...without reflecting frustration, only raising your concern
Posted : 17 Jan, 2014 07:35 AM
Let's say that you do succeed in finding a partner to a point of committing since that should be the ultimate intention of a productive relationship with two beings who have a vision of where they're going.
2years down the line gender calling gets a little messed up with the male part losing his source of income for whatever reason. Now there's more pressure on the wife as both the helping part and a provider if she's still employed. Keeping in mind she wasn't reserving her income anyway when things were ok financially on the husband's side, she still had input.
The issues arises now when she gets home after a long working day, only to find the house upside down. She's so not bothered by an unemployed partner, that one happens to all of us from time to time. She feels un-appreciated that she has to get home and start over with the home activities when there was someone home all day.
Any tip on how to communicate this without reflecting frustration or coming across as if you're on his case coz he doesn't contribute anymore financially?
...without reflecting frustration, only raising your concern
Posted : 17 Jan, 2014 07:56 AM
Adding on the above question:
(I really feel humbled by this one. Suppose it's because i've tried putting myself on the man's shoes)
How do we (ladies) handle public situations in a sense of being out for breakfast or dinner, now comes the payment part. Do you pay directly from your own wallet publicly or you humbly give the money to him before leaving your home for decency and his dignity in a public place. Fore it surely says a lot seeing a woman paying a man's meal in a restaurant.
Could be on your grosary shopping too. Any public scene that exposes him not being a provider.
How do we go about handling such issues yet still keep our gender part as wives who should be supportive and respecting our husbands?
Thank you for writing back
Fore I really wanna learn how to handle such issues as chosen ones filled with the Holly Spirits wisdom.
...without reflecting frustration, only raising your concern
Posted : 17 Jan, 2014 06:44 PM
Sisygirl my friend.....first and foremost, being in a committed, God sanctioned relationship takes sacrifice and compromise, from both sides!
If after becoming one, our financial situation changes, I would hope and pray that we would immediately bring our circumstance before The Lord.....expecting that when two or three are gathered together in His name, there He is in the midst of them, giving guidance and direction! If in fact my income has to temporarily support us both, I would expect that he'll understand that what's mine is his and what's his is mine(smile)!
We should be able to share, whether it's me picking up the tap for a meal, or if we agreed that I would give him money ahead of our meal out, so that he would be seen paying.....it again should be something WE agree on and no one should be embarrassed or ashamed! We have become one in The Lord, with prayerfully an understanding that we should be there for one another.......in the good and bad times!
That's my take sister girl.........just my personal opinion! God bless.
...without reflecting frustration, only raising your concern
Posted : 17 Jan, 2014 07:07 PM
Why is it, that often times.... I wonder if you've noticed this, if you haven't, its still ok dear. Why when a woman (in most relationships) achieves, its hers. But when a man does, its ours?
What could be influencing this?
Is it culture maybe... Man should provide?
Are we expecting tooooooooo much from them, when they only human beings?
...without reflecting frustration, only raising your concern
Posted : 9 Feb, 2014 10:09 PM
If I were to be in this situation today, I would want an open conversation with my man. I know he would have opinions of his own and I would rather hear it straight from the horse's mouth, rather than me guess and be wrong about how I can treat him respectfully. I would put time and thought into how I could approach him and this potentially delicate subject.
I would ask questions such as: What kind of plans are we going to make? How can we make our current situation work for us until we get onto a better path? How can I financially respect him in public without emasculating him?
I once heard a true story of a woman who made a candel light dinner for her husband with great food, coversation, tact and respect; inspite of their electricity being turned off because they could not pay the last bill due to one spouse loosing their job.
...without reflecting frustration, only raising your concern
Posted : 11 Feb, 2014 02:06 AM
Hello sisygirl,
These situations can be quite tricky even to those who are born again.
Put the financial issue before the Lord for guidance.
Sometimes if you find he doesn't help with the daily chores,pray about it,pray for his heart.Even when you ask,do it with alot of love and understanding.
Let him know that you respect him by all means.
I lived with my ex when he wasn't working and sometimes when we went out I would give him the money we were going to use.
There are no rules on this,it depends on individuals and different relationships.
Do things that make him feel like the man that he is.Remembering that loosing a job can kill one's self esteem,so do things that lift him.
...without reflecting frustration, only raising your concern
Posted : 11 Feb, 2014 09:55 AM
Ladies I really appreciate you sharing your insight on this and yes it really is a tricky situation even when both parties are Christians. These issues are real and can easy cause one to feel frustrated and un-appreciated. Was having this convention with my former work mate whose now on a maternity leave. We were alone in the canteen during lunch time, she commented on my healthy lunch as I opened my lunch box. She further said that she wishes her husband was supportive even in little things as preparing food for her (apparently when pregnant you often won't eat what you've prepared even if you desired that, unless someone prepares on your behalf while you're not around so you won't smell)
Her partner is unemployed which is not a problem. The issue is getting home tired after a long working day only to find the house upside down and still have to cook what you may not eat after. I understood her very well not only because she's a bread winner, I think its would have been responsible and considerate for her partner to be useful since his around.
"Put the financial issue before the Lord for guidance.
Sometimes if you find he doesn't help with the daily chores,pray about it,pray for his heart. Even when you ask,do it with a lot of love and understanding"
Thanks Lukia for the above paragraph. I now feel bad cause prayer wasn't crossing my mind while talking to her. I gave what I thought was a good advise at that time,.... Which would never be 'good' without prayer.
"I once heard a true story of a woman who made a candle light dinner for her husband with great food, conversation, tact and respect; inspite of their electricity being turned off because they could not pay the last bill due to one spouse loosing their job"
That's a great one blb. Making the best out of an un-pleasant situation. That was very thoughtful of the wife. I wrote to you on the question you've asked in how I handled my feelings and emotions on a mans' forum. I wonder if you'll be helped from what I shared.
