Author	Thread: When to pursue?
Admin	When to pursue? Posted : 24 Jan, 2011 12:41 PM Well, this kinda was a shock to me. Not that I've ever had too much luck with the ladies, but I was about 90% sure of her attraction. This girl and I had been talking through texts (I knew her personally, but not closely). She was flirting through texts, but also when we hung out with a group of friends (Playful hitting, some teasing) My sister agreed that this girl liked me, and was pretty sure. I am quite a shy guy when dealing with a girl I like, and maybe this was my first mistake, but she doesn't seem to be the girl to care about this, but I told her how I felt through text. Nothing serious or overbearing, just that I thought I was liking her a little more than a friend. She said she didnt feel the same way. My mom and my sister (yes I'm a mama's boy) were both shocked, as I let them in on everything and they saw the texts. I also think that maybe I pursued her too fast? But when should the timing be? I didnt know her too closely and perhaps I laid it bare too early. Anyways, the text, the earliness, and maybe she was just a flirty type of girl. Are there girls like that out there? What are your thoughts on these? God bless! Post Reply
View Profile History	When to pursue? Posted : 24 Jan, 2011 02:01 PM My son had that happen to him when he was a teenager. He hung out with a neighbor girl for about 5 years and finally ended up telling her how he felt and she responded with the same thing. He was devastated and stopped hanging around with her completely at the friendly advice of his sisters and me. We felt that she was too friendly as she would sit on his lap, share food with him and acted way too friendly for just liking him as a friend. Many girls are flirty and needy of a male's attention, but do not have dating feelings toward that guy. It is very unfair to him and as a girl, myself, I have to avoid hanging out with guys that are pursuing me for a relationship. I have gone with them a couple of times and realize they are not the "one" so I kindly and truthfully tell them that, and that I cannot keep going to the movies, dinner, museums, art shows etc. with them as it would be cruel. They do not agree and want to keep hanging out but my son, himself, told me from a man's perspective that I should not do it. They will develop stronger and stronger feelings and then it is really hurtful to break the ties. I have known and hung out with one guy, we are good Christian friends, who wants to take my flying in his plane and out to dinner etc. I straight up asked him how he felt and he straight up told me he has knows we are not compatible, and just wants my companionship. He knows I not interested in a relationship. But, we are older and I'm not sure about the younger crowd nor will I hang out with him, often. Anyway, sorry about your pain. God's got you, though. :purpleangel: Post Reply
myhopeisgod08 View Profile History	When to pursue? Posted : 24 Jan, 2011 04:23 PM I agree with joeysings.. Some women are looking to fill a void in this area of their lives and will be flirtatious for the attention, affirmation that they desire. I am also with joey in that I am careful not to lead anyone on in that aspect. Sorry your heart was bruised. It is not a reflection on you though. Hang in there. Post Reply
View Profile History	When to pursue? Posted : 24 Jan, 2011 04:49 PM I don't think you did anything wrong but telling her how you felt and, in fact, it is good you did, so you know where you stand now with her. Yes, there are girls that like to flirt like that. I'm sorry this happened to you. Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	When to pursue? Posted : 24 Jan, 2011 04:58 PM I pretty much agree with Joey. Girls do flirt with guys to get attention, but have no intentions of actually dating those guys. I have always tried to avoid giving guys the wrong impression (not hard, since I'm missing the "flirt gene"), but some guys have flirted with me and given ME the wrong impression. It's not fun to think "Oh, he must be interested in me!" and then have all your hopes come crashing down. Believe me, it's happened more than once to me. But in spite of the fact that I think you probably did nothing wrong, per se, I'm going to play the devil's advocate here and throw this idea out for you to think about. Perhaps it was the admission of feelings through a text message. I don't text a lot, but it seems pretty impersonal, even when I'm texting with a close friend. If this girl didn't know you all that well, and was just a naturally too-friendly and unthinkingly flirty girl, it might have totally caught her off guard and she may have responded more harshly and negatively than she would have if you'd gone about it a more "old fashioned" way. Not that it would have changed her answer, but perhaps you would feel less rejected. Post Reply
View Profile History	When to pursue? Posted : 24 Jan, 2011 08:20 PM I would like to thank everyone for their answers! It means alot to me that you would read my problem and give your insight! Thank you so much! Pianogal, I have considered that as well with the texting. I do agree that I dont know if it would have changed her answer. Perhaps since she's extraverted she wouldnt really get my over text. But I do think it could have played a part. Let me thank everyone again! Thank you ladies so much for your answers! I know God has a plan for me, and I won't give up on searching for the right girl! God bless you all! Post Reply
View Profile History	When to pursue? Posted : 25 Jan, 2011 01:40 PM good advice by the sisters, Boxer .. flirts on both sides of the coin of humanity do not mean feelings. You had them, she didn't. One of the saddest things in life is to show an unrequited love or even positive regard after holding out a flame for a while. You sound like a great guy, brother. I know it's hard to strike up another path of casual yet probing inquiry with a lady, but don't give up. Never give up! Keep going on! There's someone for everyone, I believe .. it all depends on what we do when we meet them. Keep true to your feelings and guard your heart, but don't be afraid to hold it out when necessary. Post Reply
View Profile History	When to pursue? Posted : 25 Jan, 2011 07:55 PM Thank you very much Preacher83! That was encouraging! God bless! Post Reply