Okay Ladies, I'm a gentleman by nature. I see on various discussions here and on CM from some ladies saying they want to be pursued. Now that's fair enough - but when I email someone and they don't respond, do I continue to try? When does the pursuit become "stalking" cause frankly, that's what I feel it becomes pretty quick.
I don't mind a "no thanks." Life goes on. But in one instance, one lady sent me a wink, I emailed back and invited her to participate over here on the forums, and never heard from her again, though she did read the email. I realize it could've just been a scammer, but I don't think so.
Anyway, this whole pursuit thing baffles me a little bit. Some women seem to want to be pursued, others are just flat-out open and honest about whether or not they're interested. I've heard a number of people say that there is something to "Keepin' em guessing", but I'm not so sure about that.
I do not like to be kept guessing and will not do so to another.
I believe that most grown ups would like to know where they stand with someone and do not wish to assume anything. I guess you just contact people until they say no thanks, or they do not write back in a reasonable amount of time.
Ian, I think 'pursuit' is totally different from 'game-playing'. What you described, "Keepin' em guessing", sounds like 'game-playing' to me, and truly, most grown ups should want to know where they stand.
The thing is, its hard to tell if the person is super busy, or doing the "Keepin' em guessing" game. Either ways, I personally consider it more respectable to send a polite reply - however how short. Even a 'sorry I will get back with you later'...
Pursuit though is a good thing. Read Songs of Solomon :-). But I think pursuit starts after a certain investment of interest on both sides.
My advice - contact them once and wait a few days. If they don't respond, contact them one more time just to make sure they know you really are interested and aren't just randomly clicking on people to write to. If they still don't respond, move on.
Ian.. this has been swirling about my thoughts for some time on this site as well. With different backgrounds, some people healing and hurt from a bad relationship, it's difficult to really know or tell if a person is damaged and may perceive something that is gentle, patient, and with loving intentions as quite the opposite, such as stalking.
While many women seem to be generally interested in a man doing the pursuing, there are enough deviants out there to keep people in a constant state of uncertainty about others, or lack of trust. That's one thing I care little for.. to have another try to put me under a microscope in an IM window.
I'd go so far as to reckon that emotionally mature, healthy adults will try to see both sides of a coin when there is any communication and consider what the other might be thinking, feeling, or believing prior to taking any kind of serious interest in them, or approaching them the wrong way with a poor delivery.
For me, I just wink at people because I enjoyed their profile. Not necessarily indicative that I want to get to know them personally, but if I do email anyone it's usually for support rather than romantic interests.
While it may not help me find the one God has crafted specifically for me, this method of allowing any woman to initiate contact first, or show interest first negates any possibility of stalking. I've been stalked by a guy online, it's not fun and it makes you apprehensive about everyone online.
Not all women do that idiotic "keep 'em guessing" bit. I certainly don't- there's a testimonial :) We're all different- remember that. Also, don't feel bad if someone does something nutso and you don't hear from them again... I think that instances like that is where God protects us from people that won't edify us and help us grow as Christians.
