Thread: Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
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Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 14 Sep, 2010 06:30 AM
I wanted to just get some insight into the world of Christian dating about attraction and the physical elements that come along with it. I understand that this life is short and we shouldn't be concerned with the physical but when it comes to dating and marriage...that is something that we only get here on this Earth. I don't believe I get to heaven and my wife comes running to me saying "I'm so glad you're here, I've been lonely." Till death do us part means our relationship ends at death correct?
So anyway, it seems like people expect Christians (Specifically men) to overlook physical beauty and look at the heart. I know men are very visual and God created us that way (Why? I'm not sure) but do you believe we should pursue or even entertain the thought of dating women we are not attracted to physically? I know women do that all the time, but I feel like they are wired differently.
I guess I would just like to hear some well thought out responses to this, because I seem to get a lot of ridicule for having high standards and wanting certain physical attributes to be there when I consider dating and marriage.
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 14 Sep, 2010 08:28 PM
Dee, I used to hate men before I knew Christ. I hate to be starred by them like a piece of meat. And I was very cynical. Then I knew Christ and everything just changed. Along my journey with Him, I felt someway somehow I was changed slowly but sure. I couldn't recall why, but I just stopped hating men and accepted the fact that men were visual creature. That's just the fact, like the sun rises in the east.
Joining the forum, at some point, I can see that looks is important, yet it's not everything. And, that factor takes bigger percentage on men side, women usually don't care that much of looks (obviously not as the same as men).
The whole idea of this kind of talks is, men are visual creature yet women aren't 100% confident on their looks (I haven't met any woman that boldly says she's 100% confident of her looks, I'm not even sure that kind of woman exists today).
I hope that those facts would help all of us to understand opposite gender better =)
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 14 Sep, 2010 09:03 PM
I really don't think this is an issue that's straight black or white. There aren't only men who "go for looks" and only men who don't. Like I said, it's a factor in the overall equation. There are plenty of other factors. I guarantee that if you lined up all my past girlfriends, you wouldn't be able to find any sort of pattern physically. I thought they were all pretty though.
Also, it's a total lie that women aren't concerned with looks at all. After all, if women didn't care about looks, Taylor Lautner would look like a hobbit and keep his shirt on all movie. Beyond that, things like how a man dresses, how tall he is, how big he is, what shoes he wears, etc. are all common physical traits women go for. There are plenty of profiles on here where women say in one sentence that they're looking for a guy who isn't very concerned with looks and then go on in the next sentence to say they can't date someone who isn't taller than them.
It needs to be okay to admit that looks are a factor for most people, and not just young guys.
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2010 12:13 AM
There are a lot of conflicts I'm seeing in the initial post, but here it goes...
Nobody should be faulted for wanting to be with somebody they are attracted to. HOWEVER, the listing of physical attributes on your profile sends out a very narrow-minded and selfish appearance. I don't recommend ANYBODY list what they want physically in the other person on their profile, it simply gives off the appearance of selfishness and that the relationship is going to be all about them.
There is also the double standard of what men are allowed to be/want and what women are allowed to be/want. I am tired of the idea that women in general can overlook physical appearances more easily than men can. I, for one, cannot. If somebody is not visually attractive to me from the get-go, it's not going to happen. And I think that's fine and I shouldn't be penalized for it, and neither should guys.
What I don't like is the attitude of listing physical requirements. It is silly. You never know who you are going to find attractive. You may think you have a 'type', but if you are bent on adhering to a type, I think you are more concerned with the image other people have with that TYPE of person. I've known of a lot of guys who will only date blondes... and they find some unattractive blondes.
Something that tickled me about having super-short pixie hair for years: always hearing from men how they thought they loved long hair until they saw short hair on me. Then why am I growing it out long again? Because my busy life doesn't allow for paying/sitting for haircuts every three weeks any more.
Wow, that was long and disjointed... have fun not understanding me! :goofball:
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2010 12:51 AM
Concerning attractivness I would say that women need to be attracted, but they are attracted to different things i.e. eyes, arms, fitness, stlye, jaw line etc..with some overlap with mens preferences. I think the biggest difference is the value we place on attractivness. For instance I would venture to say a woman would place a value of maybe 6 or 7 (depending on the woman) on physical attractivness, where as men would place a 9 or 10. Please keep in mind that it is SUBJECTIVE, men vary in taste, and it isnt the only criteria by which men choose a mate.
I have an idea of why women give us so much grief about this subject, but perhaps listing exact preferences isnt wise. Ive learned that its not so much what you say with women, its how you say it, and sometimes its wise not to say it at all.
Im not attacking you so please dont take me that way,I just wanna try to share what I learned from the mistakes I have made :)
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2010 01:13 AM
Rabbit, I think you said what I think I wanted to say, but didn't know how to put it.
As a tallish, athletic woman, if I were looking for a man and saw that he preferred what happened to be my body type or whatever, I'd immediately think, "Ick, that's all he's going to notice about me."
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2010 04:19 PM
You said: Nobody should be faulted for wanting to be with somebody they are attracted to. HOWEVER, the listing of physical attributes on your profile sends out a very narrow-minded and selfish appearance. I don't recommend ANYBODY list what they want physically in the other person on their profile, it simply gives off the appearance of selfishness and that the relationship is going to be all about them.
*I don't think it's that big of a deal and I think if that were the case I wouldn't get so many emails. I'm not sure if you really know what you're talking about on this one. I can tell by your posts you like to speak authoritatively. Your opinion is your opinion. You're a student not an expert.*
You said: There is also the double standard of what men are allowed to be/want and what women are allowed to be/want. I am tired of the idea that women in general can overlook physical appearances more easily than men can. I, for one, cannot. If somebody is not visually attractive to me from the get-go, it's not going to happen. And I think that's fine and I shouldn't be penalized for it, and neither should guys.
* "Women in General" that's what we are talking about. Women in general will overlook physical because they are attracted to other things (Power, Money, Status). Men are visual creatures. You're the exception*
You said: What I don't like is the attitude of listing physical requirements. It is silly. You never know who you are going to find attractive. You may think you have a 'type', but if you are bent on adhering to a type, I think you are more concerned with the image other people have with that TYPE of person. I've known of a lot of guys who will only date blondes... and they find some unattractive blonde
* If they only date blondes, then how is that blonde unattractive to them? I generally know who I'm going to find attractive lol. I've been on Earth for 26 years as myself and have a pretty good idea of what I find attractive. You're also making my physical attributes out to be written in stone...I've dated many women tall and short, long hair and short hair. I've also got a great deal of experience in short term and long term relationships (serious and no sot serious) so the idea that I'm silly and you're not is rude and annoying. Lastly, your opinion is not general consensus so you shouldn't post it like it is.*
- I'll apologize now because I'm sure that was combative but I don't like being called silly because my profile didn't meet your fancy. Also don't assume you know more than other people about relationships/psychology of dating or whatever.
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2010 05:21 PM
Why do you care so much about what other people find attractive? I mean I for one am secure enough to know that when I don't fit the bill of what a woman says she finds physically attractive to know that I have a lot of other great things to offer, and if she really is that shallow, ignorant, or naive enough to have it set in stone to only consider a specific set of guys that it is just her and what she thinks, not all woman-kind and that it's her loss and it's not worth letting it have any bearing on my happiness.
To me it's a balance between putting some effort into your appearance, and carrying yourself with poise and confidence. I think that's what stands out the most on first impressions with us guys, maybe the ladies too. That makes us want to pursue to find out you have a great personality as well. If so that makes us want to pursue to find out if you have good morals and see if you are trustworthy and loyal. And if all those line up, I know I have an ace.
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2010 06:02 PM
rightwing:
I will just say that I was not physically attracted to my husband and I couldnt get passed it. Everyone told me that it would change but it didnt. Supposedly I would fall in love with his heart and I would see him differently but it NEVER happened and when your not physically attracted to someone, aint NOTHIN happening. I am here on this site because I'm divorced, 8 years single and apparently I have high standards as well cuz... well, it's been 8 years and still single :)
He doesnt have to be drop dead gorgeous but I need that physical attraction for sure. My ideal person would be 6 feet tall and maybe 220 lbs. Knock out smile and I like a few extra pounds. but all those things...dont mean anything. It doesnt mean i will only speak with those types of men, cuz I know God...and He will bring me something different, He loves doing that stuff. The spiritual things, I wont compromise but the physical, yes of course.
all in all, I still need to be physically attracted or it wont happen.
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 15 Sep, 2010 10:28 PM
River: Thanks for being honest. I'm so sick of Christians thinking they have to be super spiritual about dating and marriage. Don't buy into the hype that you need to give into someone you're not attracted to just to be with someone. If God wants me all to himself then that's ok too, but I will not settle so I don't feel lonely.
Why do Christians think Physical Attraction doesn't matter?
Posted : 16 Sep, 2010 12:41 AM
Well I agree that for me anyways physical attraction needs to be there, why I dont know. If its not and I try to force myself...well lets just say it just wont work. fyi she dosent have to be a model
Although I would not agree on what ALL women are after. I want the woman that wants the tresure in a perishable container, as is my desire.
