What is the point in being friends with a guy if the friendship is just going to end or become close to nothing when they find that "special girl"?
I just started a new job a few weeks ago working with a non-profit Christian organization. I am travelling around the Mid-west area for the next four months with just one other girl, but the first two weeks all of the employees (also called techs) trained together in Los Angeles. They did that so that we would build a community to encourage and support each other while we are on the road. There are about 9 guys and 11 girls, and they are all awesome people, but it became apparent during training that most of the guys were intentionally getting to know the girls to see if they were "date-worthy"... Four dating relationships have already started and two are in the making. I'm friends with some of the guys, but I just don't see the point in being friends with them if they will never even think about dating me even after getting to know me.
Two things come to mind about this situation. One, if they are true friends, they will always be friends. Maybe not best friends, but a real friend is a friend for life. Two, outside relationships change when people start dating. It's normal. It doesn't matter if you are male or female, the dater or the datee, or the friend. It doesn't mean that change is for the worse, it's just different......sort of growing into a new normal :) Hope that helps???
In my own experience, I've only had one really close guy friend (as an adult, naturally...childhood friends that I never see anymore don't count!), and we've only known each other for about 2 years. All of my other guy friends have been short-term friends, and weren't the type of friends that I called to chat with for no particular reason...they were just guys that I knew and did things with in large group settings. All of those friends would drift away from everyone in the group while they were dating; it wasn't just me that they deserted. When they were single again, they'd come back.
My close friend, on the other hand, has been in one serious relationship and several more casual relationships since we've been friends. The only change in our friendship during those times was the fact that he just didn't seem to have as much time to talk...which was understandable given the fact that he was talking to his girlfriend! When we did talk (he always made sure to keep in touch with me regularly), our conversations were the same as they had always been. I know that when he meets some really special and is well on his way down the road to marriage, our friendship will probably end or change drastically. After all, his entire life will change drastically at that point.
So to answer your question, "What's the point?" Well, being friends with a guy you aren't dating can give you a glimpse into the mystery of a guy's brain, put you in a position to meet other guys, and it can be a lot of fun too. Just don't get too attached, and realize that the friendship may not be a long or deep one.
I say you're presented with a unique opportunity to get to know the world of guys better so that when you do see some one you're interested in you can relate really well. I mean over all, who cares? It's just a stupid, unideal, temporary situational thing. So yeah, go with the flow and be a good, true friend. You'll probably learn a lot, and be able to teach them a lot about your world in turn and it'll be a cooler less pathetic experience than just dating somebody just because.
I was a CAMFEL tech in the 91-92 school year and I can see where your coming from. I remember training and that did happen a bit with our group as well. We had 14 teams we only had 6 ladies and two belonged to their husband partners so that left the other 4. We were all very good friends and talked as often as we could but then we didn't have cell phones, computers, or email. We also looked for every opportunity to cross paths with one of the other teems and hang out if we could but it didn't happen very often. It was just your standard land line when we could find one. I value the many friends that I made that year and romance and relationships weren't really an issue but you do have a great opportunity to develop some awesome friendships that could last your lifetime that have nothing to do with romance. Us guys can make some pretty awesome friends if you will give us a chance. So don't be afraid to be a good friend to a guy. If he is in it for only more to satisfy his his own arrogant attitude than he probably won't make a good friend or husband anyhow. I firmly believe that any successful relationship begins with a solid friendship where ever it my lead. Tell the gang in Irwindale ( if they are still in Irwindale) hi from Bruck and see if anyone there remembers me.
It really must be a friendship before it can be a relationship. If you do date and start right out in a relationship, there will be many challenges down the road. Not that there aren't anyway. :glow:
The point is that you are there to work and not to find a man. Sorry, for the bluntness. I don't know your age, but you should know that mixing business with pleasure can become very complicated. If the men were looking for "a date worthy" woman. You should count your lucky stars that they didn't pick you. With that kind of mentality. You are better of alone. I will be extremely worry if I worked in a place that people just dated, because they were together all the time. Is that really a relationship based on substance. Plus who wants to feel auctioned.
Look at the bright side. Being friends with these fabulous men could be a good thing. They will get to know you and can recommend you to their single friends.
Part of it Katie, is not to get trapped in looking at those who did couple up and come to the wrong conclusion "what's the matter with me?, Aren't I dateable?". If no one else coupled up you probably would not be feeling this way, am I right?
We get duped into thinking that, hey, there are alllll these single Christians here... mathematics says that I will most likely find my mate here! But God does not work with mathematics and probabilities. He has the puzzle all figured out. We just make ourselves available and be attentive. Learn as we walk along the way.
And try not to get distracted by all the other 'apparently' wonderful couplings going on. I don't want to be married just so I can say "I crossed that mysterious line and have a ring for proof that I am loved"... I want my match to be one designed by God to benefit more than just my needs, but to make an impact on the world (or at least the part of the world in which I have influence)!
Lots of good and loving advice from the brothers and sisters on this thread...hope it is helpful! :rolleyes:
I think I know what organization you're with, and I know a couple that got married because of it. Ha.
I'm unsure of your complaint. You mention that you're frustrated because the guys seem to be befriending the girls only to see if they're date-worthy, yet you go on to ask what the point of friendship is if these guys will never want to date you? In essence, you're doing the same thing they're doing - you've just already made up your mind about whether or not they're dateworthy, decided they aren't, and given up on friendship.
There are many obvious benefits - no, not those kind - to pursuing friendship or allowing friendship with anyone. You don't know the importance or significance that any one of your relationships with your teammates might have, now or years down the road. Even if not, you can still be the better person and offer friendship freely without holding on to it in hopes of getting something in return. You may end up making a new friend or you may not, but either way, it's worth the effort and it's worth trying, if only for practice in working with people.
