Author	Thread: How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date?
jz4jfministries View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 6 Jun, 2012 10:50 AM I've been poundering this question since the start of this year, "How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date?" I ask this because in a guys mind, you hit things off with a girl our mind starts thinking about dating her. Though my heart says just be friends, court her, so that ONE day if we do have a relationship, than that relationship can be stronger. Now I have found myself in this situation, where I have met this great girl a month ago, we hit things off and now I feel that I am in a situation I explained above. We both have an interest in each other. But my intentions are "What do I do, just to be friends with her?" But at the same time, "How do I court her?" My other rational why I asked this question is because I have not had a date in 4 years (since I've been focusing on finishing my education and on minstry in the church & community), so I definitly feel out of sync, but I am learning and reading lot (on focus on the family) already. God Bless thank in advance Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 6 Jun, 2012 03:08 PM Did you meet the girl in person or through a website? This makes a difference on your approach. Post Reply
View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 6 Jun, 2012 03:49 PM If you have formed a relationship online and not met in person you need to meet in person and spend sometime together as friends before you make a decision to date. Often times people online are much different in person. IMO Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 6 Jun, 2012 08:56 PM I agree that how you met this girl makes a huge difference. When two people meet on a dating site, they are pretty obviously looking for someone to date. If you try to get to know her strictly as a friend, she may decide that all you wanted was a friend, and she'll move on emotionally. I know this because I've been in her shoes. If you are interested in getting to know her better so that you can make a decision to date her or not, let her know that's your goal. And then don't drag out the decision. Once you know that you do or don't want to date her, TELL her. She will appreciate your honesty. If you met this girl through friends, church, school, etc., you will have a better chance of getting to know her as a friend before dating her. Attend group events and make sure to talk to her, invite her and some other friends over for a movie night, maybe even ask her if she'd like to get together and do something for fun sometime. Don't put a lot of pressure on her to go places alone with you, but at the same time you should make an obvious effort to get to know HER. I know a guy who wanted to get to know a particular girl at church, and he asked his parents to help him...they began to cultivate a deeper friendship with this girl's parents (as opposed to the casual friendship they'd had previously), and the families began to get to know each other. It was obvious to all involved that there was a reason for this new friendship, but it allowed the guy and girl to spend time together without the pressures of actually "dating" or "courting." They ended up getting married. Post Reply
jz4jfministries View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 7 Jun, 2012 07:16 AM I met her on an online Christian site, but quincidently she lives as far as a 2 minute drive, so we live in the same town. Post Reply
jz4jfministries View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 7 Jun, 2012 07:44 AM I response to this comment... "If you try to get to know her strictly as a friend, she may decide that all you wanted was a friend, and she'll move on emotionally." Even though we are friends, then how do I not get to know her as strictly friends and court her in such away that at some point we move on into a relationship. More info... Even though we met on a christian dating site, we've both told each other were just friends getting to know each other because thats the way to do it. There is interest in each other because we met on a dating site, we did hit things off great, we've met at least half a dozen times last month. So there is also effort coming from both sides to meet up with each other when were available, even though she works full-time and my work is all evening til midnight. Post Reply
View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 8 Jun, 2012 05:03 PM Yay, different person different perspective, me myself will just say what I feel to her and ask what she thinks of it " Hey, I know that we are friends, but I would like to know you better, because you're definitely a lovely person. So, shall we start from a date- or "hangout" and see where it goes? if it works then we go for higher level and if not we are gonna stay as a friend still. What do you think?" Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 11 Jun, 2012 05:26 PM In response to: "how do I not get to know her as strictly friends and court her in such away that at some point we move on into a relationship." I think you are going to have to do what most people would call "casual dating." Get to know her. Take her out. Invite her to join you for mixed group events. Introduce her to your family, and hope that she'll introduce you to hers. Be intentional about really getting to know her. Ask lots of questions, learn what she likes and doesn't like. But don't pressure her for any sort of exclusivity in dating you...not until you are sure you want to "court" her. Don't ask her where she sees the "relationship" going (because, after all, it's only a friendship, right?). Don't introduce her as your girlfriend...just saying "This is so-and-so" when making introductions is totally acceptable. Then, when you are pretty sure that you want to actually court her, move the friendship to the next level. If that involves asking her father (or mother, grandparents, guardian, whoever) for permission, do that. If it simply involves having an honest discussion with her about being exclusive and actually dating seriously, do that. If it means that you ask her if you may officially court her, do that. Maybe it's as simple as telling her that you'd like to spend more time with her, and then start really showing her how you feel (ie. woo her with flowers, candy, compliments, actions, whatever makes her feel especially happy and loved). But I don't think that you can just transition from "friends" to "a couple" without there being some sort of defining moment, however major or minor it may be. Hope this helps! (For the record, I'm in the "friendship stage" with someone right now, and won't assume that he wants to take our friendship to the next level until he makes it clear that he is ready for that. So I sort of know what you are going through...but from the opposite perspective!) Post Reply
View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 12 Jun, 2012 07:03 PM So I know this is "ask a girl", but I would just wanted to recommend some books that have really helped shape my view point on seeking the wife I desire. My experience and and expertise come though tons of books, christian mentors, male and female, and personal experience of being "a really nice guy", "like a brother", and the classic "we're friends let's not ruin it" (most often expressed but not voiced). Truth is a woman, if she's looking and following God, is seeking somebody she can trust with her heart, emotions, and insecurities... and if she just wants to be friends, what has happened is one of those three are missing. Now it doesn't mean you don't have the ability to protect, love, and honor her, she just doesn't see the ability in you. So how do you friend someone you want to date? By becoming a servant, a man of character, and integrity, by guarding her heart with your every action, and if you truly believe she is the one, and you're honor God, read His word, and spend time in worship. God will shine through you. All I know is what I want for wife, and that is someone so on fire for Christ that the only way she'll accept me into the role of her partner is by seeing Christ within me. BOOKS: 13 Resolutions for Life by Orrin Woodward, I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris, Wild at Heart by John Eldridge, Captivating by Staci Eldridge... Trust in the Lord and He will bring you the desires of your heart. Post Reply
jz4jfministries View Profile History	How do you be friends with a girl, you would want to date? Posted : 15 Jun, 2012 12:25 PM thanks for the reply, got the insight I needed... I know that I am 21 and have a lot of learning stll ahead ... it would be nice if I could have an open line to you "bcpianogal," I really like your perpsective for the oppositie gender. I'm sure I have more questions down the road. lol Jeff Zeffer Post Reply