If there is a girl out there who would hold your past against you like that, or make you feel in any way guilty, ashamed or condemned for it, then she isn't the one for you.
We all have a past, and things we did we aren't proud of. You can't change that. No one can. So find yourself a woman who understands that we all make mistakes and look past them to who you are today.
Christ is all about grace and forgiveness. So if she can't forgive you for something you did before you were a Christian, find someone who can. :)
Think of it this way...the desires of a woman's heart need to be met the same way men's basic desires need to be met. What do men desire from a woman most? Respect is huge...
If the woman you were with didn't respect you, would you stay with that woman? Probably not. You would want to be with someone who understood what you needed and did their best to give you those things.
Women may have different basic heart desires than a man, but the need to have those met by the man in our life is no different than a man's desire to be respected by his woman. Different, but no less important.
There are three keys to a woman's heart, and the man who really understands them will win it, eventually. At our core, women are just more emotional than men. We don�t necessarily feel more deeply than men, we just let it all out more often. Women can�t change that, because we are designed that way by God, to reflect more of His emotional, sensitive, nurturing side. For a woman to feel most fulfilled, and loved, she must have three basic emotional desires of her heart met:
1. Every woman wants to be romanced�and not just when you�re trying to seduce her. Take the time to be romantic with your woman every day, or she will find someone who will. Women all have a desire to have a great relationship, and we recognize one when we see one. We recognize a bad one too. We KNOW when we are really, truly loved, and when we are not. If you�re not really in love with her, she knows it, trust me.
2. Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. We want to know you find us enticing, attractive, lovely, radiant, sexy. There is a reason little girls like to twirl around in princess dresses and ask her daddy if she is beautiful. When that little girl grows up, she wants to know the man is with thinks she�s beautiful too. So show her she is beautiful to you. You�ve got to mean it, or it doesn�t really count for much to her.
3. Every woman wants to know she is irreplaceable to you. Just how every man wants a battle to fight, and a grand adventure to go on, and a princess to rescue; the lady in your life wants to know that she has a place in that adventure, by your side. She wants to know that you need her, and that you want HER to be the one going on adventures with you. That is why women get all catty and upset when we see you looking at other girls...it makes us feel like you are looking for some kind of upgrade, that we aren't good enough, and that we could be replaced someday.
If a man can understand these simple concepts and meet these deeply ingrained desires of a woman's heart...then she will always be his...so long as he is the one who KEEPS meeting these needs...not just until he "has her" and then stops...if you want to keep a woman's heart, you have to continually woo her heart.
Men...Want to understand women more? Read CAPTIVATING by Staci Elderidge
I would love to have children, and the Lord has promised me a son and daughters. I am waiting on God to bring me the right man He has for me. I will not, and can not, go against what God has told me and settled for someone other than the man God has destined me to be with. I will wait for however long I have to wait, and I know that there will come a day when God will bless me with the husband and family He promised me, and it will be well worth the time I have spent in prayer over my husband, our children and our futures.
If there are problems in the relationship now, they will only be BIGGER problems in the marriage. Marriage DOES NOT solve relationship issues. Only prayer, the Holy Spirit, good Christian based counseling and BOTH people in the relationship WILLING to work out the issues (and compromise) will solve anything. It sounds to me there are already some serious doubts about this match, which means, marrying probably isn't the best decision.
Furthermore, not all marriages are blessed and approved by God. Just because a couple hooks up, dates, and decided to get engaged, does not mean God approves of the match. Not everyone who is married on Earth is legally married in God's eyes. Very few people actually pray before getting married and are bold and daring enough to ASK PERMISSION FROM GOD to marry that person. (Men and women BOTH need to pray, and not make any decision to marry until BOTH get a clear green light from the HOLY SPIRIT) So, pray first, ALWAYS, and ask God if the person you are contemplating spending the rest of your life with, is the best (God ordained) match for you. If it is really NOT the person God has for you, then He will tell you very clearly, and you will know what to do next. If you choose to ignore what God is telling you, then you only set yourself up for a lifetime of living a life not in line with God's will for your life, and you will have no grounds to blame God for the challenges and troubles you will face while being married to the wrong person.
Marriage is serious in God's eyes. Meant to be a life long commitment to each other, to be together and stand by each other and blend your lives together. It's not to be taken lightly, or jumped into quickly. You are spiritually linking everything you are, and ever will become, your entire destiny with another person. Marrying the wrong person can keep a person from really fulfilling the call of God on their life. You have to be 100% SURE you are ready to marry, and marrying the right person, AND have permission from God to do so. Until then, you are only acting in your own will and desires and flesh, and not the Spirit of God.
You can't hold yourself responsible for how other people choose to feel. If you have agreed to stay friends with this person, then just accept their gestures as friendly (and nothing more) or ask them to stop doing special things for you and just treat you as any one of their other friends.
No matter what you choose to do about this, you have no reason to feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. :)
I suppose you could date according to personality type...but then that kind of takes the element of GOD out...what if the person God has for you, doesn't have the personality type you think you want? Someone what we want, and what we NEED are two different things. Opposites attract for a reason. :)
I go by this one:
Understanding our own personalities and others personalities help us to work cooperatively to achieve what we could not do alone. Biblical Examples: Moses and Aaron from the OT and Paul and Barnabas from the NT. The Lord often sends people to us who compliment each others personalities. God uses all personality types to touch people for Him. He must because:
You can connect with people others may not.
You can see the needs that someone else may overlook.
You can feel things that others may not feel.
You can think things, that may not have crossed someone�s mind.
There are 4 Basic Personality Types
Lion/Choleric (D)
These people are very active and task oriented. The extrovert, the doer, the optimist. They make great leaders, organizers, conductors, managers and entrepreneurs. They are often dominating, directing, driving, demanding, determined, decisive, doing. They are the �Let�s do it now,� type of people.
Basic Motivation: Challenge and Control
Traits of a Lion:
They like being in authority
Take charge
Determined
Compulsive need for change
Firm
Exudes confidence
Must correct wrongs
Can run anything
Unemotional
Not easily discouraged
Enterprising
Competitive
Enjoy challenges
Problem Solver
Productive
Bold
Discussion maker
Adventurous
Strong Willed
Independent
Self-reliant
Controlling
Persistent
Action oriented
As a Parent:
Exerts sound leadership
Establishes goals
Motivates family to action
Knows the right answer
Organizes the household
At Work:
Delegates work
Insists on production
Thrives on opposition
Goal oriented and organized
Moves quickly to action
As a Friend:
Has little need for friends
Will lead and organize
Will work for group activity
Is usually right (or just thinks so)
Excels in emergencies
Weaknesses:
Often won�t admit own faults (they would object strongly to this list, for example)
Too pushy, demanding of others
Workaholics, who don�t like to or refuse to come under authority
Tend to think of others as incompetent or idiots
Under pressure, they become dictators
Needs to learn:
You need people. Relaxation is not a crime. Sensitivity to peoples feelings is wise. The world will not end if someone else is in control.
Improvement: Make a decision to be more aware of other peoples feelings and let other people have their way. Be gentle, not bossy. Focus on one thing at a time. Have a servants attitude.
Biblical Examples: Paul and Sarah
Otter/Sanguine (I)
These people are the active and people-oriented. The extrovert, the talker, the optimist. They are great entertainers, designers, artists, inventors, coaches, salesman and teachers. They are social, amiable, creative, innovative and VERY playful. They are inspiring, influencing, inducing, impressing, interactive, interested in people. They are the �Trust me, it will work!� type of people.
Basic Motivation: Recognition and Approval
Traits of an Otter:
Enthusiastic
Takes risks
Visionary
Motivator
Energetic
Very verbal
Life of the party
Curious
Sincere at heart
Good on stage
Lives in the present
Talkative storyteller
Promoter
Friendly
Enjoys popularity
Fun-loving
Likes variety
Spontaneous
Enjoys change
Creative, lots of new ideas
Group oriented
Optimistic
Initiator
Infectious laughter
Inspirational
As a Parent:
Makes home fun
Is liked by child�s friends
Turns disaster into humor
Is the circus master
At Work:
Volunteers for jobs
Has energy and enthusiasm
Inspires others to join
Charming and Creative
Thinks up new activities
As a Friend:
Loves people
Makes new friends easily
Thrives on compliments
Doesn�t hold grudges
Envied by others
Weaknesses:
Often unreliable
Have trouble sticking to a plan of action
Foolish Risk Takers
Procrastinators
Under pressure, they verbally attack
Needs to learn: Time must be managed. Being responsible is more important than being popular. Too much optimism can become dangerous. Listening better will improve one�s influence.
Improvement: Follow through on commitments and obligations with good effort.
(Plan to be responsible tomorrow�is no longer your life motto.) Avoid pride. Learn to think before you speak. Be more patient.
Biblical Example: Peter and Ruth
Golden Retriever/Phlegmatic (S)
These people are usually passive, and people oriented. The introvert, the watcher, the pessimist. They are great caregivers, counselors, assistants, servers, nurses. They are gentle, sensitive, warm, nurturing. They are stable, steady, shy, security-oriented, servant, submissive, specialist. They are the �Lets keep things how they are,� type of people.
Basic Motivation: Stability and Support
Traits of a Golden Retriever:
Sensitive
Calm, even-keel
Non-demanding
Avoids confrontation
Enjoys routine
Dislikes change
Warm and relational
Gives in
Indecisive
Patient, well balanced
Quiet but witty
Keeps emotions hidden
Happily reconciled to life
Dry humor
Adaptable
Sympathetic and Kind
Thoughtful
Nurturing
Patient
Tolerant
Good listener
Peacemaker
Loyal
Emotional, feeling
As a Parent:
Makes a good parent
Takes time for the children
Is not in a hurry
Can take the good with the bad
Doesn�t get upset easily
At Work:
Competent and steady
Peaceful and agreeable
Mediates problems
Good under pressure
Has administrative ability
As a Friend:
Good listener
Easy to get along with
Has compassion and concern
Enjoys watching people
Inoffensive
Weaknesses:
Easily hurt feelings
When hurt, they become stubborn
Can�t say �no�
Carry other peoples burdens too much
Under pressure, they avoid confrontation at all costs.
Needs to learn:
Change provides opportunity. Friendship isn�t everything. Boldness and taking risks is sometimes necessary.
Improvement:
Practice confronting and saying �no�. (You can do it!)
Be more confident and fearless.
Be more enthusiastic, bold, strong.
Biblical Examples: Moses, Hannah, Mary
Beaver/Melancholy (C)
These people are more passive, and task- oriented. The introvert, The thinker, The pessimist. They are into details, quality conscious, steady and predictable. They make great college professors, accountants, computer code writers, researchers, scientists, engineers, plumbers, administrators, and doctors. They are cautious, competent, calculating, compliant, careful, contemplative. They are the �Lets do it right,� type of people.
Basic Motivation: Quality and Correctness
Traits of a Beaver:
Enjoys instruction
Accurate
Consistent
Reserved
Practical
Philosophical and poetic
Appreciative of beauty
Idealistic
Self-Sacrificing
Genius prone
Orderly
Factual
Conscientious
Perfectionist
Discerning
Detailed
Analytical
Inquisitive
Precise
Persistent
Scheduled
Sensitive
Predictable
Productive
Anxious
As a Parent:
Sets high standards
Keeps home in good order
Wants everything done right
Sacrifices own will for others
Encourages scholarship and talent
At work:
Schedule oriented
Perfectionist/high standards
Economical and organized
Sees creative solutions to problems
Likes charts, graphs, figures, lists
As a Friend:
Faithful and devoted
Can solve others problems
Seeks ideal mate
Makes friends cautiously
Avoids causing attention
Weaknesses:
Has trouble with non-rule followers
Has stomach troubles because of anxiety
They think their whole day is ruined if one little thing doesn�t go according to plan.
Relates to situations as � black and white� there are no gray areas.
Under pressure, they ignore or avoid the problem.
Needs to Learn:
Total support is not always possible. Thorough explanation is not everything. Deadlines must be met. More optimism will lead to greater success.
Improvement: Realize nothing is as good or bad as it appears. You don�t have to be right or perfect all the time. (Really, you don�t.) Don�t worry so much, and avoid a critical spirit. Be more positive and joyful.
Biblical Examples: Thomas and Esther
Every personality is a blend of the four basic types. Your strengths and dominant personality traits can be identified. You can then use them more effectively to accomplish the purpose for which you were created. PERSONALITY IS NOT AN EXCUSE FOR BAD BEHAVIOR!
Every personality is equally valuable and useful to God, but He has to continually work in all of us to make us more and more like Jesus. The closer we become to Jesus, the more God can and will use a person.
For me...I've spent more time single than I have in relationships and most of the time, I am pretty content with that. So it doesn't really bother me as much as it might someone else, if men aren't interested in me.
However, rejection from someone I am really interested in, that still hurts, mostly because it is rare for me to be genuinely interested in a man as more than just a friend. So when I finally do find someone I like in that way, and they don't respond the same way...it truly sucks...but that's life.
In general though, I try not to take it personally. It doesn't help anything to beat yourself up over it.
Each woman is different though, so, it really does depend on who you ask.
The reason I ignore messages from men I'm not interested in
Posted : 14 Oct, 2011 10:25 AM
Cuddle...I totally understand what you are saying.
Guys, for women, if you tell a man you aren't interested, (for ANY reason) they will usually assume 1. You are mean, heartless, etc OR 2. You are playing hard to get and keep trying.
So, sending a message works for some, while others it is best to simply not respond at all. PLEASE, don't take it as a personal attack on your masculinity, because it's really not about that. It's about compatibility...and sorry, you aren't going to be compatible with every woman you find physically attractive. Also (in case you don't realize) women DO feel just as much rejection as men do, so, if you feel lead to respond back, please be as tactful as you wish women would be.
However, Cuddle, the guys are right.
"You're not the kind of man I am looking for." (With nothing further to explain why) is automatically translated in guy brain to mean "I'm not good enough. There is something wrong with me. Why did she reject me?" They find this rude and offensive. The bolder ones will respond back negatively and tell you so, while the more sensitive man will just feel crushed, because he put himself out there, risked his ego and contacted you, only to be told he wasn't good enough for you (remember, in guy brain, that IS what you are saying). He will never dare contact you to tell you how it made him feel, but he will also probably hesitate to contact another woman for a while, in fear of getting the same response. He's got to work up the courage again to risk being rejected again.
Not everyone has a thick skin.
Basically, the guys are say that there is a more TACTFUL way to say the same thing, that would result in a lot less backlash from men you are not interested in pursuing something with. If you don't feel you should be more tactful, then it is better not to respond back at all and hurt their feelings even more.
Statie, please, just ignore him. Don't let him goad you into another childish debate.
I will pray for you, Miracle Man, for humbleness, maturity, grace, wisdom and forgiveness. Until you develop a healthy dose of these qualities, please feel free to totally ignore any future posts of mine. Thanks.
I wish I could just delete this discussion completely...oh well. LOL I have better things to do with my time than be a referee.
