Author	Thread: Can we really still be friends?
Admin	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 10 Feb, 2012 09:27 AM Hey guys a little help? I met this guy, we became friends and when he went back home to his country (really far away) we emailed each other for a while. It started out mostly innocent, I thought he was handsome yes but as far as being attracted to him it was the furthest thing from my mind. Anyway we started going through different things and it brought us closer together. Any way some months after the emails started to change between us and it was starting to be colored by feelings. Then one night he told me he loved me, not sure how to react I said nothing, he chuckled and said "I know you don't throw that word out until you really mean it." he brushed it aside and the awkward moment passed. It's not that I didn't love him it's just that I had not come to the realization yet but when I did I told him. He was so happy he couldn't wait to come see me again. He even wanted to come live here instead of taking a year off to travel and do missions work. I told him the Lord comes first. So off he went, we emailed mostly because talking on the phone was almost impossible. Within three months of his departure the emails came in rapid succession then trickled down to nothing, I began to be worried I know he had gotten a bit sick on one of his trips. Then some days after his birthday he messaged me telling me some things had changed and he needed time to sort through things. Then in January he confesses and tells me that he met a Pastor's daughter on one of his trips, they began seeing each other. I was shocked and heartbroken. He stopped writing then. It was in July I decided to torture myself and google his name, He married her just before my bday :(, I sent him a message telling him congratulations. His response was to tell me he is very happy and she's so beautiful and please don't let what he did to me change my perception of men (really?). This hurt me really badly but a couple years later he contacts me on facebook and asks to be friends... why would a guy do that? I accepted him (yes foolish woman) but I had forgiven him as we had a great friendship foundation before. So on birthdays, holidays, his kids birthdays or their anniversary I send a message with a prayer attached and he never responds. I gave up on that and he sends me another message! I'm wondering can two people who have a history together still be friends? I have the utmost respect for his wife and their marriage, but why do you want to be friends and then ignore me. (I stopped contacting him) Guys let me into your minds lol Post Reply
hubbarddebra99 View Profile History	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 10 Feb, 2012 01:53 PM men can be dirt baby girl! Not all men, but there are some dirty ones out there. there are some good ones too. Now, forget him, don't message him anymore, and find some good ones!:waving: Post Reply
One_Sojourner View Profile History	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 10 Feb, 2012 02:39 PM My mind is scary place to be in Miss Kjd :ribbit: but if I may offer an opinion, I'd say you made a good choice in ending the contact with him... Whipping a dead horse won't make that horse git up and go, so better to let that horse lie, put it to rest, let go and move on. Also I don't see where you were foolish in any way, if anything you show good character and value your friendships. Those times when he enters your thoughts maybe it's good just pray God bless him in his life. I've had communication cut before with some people met through this site, some by their choice and other times mine for various reasons... it hurts a bunch both ways, even so for the ones I had never met them in person. It is easily said that "love knows no boundaries" but that person has likely never tried to grow and maintain a long distance relationship by internet communication. well we got off the topic there didn't I? lol Funny, paths cross, people come and go into our lives and then out.... I believe there is a reason but more times than not I cannot figure out why, only trusting God knows and it happens for his purpose working in our lives... Post Reply
View Profile History	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 10 Feb, 2012 03:10 PM Just tell him the truth: because of your past feelings for each other you'd prefer not to complicate things for yourself or him and his new wife. Simple, to the point and diplomatic. Post Reply
View Profile History	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 10 Feb, 2012 04:40 PM It kinda hurt for a while but I'm glad I'm over it but though I loved him and he hurt me I was willing to let bygones be bygones but he contacted me and then stopped communicating so not worth my time or heart ache lol Post Reply
View Profile History	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 11 Feb, 2012 09:30 AM Most Men want a woman they can date or court for marriage. Women are emotional, Men are Physical. Writing letter and phones calls do not do it. Not much of a relationship in online or letter communications. :angel: Post Reply
View Profile History	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 11 Feb, 2012 07:52 PM Not many people can forgive someone else for doing something like that to them. I applaud you for making an effort, but if you do still feel hurt, then by all means, give it to God, and tell him, "Sorry, but no." Took me a long time to forgive my ex-fiancee for cheating on me during the engagement, but she owned up to it. Fast forward almost 2.5 years and we talk now, rarely but we do. Not many people can do that. Post Reply
View Profile History	Can we really still be friends? Posted : 11 Feb, 2012 10:09 PM In this situation, I would warn that it is unlikely. Possible, but unlikely. From all the details we have from you he demonstrated a real lack of caring and understanding. Distancing yourself from him would be a healthy choice. It has nothing to do with forgiveness, and everything to do with protecting your feelings. There are things called "toxic" relationships. These are relationships that being involved in can damage your own well-being, and from what you're telling us this just isn't healthy for you. The circumstances of a separation or finale to a relationship really are a huge deciding factor. My first girlfriend and I split due to some serious conflicts in our beliefs (she was strictly legalistic and I was the complete opposite). In spite of a rather rocky separation, we remained friends. Now, years later, she's happily married and has a son. At times it is difficult for me to read some of her Facebook status updates, but she is still a very cherished friend and I as well to her (even if we rarely talk directly). On the flip side, one of my girlfriends (I've only had 3), I would never talk to again. She was manipulative, abusive, and altogether destructive. I forgive her. Heck, I still very much love her...but at the same time I know that being in contact with her in any form of a relationship is dangerous and damaging to me. I don't know all of the details of your relationship, but I think that it would be safe to let him go... shut him out and don't look back. Its hard, but it may be for the best. As to your question, yes, it is possible, but it is strongly dependent on a whole host of factors. In my experiences, its usually doesn't end well. But it can. Post Reply