Author	Thread: Military relationships?
DarkMocha View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 11:54 AM I am a Marine. I love my job. I wouldn't exchange it for a civilian 9-5 if you tripled my rate. I get to travel, "play" with the best toys, and have little to no expenses. Thank you Uncle Sam! But this lifestyle does make it hard to have a relationship. I really try too! IM faithful, I dont go to strip clubs with my buddies, and I wouldn't dream of having another woman! And for some reason they just seem to lose interest in a guy they only know through a letter. About halfway through a deployment I get a "Dear John" letter. Yeah, real pick me up, thanks. I guess my question is, Why is this happening? Is it something I'm doing wrong? Am I choosing the wrong person? Or am I just a military fetish to them? FYI; This is NOT a call to women who think men are "sexy" in uniform. (which is undeniably true but beside the point) Post Reply
View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 12:44 PM No, Mocha, you're not doing something wrong, other than so far investing in the wrong women. It is hard to maintain a relationship that was established before military life; I can't imagine trying to start one! But it can be done. My ex-husband is Air Force (this is not why we're divorced), and I know a few guys who met, dated (often long-distance), and eventually married girls they met after joining. Not all did; many relationships didn't last. But some did! I wish I had a better answer for you. But it can be done, finding a wife as an active duty military member. Hang in there. Post Reply
View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 01:49 PM Hi DarkMocha It can work, if you meet the right lady. In time it will happen for you. Sorry it hasn't worked for you so far. But don't let it get you down. When I was 19, I met a wonderful young man in the military, through a good friend. We started writing letters to each other and once in awhile we would talk on the phone. I always knew in my heart that I could trust him and that he could trust me. Well after six months, we got married and I moved to be with him. It was a good marriage for over 20 years, till he passed away. Trust in the Lord to guide you, in everything you do. God bless you and take care..:glow: Post Reply
View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 03:23 PM I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Do you know about the five love languages? One of them is quality time --- where the person gets the most out of the relationship by spending face-to-face time with the other person. Perhaps you have met up with girls who have that as their primary love language? If so, they might have broken it off because they really need that face-to-face time in order to sustain a relationship. Just a suggestion. Don't give up. Keep praying and searching. Post Reply
View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 05:13 PM Women who are interested in having a man in their life probably want him at a manageable closeness. If you have a long time yet with the military, women probably feel discouraged because they want somebody WITH them, a husband to share a home with and (in a lot of cases) have a family with. Having a boyfriend who is gone for months and months, away from you physically all the time would be a lot to ask of a lot of women. If you have a lot of time left with the military, that might turn a lot of women away because they feel they have a deadline to meet, also. Also, some women might think you are in �danger� and be afraid of that kind of heartbreak. Post Reply
View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 05:22 PM Siylii is right - most women would like their man nearby. I will let you know, Mocha, though, that there are odd women who prefer 'breaks' (for lack of a better word) now and then. Who don't do so much togetherness well. It's harder to have extended separation when dating than when in an established relationship/marriage, but sometimes a little time apart is good. When my ex was home for more than about six weeks at a time, one or both of us would start to get antsy. TDYs can be your friend. And for the record, a good friend of mine feels the same way. She'll occasionally ask her husband to take a week or two TDY if he's been home for a few months steady (and hasn't volunteered for one already). And they're still happily married after fourteen years. Post Reply
shepherdess View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 06:41 PM Mocha: May God bless you for your service. To everyone else who already read the following, please forgive me. Mocha, here is the story of my marine: My son was ~just a "kid" at left home to become a Marine. He did well and first in his class a became a sniper. (he was saved at 12yrs btw) When asked how he was really doing during a phone call while still in boot camp, the answer I got was: "Ma...I am the only one of 75 men who doesn't drink and sleep around and now they all know it, how do you THINK I AM?!?! I can laugh now, but I could Feel that kids emotions! And Praise God for his testimony. Anyway, two tours in Iraq. One early visit home was becasue he took gunfire at close range.(he was point man) His men thought he was dead and proceeded to take the enemy and killing the man who shot my son w/ his own knife, they brought the knife back to my son's body. Another testimony as he later told them God must not be done w/ him...only a bullet to the thigh, missing the bone, and losing his thumb! the bullet that knocked him down was stopped by his ammo thing on his jacket (sorry guys, don't know the terms). SOOO, the story goes: Ma, you need to find me a wife when I come home. "ugh, yeah, hon, sure" . I Had been praying, but this was a bit a pressure! I found her at church. She lived in another town, but worked near me, but renting a room for the wk working close and then going home on wkends. I brought her to my farm (he wasn't back yet). Couldn't believe how she just 'fit'. Invited her to 4th of July when he got back. they went out the next night. They actually kinda interrogated each other~down to what kind of pizza they liked, how many kids, etc. etc. They married the following June. They compromised on the pizza ingredients. God answers prayer~and He likes to answer when we are obedient. Post Reply
View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 07:05 PM Thank you DarkMocha for your service. God Bless our military! :glow: God will send you a special lady. Hang in there! Deborah Post Reply
DarkMocha View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 08:45 PM Thank you so much for all of your advice and encouragement! I know that God is my point man and has a plan for me. It's just not very easy being single in the Marine, rather it's not easy not having anything to come home to. I will continue to look for God's will in my life. Even my love life, regardless of my "hazardous occupation". Post Reply
marikashome View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 8 Jan, 2011 09:33 PM I've watched more than one marriage hit hard times when a spouse deployed. The idea of dating or marrying into the military can be a romantic idea-travel, handsome uniforms, heroism, etc... but it takes a level of commitment that isn't always common. The soldiers I've know who've found someone who's committed and understanding have found someone worth every minute of looking, though. Thank you for your service. Post Reply
View Profile History	Military relationships? Posted : 10 Jan, 2011 02:56 AM @Shepherdess: awwww what an awesome love story! :applause: @Mocha: hang in there! Just like what others have stated, God has someone for u :glow: just remember, it all downs to commitment, there are many couples who live near by and they could date everyday, yet their relationships didn't work well. Your career couldn't stop God to join u and your mate as u guys are His beloved ones =) Post Reply