Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2011 02:01 PM
My best friend and I have discussed this a time or two, and I was wondering what other people thought or felt about it.
She says, couples (specifically, spouses)sharing a social page protects the relationship from online adultery. She was all for it when her boyfriend suggested it, because she wanted to please him.
I say, his motives for wanting her to give him her account information were wrong. In his case it showed a serious lack of trust and respect for her as an individual. He has low self esteem and severe control freak issues. He wanted to isolate her from all her friends and made comments about putting her in a chastity belt, even though she NEVER gave him any reason not to trust her.
They aren't together anymore, for obvious reasons, but she still says she likes the idea of shared accounts.
I can kind of see her point about protecting a marriage, but I still think that if you can't trust your spouse to have a social page or email account of their own, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. On some level, you should be able to trust the person you are married to, to stay faithful and not do inappropriate things behind your back.
I always tell people I'm with, if someone else hits on me, I will be honest and tell you about it. In the past, we would laugh about it. One gentleman said it was flattering to know other men found me attractive, but that he knew I was all his.
I also make it clear to them I will never, EVER, cheat. I've never given anyone a reason not to trust me, so it's never been an issue. No one has ever asked me to share accounts with them. If they did, I would seriously wonder why they would feel the need to do so.
What do you all think?
Would you be willing to share your Facebook or Myspace account with the person you are dating/engaged to/married to?
Would you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to be able to read EVERY single email you get?
Would you want your significant other to be able to have access to your online banking information, or order things online under your name?
How would you feel if someone asked you for your passwords to "check up on you?"
Would you do it to please them, or would you do it because you actually wanted to?
Or, would you tell them to get psychiatric help for their insecurities and trust issues?
Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2011 03:01 PM
First, I think there's a BIG difference between a boyfriend, a fiance, and a husband.
A boyfriend has no business sharing my social sites, email address, or any other online log-ins. If it's password protected, he shouldn't be there as "me."
A fiance might have a few of my passwords, but he still wouldn't need to be reading my messages/emails, messing with my online banking, etc. I would trust him enough to give him the "harmless" passwords, but would also trust that he wouldn't violate my privacy.
A husband, on the other hand, is quite a different situation. I personally think that combined finances are best in a marriage (though I'm SURE there are exceptions), so of course we would share an online banking account. I don't, however, really see the need to share an account on a social site or share an email address. However, I would want to give my husband all of my passwords, and I would want all of his. In a marriage, passwords should be to keep the "bad guys" out of our business...not each other out. Of course, the fact that we COULD use those passwords doesn't mean that we SHOULD use those passwords. There should be a deep enough level of trust and respect in a marriage that snooping isn't a problem or a necessity.
Now, if a boyfriend wanted my passwords or wanted to combine accounts or addresses, it would be a HUGE red flag. I'd probably refuse as I was running the other way.
Same thing for a fiance. That would seem rather controlling to me, and I'd probably want to slow the relationship way down until we'd sorted through some things.
If a husband requested it, I might consider it (combining accounts, that is), but would want him to consider my point of view as well.
Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2011 06:19 PM
It really creeps me out - as an outsider. As an insider, I couldn't stand it.
Honestly, if a person is going to cheat on a spouse, they will find a way to do it regardless of facebook/email. And there are many occasions and reasons for wanting private communication outside of cheating. I wouldn't feel comfortable sending a message to a "couple", even if it wasn't anything terribly private - if I want to contact my friend in the relationship, I don't want her husband reading my email. The idea of a married person completely losing their individual identity is disturbing and unhealthy.
Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 18 Sep, 2011 11:07 PM
" I wouldn't feel comfortable sending a message to a "couple", even if it wasn't anything terribly private - if I want to contact my friend in the relationship, I don't want her husband reading my email. The idea of a married person completely losing their individual identity is disturbing and unhealthy."
I totally agree! People should have freedom to be who they are in a relationship, and not become just someone's significant other. Being an individual and not losing who you are in a relationship is important.
I'm not entirely sure how I would handle it if someone I dated wanted to seriously do that. I think I would definitely feel offended at the implication of mistrust. How could you not? If you can't trust the person you are with, you don't belong with them, and some people have such deep trust issues, they shouldn't even be in a relationship until they get their issues figured out and dealt with.
At the same time, I have other friends who share an email account and a Facebook page, but I'm pretty sure they do so because they both actually want to, and they also probably respect each others privacy and not read every single email the other gets. Still, it's weird for me.
I guess I like my freedom and privacy a bit too much to give it up.
Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 19 Sep, 2011 09:40 AM
I just noticed you said dated in addition to marriage - I can't even find enough words to explain how much I disagree with doing that IN A DATING RELATIONSHIP. Oh, heck no. NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT, DEALBREAKER, WE WOULD NOT BE DATING FOR LONG.
Couples sharing social pages and email accounts? Yay or Nay?
Posted : 19 Sep, 2011 10:00 AM
Stop following me around. I'm not interested. This thread has nothing to do with you, and it will not have anything to do with you, regardless of how you crave the attention.
