Author	Thread: Why do most women....
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 02:32 PM ...run from a conflict...or so it SEEMS. If they get offended, how come they don't aproach the "offender" It APPEARS like ALOT of women instead, "share" with one another, and ineviatably run the person's name in the mud. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 02:43 PM That isa very safe question.i hope you get some good answers. I will be watching.Dennis Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 03:07 PM I can only speak for myself and my own motives here, but I would say that it's a pride issue. I try very, very hard to NOT do this and am often needing to flip to Matthew 18 to remind myself of how conflict should be handled. On the occasions that I have contacted another woman about a conflict I'm having with someone, it's because I've wanted validation. I want someone to tell me that I'm right; the person I'm having a conflict with isn't very likely to do that =p And that comes down to pride -- wanting to feed my perceived need rather than resolve and restore. I will say that Godly counsel is a good thing, but that it is VERY different from the gossip that us women seem to naturally be prone to. We must be very careful with who we choose to go to for such counsel, and I think that it shows wisdom to have a very small circle of accountability there. I listen to Mark Driscoll (from Mars Hill Church) quite a bit, and he said something in regard to conflict in marriage that made a lot of sense to me and that I think is good model to be following. At the beginning of his marriage to his wife, Grace, they mutually selected 2-3 accountability couples, and they agreed that martial conflict would not be discussed out of that small circle of people. So, if Mark needs counsel in regards to conflict he's having with Grace, he will go to one of the guys among these couples; likewise, if Grace has a conflict with Mark, she'll go to one of the women among the couples. For us singles, I think we could follow a similar pattern. I think that selecting a group of 2-3 accountability persons is a good choice. And we shouldn't select those who are going to tell us that we're right, but who will point us to the Word and give us honest, Biblical advice as to how to resolve things. That said, Matthew 18 does instruct us to first approach the person who has offended us. Seeking Godly counsel in not a substitute for that. If Godly counsel is sought prior to directly approaching the person, it must be with the intent to seek advice as to how to approach the person (and to ask for prayer in the situation). In a situation with me awhile back, I needed to approach someone about something and a good friend took a look over the email I wished to send to this other person, and advised me to cut out about 75% of what I wanted to say (because it didn't need to be said). And immediately following that, I sent the email. The goal here was to restore things with the person I had conflict with and my discussion of it with my friend was toward that end. Post Reply
riveroflife1 View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 03:30 PM emotionally immature Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 04:25 PM :waving:...Welcome back to Forums Rabbit...:bunny: Why do most women run from a conflict... *** I do not believe nor have I seen "Most" women run from conflict when offended...but "Some" women do. or so it SEEMS. If they get offended, how come they don't aproach the "offender" *** I'm not sure why but it could be because of lack in communication skills and/or emotionally imature. Some women do aproach the offender with good intentions to resolve the issue.Each situation is differant and each person is differant. It APPEARS like ALOT of women instead, "share" with one another, and ineviatably run the person's name in the mud. *** Ha ! Ha !...you used the "Share" word...I'm pokeing fun at myself here cuz I use that word alot...:goofball:...I dont know about how it appears to you Rabbit cuz I'm not seeing through your eyes nor do I know you very well...so generally speaking...I do know that women do share and talk with one another on sites like this, e-mail, phone and even letters by pony express about all kinds of things pertaining to life, family, work and last but diffinately not lest God. As far as the ineviatbly running the persons name into the mud...well...thats just not a very nice thing to do to a person or to have done unto you...xo Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 06:34 PM Why I don't approach the offender: Before I didn't approach and offender because I was overly emotional... I knew "If I go up to him/her i'll speak more then what i need to say, i'll explode and make this situation worse" so what would I do? avoid the situation as to not make it worse. NOW that I have realized that allowing emotions to control my reaction is enmity toward God, I have learned to first breathe, take a step back and observe what just had happened, and if its something that I should be offended for then I approach the offender in a calm unemotional like manner. point blank. Share with others: oh boy you got me there! hahaha, ya i'd share with my girlfriends why? cos most of my girls would automatically take my side! we women are odd bunch, we run to eachother for comfort but can be extremely mean to eachother, why? emotional instability. Anyways... I share with my girls cos they would take my side they would tell me what i wanna hear! Some girls do, some girls don't, so i'd go with the girls that would take my side even if it was my fault... now that i'm more mature, i'd go with my mother AND father... a woman AND males point of view. My mother nurtures me and my father looks at the problem and tells me hwo to fix it. there you go Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 10:47 PM @Lilo: I think that's wise to go to both of your parents. Men are women do typically approach problems differently! That way, you get a well-rounded view of things. One thing that I've learned in seeking Godly counsel is that if I really am looking for a resolution, that I shouldn't go to my more emotional friends for advice, because they DO have that tendency to just make me want to feel better v. actually giving me something something constructive to work with. Post Reply
Rabbit32 View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 10:58 PM lol, Ii ended a relationship over sharing. Ii've learned that I have to filter what I share and with whom... :( Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 14 Jun, 2011 11:03 PM *sigh* Me too, Rabbit. That's a difficult lesson =( I have a friend who is known to gossip quite a bit... I trusted her with things that I shouldn't have. I've since learned that if something really is private that she's not the one to be seeking counsel from. When we select persons to go to for counsel, we have to be so careful that they're trustworthy. That's why I think it works well to have accountability partners -- that way it's 2-sided and you're each seeking counsel from the other and agreeing to keep each other's "secrets" private. Post Reply
View Profile History	Why do most women.... Posted : 15 Jun, 2011 12:32 PM I have gone to women on this site with personal emails when I have a question/observation on something they have posted. The exception to this is when the person is obviously mentally/emotionally unbalanced. And I discern that from their multiple postings, not just one thread or one post. Over time those women (and men too) reveal themselves. Post Reply