(I came across this and I thought it worthy of sharing with you.)
Understandably, no person or marriage is perfect, and some marriages fail and must end for obvious and necessary reasons; however, the overwhelming majority of marriages (and families for that matter) could be saved if both partners put forth more effort to implement these few foundations . The Husband also need be accountable in the Leadership capacity which has seemingly almost died off forcing women to take on this role.
1) Absolutely No Pornography: This must be at the top of the list because it is unquestionably the leading contributor to unhappy and unsuccessful marriages in our current day. While women can (and increasingly are) victims as well, the majority of perpetrators are of course men. Commit now to never look or get involved. Realize that each of us are daily tempted (commercials, TV shows, advertisements, websites, etc) � so develop the habit today to just �turn away immediately.� If already addicted, get help now! Looking at this filth will lead to impure thoughts, which lead to actions, which lead to habits, which result in marriages failing and families being torn apart.
2) Date Nights: Men, when was the last time you took your wife out on a date? Do you make time and actually schedule in regular date nights? And perhaps more importantly, while on a date, do you participate in entertainment that contributes to building and strengthening your relationship, or entertainment that promotes infidelity, selfishness, and lust? Make time for each other � just be together, talk, listen, laugh, express affection and appreciation, and do it consistently.
3) Enjoy & Make the Most of Today: We need to stop waiting for future events to come and heal our present day problems; for when those events come, they become the present problems, and we go on waiting for future remedies. Are you waiting for that next pay raise, promotion, or bigger house to actually be happy? Never fall victim to the false securities of materialism. None of those things will lead to a happy and successful marriage. Enjoy now, and make time now to share and spend time with your wife and don't wait for the perfect time because it's now.
4) Financial Trust, Openness, and Honesty: We each have heard many times that finances are one of the leading causes of divorce today. While that is true, the reality is that the finances are not the problem � it is selfishness, integrity, and lack of communication that is the problem. Every couple needs to budget, be extremely open with and communicate about finances, and be honest with each other. More importantly however, couples need to live within their means and rid from their minds the cultural pressure of �keeping up with the Jones.� Women would do well to decipher between �wants� and �needs,� and focus less on how much her man makes and more on how well he manages that money. Men would do well to be equal and open with their partner about their finances, and live and teach his family more about saving and how it is actually good to occasionally go without. Oh and how about stop wanting more toys and the wife gets maybe a pair of shoes....
5) Men � You Can Do More: Every man reading this should ask themselves these questions: when was the last time I helped with the dishes, the laundry, or the house cleaning? Are changing diapers, giving the kids a bath, and cooking meals a woman�s responsibility? And - is my responsibility around the house limited to only yard work? Let me be clear in suggesting to (and telling) men that if they want a happy and successful marriage, they had better help more with the dishes, house cleaning, changing diapers, reading stories at bedtime, and cooking a meal for their wife � all this in addition to the yard work responsibilities.
6) We are Different: It is a common story to hear how happy and compatible a couple was during courtship, and yet not too long after the wedding it seems that there were characteristics, habits, and weaknesses that somehow were not revealed during the time they were dating. For every couple that has ever been married � we collectively say: �Welcome to Marriage.� The greatest challenge in any marriage is not in finding the right person, but in becoming the right person. We each need to spend less time trying to change our partner into who we want or expect them to be and more time appreciating their differences and strengths, helping them with their weaknesses, and realizing that the person looking at you in the mirror is probably very selfish and even to the point of never giving the wife a compliment. Look for and dwell on the good � and remember it was Benjamin Franklin who said: �Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.�
7) Love is an Action: Love may start as a thought, an attraction, kind words, and romantic feelings � but true love and lasting love requires effort, patience, understanding, unselfishness, and daily action. In fact, there are few people that can justifiably say that they �fell out of love� because the majority of people who �fall out of love� actually failed to continue to put forth effort, and focused more on their own needs rather than the best interest of their spouse and children. Marriage requires us to fall in love many times � with the same person! And never forget the wisdom expressed in this quote: �newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reason that families work.�
8) Hold Your Tongue � Kindness in Word: Speak kind words. Compliment more. Uplift always. Thank daily. And learn to hold your tongue. There should never be any verbal abuse in any marriage (or emotional and physical abuse as well, of course). Men � you must treat, think of, and speak to your partner as an equal. And, if either one of you ever become frustrated, irritated, or angry � learn to allow TIME to be a friend by �cooling off� and reacting maturely, kindly, and appropriately after you have regained composure and can act/speak kindly.This is your wife and she deserves the best love and kindness we can find in us.
9) Commitment in Thoughts & Action: It is not enough to be committed and true to your spouse in word and deed only. Much more difficult and important it is to be committed and true in thought! Impure thoughts lead to impure actions, which all too often unfortunately result in fornication and yet another marriage and family being torn apart. Keep your thoughts clean and true to your spouse. Ensure all your conversations and actions foster love and trust for the one you love and need to be committed to. In addition, both partners need also to do their part to stay attractive to each other (trying to impress and look good for your partner shouldn�t stop after you say �I Do�). The reward for commitment is not self-denial, but true happiness. Contrastingly, covetousness results in guilt, misery, mental anguish, family destruction, marital unhappiness, and often financial ruin.
10) You Must Have God in Your Relationship: I certainly recognize and respect the fact that not everyone reading this shares the same beliefs that I do but seriously Men need to take control as leaders of the family whether there are children involved or not. Those that know not can find in Gods word and Prayers, we need to start now today.
Successful and happy marriages require sacrifice, effort, and patience. Love is an action, not simply a feeling! And yet, despite the work and change required, marriage can also produce the greatest joy, satisfaction, and accomplishment life has to offer.
This is not Posted to make men angry but to understand we have failed and must do more and better or we will fail again .
This same worn out argument echos in marriage councilor sessions. She says her husband is not a good enough leader and he says his wife is not submissive enough. This dialog continues brings only discord.
A little humor can help like a medicine.
#1. Porn;
Few would be naive enough to argue porn is a good thing. But men who conquer do become stronger. For it is men who are targeted not women. I have never heard of female porn addicts. Men need to be strong overcomes while women are seemingly not required to fight this battle. I'm not sure what would be the equivalent covetousness for women. Maybe it is SHOPPING or desiring that which you cannot lawfully have.
#2. Date night;
You really need to be careful with this one. After all the woman wanted to go out to eat and Adam accompanied her to the wrong place. The woman will take the lead sometimes but in her first attempt Eve's date night was a bad choice.
#3. Make the Most of Today;
Here again the woman has failed miserably. Men want sex. Too many wives fail to make the most of it. Men are great leaders in this respect. Make love a verb.
#4.Financial Trust, Openness, and Honesty;
Biblical wives were the property of the husband and subject to the law of the husband, (Rom 7:2). The Proverbs 31 woman provides respect for her husband but the
Isaiah 4:1 woman is even better.
#5. Men � You Can Do More;
This is the mantra of a nagging woman. Help with dishes, do the laundry, when the man wants to quietly relax at home the woman thinks now I got him. and thinks marriage means that he has to do what ever she says. And this is a common misconception that Husbands are the head of the house. It is the woman who identifies with the home and feels it is part of her self image.
#6. We are Different;
The golden rule goes by the wayside on this one. No man wants to be treated like a woman. So if the wife treats her husband like SHE would like to be treated it can backfire. Likewise a wife does not want to be treated just like one of the guys.
#7. Love is an Action;
it goes a little too far to say male leadership has failed in this area. Men are generally all over making love a verb. Women want to talk it to death.
#8. Hold Your Tongue;
Are you kidding? women talk 50% more than men on any given day. If any can control the tongue they can control the whole body (James 3:6). If men fail here it is because they talk too little. But that is how there brain works.
#9. Commitment in Thoughts & Action;
Commitment is a great buzz word for a husband and/ or male bashing in general. You wonder why any man in his right mind would want to get married. Maybe he needs to be committed to an institution. Oh yeah that's the same as committed in marriage. The disciples said as much, �If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.�(Matt 19:10).
#10. You Must Have God in Your Relationship;
Really, this sounds good but Adam had a relationship with God. He walked with Him in the cool of the day. Was it not good enough. God said it needs to be made good for the man to work the garden. What can a woman give the man, companionship, respect, help. Leadership is not a spiritual gift every man automatically receives. If a woman receives a spiritual gifting of leadership, how wrong is it to judge the man because he is not exactly like her. Or does the wife really want to create the man in her image? Hmm!
It is unwise to play the blame game here. Both are at fault, most of the time.
Before you point a finger, how many point back?????
My wife when she left told me I did nothing wrong!!!!
Those are her words!!!!!
Her son's girl friend plotted against our marriage like she did her parents.All is forgiven and part of the past. I failed to see it coming which is my fault.I had the ability to say no in the beginning and missed my chance. That is my fault. My x wife wanted money.I did not have lots of it. it was a 2 person failure. Dennis
Yes the blame game is an easy trap to fall into. Kick it up a notch to the blame and shame game and you get psychological and emotional abuse. When parents say "shame on you" or a husband & wife begin to tear each other down in this way it will take way more time to heal.
God never uses this method. But if you want to say "Male Leadership Has Failed," you have to also admit the female failure as well. The failure of a wife to be a "Help compatible to him" (Genesis 2:20), leaves the Man alone again and that is not good.
If men are the "leaders" then failure is by definition their FAULT
If it is a co-equal partnership then "blame" can be "equally" shared
Is that just too simple or did I miss something? I got told for years that my marriage would be fixed if I would just submit. Yet how can a subordinate "fix" the problem? (Not complaining about my situation, just saying I never could understand the logic)
Your response maybe right. If Christ as the husband is head of the church (His Bride) Then He is held responsible when we fail. And we all fail sometime. Is it God's fault we fail? This would be the fault finding,who's to blame attitude.
But, One thing for sure, it is only by God's power we can succeed. To rely on our own strength to succeed results in a snare (sin) of Pride. The husband wife / Christ and Church analogy raises a question.Does the husband become a savior of the wife? (Ephesians 5:23), "husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body." Is the husband meant to be a mini savior of the wife's body?
My own opinion, is that there is only one name by which we are to be saved. And no matter how much a husband may think has a special priesthood ministry over the wife, he is not God. But the wife is told to treat him as Lord. :boxing:
It takes two�. Two believers who stand on the word of God. How can a man be a Godly husband and leader of the home if he doesn�t know enough about the Word of God, believe, receive and stand on it to be that? How can a woman submit to her Godly husband if she doesn�t know and receive and stand on the Word of God to be that? The foundation of what we believe as men and women of God has everything to do with the success of a Godly marriage. It really is that simple. It is not about being perfect, but being perfect in one another in Christ. If a man doesn�t have the foundation he needs to lead us women, then we women (those not strong to know for ourselves what we�re really looking at in a man and/or our own foundation isn�t strong) will just take the reign and lead him!
I don�t think male leadership has failed. I think a true Godly man has a discerning spirit, and for the one who has a Godly woman by his side, performs the task as a male leader in his home very well, and God is glorified. For him, his wife is more than happy to submit because she knows she has a man that loves God, and will abide by His word, and love her that much more because of it.
Women have for the longest time been relegated to being nothing short of simple "property".
Even cattle was considered more important than a woman.
Through out the years they have slowly progressed to where they are now considered equals and their voices are now heard and they have been empowered and are a force to be taken seriously.
We men have not handled this "equal" partner very well. Where in the past women suffered silently...today they stand and shout their disapproval.
It is our "wake up call"! Yes, we have Failed and we have failed miserably!
But, it is also an opportunity to become stronger...if we are willing to learn from our mistakes. If we are willing to admit that we need help. If we are willing to Submit to Our GOD!
We can no longer hide behind the curtain and Fool everyone with our tricks and sleight of hand.
We need to take our proper place at the Head of our Families...with our Wives at our sides and God in our Hearts. And we need to do this now-- for time grows short and our country and fellow Christians need us.
Mistakes uncorrected weaken our Foundation! Mistakes acknowledged and corrected Strengthen not only our Foundation but also the very Walls that Protect us from making future mistakes.
I say "Men...let us Lead. Let us Lead by Example. Let us Lead from the Front...with our Eyes on Him!"
I really relate with Gracemae & Arch�s replys here�
Its a Sad title...Male Leadership Has Failed...an one that sends a Slap in the Face to All Men...Christain or Not...
In the beginin in the Garden of Eden...Man was given Women as a Helpmeet, Companion, Wife etc...She was Tempted an Deceived by Satan...Where was Adam ?...He was off somewhere else an left Her alone...Unprotected an Vulnerable...Adam was given All that GOD created includein Women...ta care for...nurture ...protect ...Sooo that is the beginin of end ( Relationship) so ta speak...betwix GOD, Adam/Man & Eve/Women an We be blamein each other an pointin fingers at each other ever since...thats jus really Sad...like...( Battle of the Sex's )...no pun intended...
Sooo then along comes Womens Liberation...cuz...dont ya know some women think we can do a better Job an We want equal pay fer equal work...which was a good idea�IMO...it jus back fired�Sooo in doin this, women Upset the Scale of Balance an started wearin the Pants in the Family...Sooo now some Men want the Leadership Role but dont have the Pants ta wear cuz the Women is wearin em an added Suspenders to cuz She be wantin ta look purty fer a Man...:laugh:
I guess what Ima tryin ta say hear...is it goes both ways...We as Humans have failed miserably...
BUT...We ( Men & Women ) can move forward an Restore the Balance as long as we All Return ta Eden an start a Fresh...each day...with GOD bein the Focus...
Jesus never said it would easy...He jus said it would be worth it...xo
