppose to include this in my last post here my sister, but got distracted with what I was "feeling"! Not on what thus saith The Lord!
When you mentioned the professional counselor there you take advisement from and what she said about most engaged couples not coming back after the first session....what came to me was what if a married couple, whether it be believers or non-believers, continue some type of counseling thru out their first few years of marriage? Why is it usually done only before the marriage? Just an after thought! Thank you my friend for helping to remind me what will ALWAYS be important: God's love, forgiveness and His Word! Until our next meeting of the spirit, heart and mind........
