Author	Thread: Do you ask?
Admin	Do you ask? Posted : 26 Feb, 2010 08:02 PM When communicating with someone of the opposite sex and you see from their profile that they are divorced, do you ask why their divorced? Are you interested in their past relationships and why they didnt work out? I am uncomfortable knowing about things like that and feel it's not my business and honestly I just dont want to know. I have been asked a couple of times and simply said "It didnt work out" that's all. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 26 Feb, 2010 08:17 PM dear river, i wouldnt mind hearin bout it one time.. to get a better feel for them and what may not work with them ya know.. but once would be a plenty hehe.. i really wouldnt care to hear about it any more than once.. ole cattle Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 28 Feb, 2010 03:16 PM river how do you know if the person is at fault oor the other one is, maybe both parties?what if it happened before they were saved? After they were saved? Some reasons are alarms to stay way. Are they a stalker? Did they get stalked? was the ex a crazy baffon? I said in the past why my ex left me. No job, no money, No wife she said. I had just got layed off too. Dennis Post Reply
bcpianogal View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 28 Feb, 2010 07:55 PM Dennis has a good point. Some things need to be known. I am pretty sure that I would ask for that info if it was not volunteered. And I don't think I would be offended if I were divorced and someone wanted to ask me about it...it just seems safe and logical to me. Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 1 Mar, 2010 02:18 PM hmmm... divorce is a sensitive subject. I can usually discern the situation and as far as fault, it takes 2. I am more concerned with how long ago the divorce took place. What stage they are in regarding the healing/forgivensss process. Maybe that's weird, I dunno... I have been divorced almost 8 years and up until about a year and a half ago, I thought it was his fault. I know that we were both the cause now and I take responsilbility, I apologized to him. (at God's direction) but the circumstances do not disqualify us from a happy marriage one day, condemnation and judgment do. I do not want to lay that on someone else, that's why I dont ask. My bigger question to them would be are you whole? Have you forgiven? (yourself/or other)Has God said that your ready for a new relationship? I hope I explained it right...does that make sense? blessings, Riveroflife Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 1 Mar, 2010 02:36 PM That makes total sence River. It always takes two to make it or break it. So since no one is perfect and divorce does happen...I agree with asking..How long have you been divorced and have you work through the issues that follow a divorce. I dont need to know all details...jus enough to understand the person. There is always 3 side to every situation. Yours, Thiers and the Truth. Ifa a potential cant be honest bout the Divorce or possible Unresolved Issues then why would they be honest ina new relationship... Soooo...Yup !...I ask an will tell if they want ta know...I aint got nothin ta hide...xo Post Reply
GraceMae View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 1 Mar, 2010 07:23 PM I think it would be appropriate to ask as the friendship develops and it seems comfortable to do so, however I wouldn't want to talk about it too much after that. Some baggage needs to stay in the past, unless it hinders the relationship of us in some way. As most of you said, it helps better understand a person sometimes, how they feel, even their expectations or lack of expectations, in the new relationship with you. I don't mind being asked, but again, I think the relationship should be somewhat past the friendship stage to elaborate in real depth. You all gave some real reasonable and logical responses. Thanks for the post river. ~GraceMae Post Reply
View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 2 Mar, 2010 06:27 PM Oh, I always ask. Not right away, but once I start getting to know someone I do. It is very revealing what they say..... and how they say it. That is the reason I ask. Are they able to articulate why they got divorced? That is a sign the person has given it thought and prayer and has come out the other side and can look back on it. If they can't give me an answer, or ramble, or accuse..... that tells me the person is not healed and/or has not prayed enough about it to be in another relationship. It does not bother me to be asked. I think it is a normal part of the relationship process. Everyone has to find their own time and way to talk about it to the other person. Post Reply
IamIsabel View Profile History	Do you ask? Posted : 13 Mar, 2010 06:47 PM I don't like to talk about past relationships. It's boring and could even be sad. Who wants to dampen a date with boring and sad? I think that when two people get close, maybe exclusive, then they can talk about it. It's good to find out what they did right and wrong in the relationship and if anything was learned about it. Post Reply