Author	Thread: Personality and Online Conversation
Abasai View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 1 Nov, 2013 05:26 PM Recently, I tried to start a conversation with someone who had a one sentence profile. I did so because she was attractive, and you never know what is behind the shopping like facade of a profile. The conversation was brutal; it existed of introductory questions on my part and one word/very limited answers in response. After 3 emails I had enough, But she finally asked the following question: "What are you like?"... I answered "A personality" To which she responded: "What do you mean?" Here is my response: I hope this gives some you an insight into what some guys think. When I take time to write an email, I give enough information to build an initial conversation upon and respond with some talking points. You know: point, counterpoint. It is how I can tell if a whether their personality is that of a friend or an acquaintance. You ask a question; I give an answer with a bit more, so you have something to ask about then I ask you a question about something you said. On goes the cycle etc... But for some reason Christian girls lose all personality around guys. They clam up and answer questions with one word or real minimal answers. When a girl does that it tells me 3 things: 1. She has unrealistic expectations - that I will never be able to meet. For example: - A list of requirements, (5'11, ripped abs, always caring, smells nice, always says the right thing, no issues, etc... ) -That the guy wants a long term relationship - because he said hello. - She's better than X or online dating: all the online guys just want is sex, they are porn addicts, and objectify women - how do you know? because they are online. 2. She's either insecure or uninterested and is letting you know through her actions - either way, I've lost interest. 3. She want's the guy to invent who she is.....Here is an example conversation (oddly reminiscent of the one we were having....) "Q. Do you like TV" "A: I don't watch TV" "Q: OK....Do you like Music?" "A: What do you mean?: "Q: Well Do you like Bands, or singers...like Michael Buble...?" "A: Yes, Yes, I like that..." When I get that type of response, I lose all interest even in a friendship. Because I know that there will never be a friendship there. (see above for 3 reasons why) I don't want to fight an uphill battle from the get go - I have other things going in my life, and the last thing I need is undue drama. A girl can get on board this plane and we can have fun, or they can wait for the next plane, either way I'm not waiting in the airport for them to figure themselves out - they had all the time before I showed up to do it on their own. Let's face it. When people try to communicate through a medium like the internet - they just want to know - is the other person cool? Would we enjoy a phone conversation? So to answer your question. I am looking for personality. Someone who responds, has their own thoughts, and has realistic expectations. I hope that helps. Abasai Post Reply
Abasai View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 1 Nov, 2013 05:29 PM Her initial question was: What do you like? Not "What are you like?" My bad - I don't know how to go back and edit this post Post Reply
Hisjoymypeace View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 1 Nov, 2013 07:48 PM Well Abasai.....I can almost sense your underlying frustration when just simply trying to communicate "personality" within this forum(smile)! It's almost next to impossible, but not unobtainable.....well I want to believe that anyway(smile)lol!!! Personally I've come to a place where no matter what type of response I give or get here, I've resolved to be as optimistic as possible.......as transparent as I can(without saying more than necessary).....praying for the best and truly wanting never,never to expect the worst(smile)! That formula has really help me survive this rather complicated process we've all bought into called "online dating"! I hope this helps and may God truly give you the desires of your heart. Be blessed! Post Reply
View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 1 Nov, 2013 11:45 PM I now just keep in mind as I'm going along that a short profile is an indication of their interest and attitude towards meeting some one online. It's not the whole picture, but, again, it's a pretty good amount of it just right there and use it to keep my expectations realistic and even think twice about writing unless I know for sure that I don't care if they don't write back or they do but the conversation just dies. I've been surprised before though. I should actually be going on a date tomorrow with some one who had a 1-2 sentence profile. I say should because another thing I've learned about dates is "Don't believe it till you see it." Post Reply
Hisjoymypeace View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 2 Nov, 2013 04:42 AM Well you go R8E8(smile)lol!! I'm happy for you, yet I know you'll be able to exhale after this first date! I know you'll be cool and suave, but still the wonderful God fearing, young man I've got to know a little about! God bless and enjoy.....and you know what, go expecting the best.....you never know what The Lord will be doing in your midst! Post Reply
View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 2 Nov, 2013 03:32 PM Thanks Hisjoymypeace, that's kind of you to say. I'll be sure to do all those things. :) Post Reply
View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 2 Nov, 2013 08:29 PM This is a really nice topic. I wanted to post a point too, I understand the whole story but somehow I cant get past this: 1. She has unrealistic expectations - that I will never be able to meet. For example: - A list of requirements, (5'11, ripped abs, always caring, smells nice, always says the right thing, no issues, etc... ) Smells nice... Is it hard for guys to smell nice? ;) Post Reply
View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 3 Nov, 2013 09:58 PM Actually the only real way I've learned to cope with this is the philosophy that pain feels good. For me, I hate getting rejected with a passion. So if I hate it so much and it happens so often, then why do I keep doing it? Because 1) if I don't reach out nothing is going to happen and 2) I've learned to use that pain to my advantage by managing it rather than trying to avoid or numb it. I manage it by acknowledging that at least it makes me feel something and I use those feelings to motivate me to take action to be a better person. It's pretty effective I think. Sometimes I even try to get rejected just so I'll have that much more aggression for whatever it is I'm about to do like run or write. Also, the date got postponed. I told you, don't believe it till you see it. Post Reply
sisygirl View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 4 Nov, 2013 12:42 AM Was her reason valid for postponing? Post Reply
View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 4 Nov, 2013 08:28 AM Yeah it seemed pretty valid. She wanted to go but couldn't get off work on time. Even when no ones to blame though that's still how things seem to go more often than not. I'm just saying that it is what it is. Don't believe it till you see it. Post Reply
Apostelle View Profile History	Personality and Online Conversation Posted : 4 Nov, 2013 11:14 AM "This is a really nice topic. I wanted to post a point too, I understand the whole story but somehow I cant get past this: 1. She has unrealistic expectations - that I will never be able to meet. For example: - A list of requirements, (5'11, ripped abs, always caring, smells nice, always says the right thing, no issues, etc... ) Smells nice... Is it hard for guys to smell nice? ;)" For some men? Yes. My brother is very hairy. He also has a very physical job. After working 8-10 hours, by the time he gets home, he stinks and has to bathe immediately. Fortunately, for him. He married when he was 17 years old. In January, 2014, he and his wife will celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary. Post Reply

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