If a guy was brought up in a good Christain home and has a beautiful Chritian girl for his best friend. why would he want to wait untill after college to start dating?
There could be many reasons, but hopefully it is the honorable one. That he would feel as if he has something more to offer a bride after being trained to support her. We men like to feel that we are being honorable and placing someone else before self. It makes us feel more like a man. At least that is how I feel.
I agree that there could be many reasons. And many that are honorable. Marriage brings quite a commitment-children, supporting a family, protecting the family, loving your wife and living with her in an understanding way, teaching your children, etc. Now, you brought up dating, but what is dating? If this young man was brought up in a good Christian home, he must understand that dating is NOT for sensuality (making out, petting, "fooling around") or sexuality. Dating is not even for romance, because most (if not all) romantic inclinations are much better suited for marriage where they can have their proper, unbridled fulfillment. So what is dating for? Dating, if you take out what should not be there, would theoretically be for seeing if one wants to marry the other. This is why many Christians prefer to term this process "courtship", because the word "dating" seems to carry with it such a strong connotation of romance and sensuality and emotionalism, none of which are best placed anywhere before the marriage covenant. With this godly young man, he has a gorgeous girl in his life who is also his best friend-through this relationship (being best friends), there is nothing that "dating" would add to let him know her better in a way that is appropriate. If she is a godly girl and his best friend, and beautiful to boot, he already KNOWS they are very compatible, since "best friends" is simply the same relationship as marriage except in marriage it is magnified by being one flesh. So I don't really see the attraction he would have to dating her unless he can marry her soon afterwards, such as dating briefly, getting engaged, and being married. But he may have other things on his mind-concentrating on school, becoming a responsible man, etc. And if it is true that he would have to "date" her for four years before getting married, I would not recommend he date her, either. Wait until it can be a short period of time so that temptation does not set in.
If I were advising him, I would want to know if he is burning with passion in his life. If not, if he prefers to wait longer to be married, then he can wait longer to date-there is no problem with that. But if he is like most men, I would encourage him to pursue this girl now, and get married while still in college. This really is a question of where his heart is, in a lot of ways.
I forgot to touch on the issue of possibly losing her. Of course, he doesn't really have her in the first place :glow: , because they are just friends, right? And it doesn't seem like God has put on his heart to pursue her strongly right now. I think this is something you can trust the Lord with, because if these are two godly kids, you shouldn't really have to worry about it. God is sovereign, even over relationships :applause: . Timing is a factor in the area of whom we will marry. If he receives wise counsel from those around him and is walking with the Lord, God will work everything out.
I want to believe that it is all good but I do have a fear that this boy might be GAY. He has not dated anyone at all... ALL his friends are girls who all have boyfriends except his best friend with whom he does not want to date. He says he loves her to much to date her. He does not want to loose what he has with her now. Wouldn't he have to be an exceptional boy to be able to controll himself and his emotions this way. I had a man tell me once that a boy cannot be just friends with a girl unless he is Gay. what do you think? It is true that he never had her but if he loves her which I am told he does why wouldn't he be afraid of loosing her to someone else when they go away to college. Can he at his age be so secure in Christs plan for his life that nothing seems to bother him? Most boys his age are just full of hormones and insecurities. This boy is either amazing or Gay. how can I tell?
It is probably better to ask your question as a new post, and not attached to a post of someone else's as a reply-I think you'll get more responses that way.
There can be a lot of reasons a guy would shy away from wanting to "get to know better" (meaning essentially get to know you with possible romantic hopes) a single Mom. For one, a single Mom has become one flesh with at least one other man, a union that is supposed to be reserved for marriage. Add to that the fact that there is now a child, which means a father and a mother, and it is not the type of situation where a man who does not know the single Mom at all would want to become involved. Marriage is a Christian liberty, and it comes down to preference. Many men prefer not to enter into such a challenging position as to be the father of a son or daughter who has a biological father already. When people "get to know" each other online, it is not usually just as friends (on a site like this), so most guys who are not interested in pursuing a single Mom romantically will not want to risk leading her on. I hope this answer helps.
I thought you said that this is a "good Christian boy". The Bible is not unclear about homosexuality. It is sin, and rebellious sin. If someone desires to participate in this, they are not seeking to be obedient to God, and they may not even be a Christian.
If you don't know this boy well enough to know whether he would obey God against the unrighteousness of homosexuality, you might not know him well at all.
He may not be "amazing", and also not gay, but just afraid, having misunderstandings. The only real way to find out about him is to talk with him through these things.
He is a good christian boy. I guess I am just letting the devil get ahold of my mind to much. I need to pray about that and stop thinkning that way. Thanks again for your input. How old are you? I have a Single chrisitan daughter:hearts:
David. I read your profile and wanted to write to you but I'm too old so I'll have to do it this way. I was just wondering about your friend who did not kiss untill after he was married and wished he had not even held his wifes hand untill after marriage. that sounds like this boy i know. I was wondering if anyone ever thought your friend might be gay because of his actions or lack there of?
Sorry that I took so long to respond. This forum doesn't send emails when there is a response to the thread, so I have to check manually, and I haven't done that in days. Is there a way that you can send me a message through email?
In response to your question, no, my friend was never thought of as "gay". I don't know why that would even be an issue-it makes me wonder what your thoughts are on homosexuality. Being "gay" isn't something that is uncontrollable; it is not an unstoppable force or something that you are necessarily born into. If someone is born with tendencies towards homosexual thinking, then that is an area that they need to repent of, and just like I need to NOT lust after girls, someone who is tempted to lust after boys must discipline himself not to do that, too. It is the same sin (lust/adultery) with a different object (opposite sex/same sex).
My friend who waited to kiss until he was married, no, no one ever accused him of being gay. He was crazy about the girl that he was dating-does he have to defile her to prove he's a man? Know what I mean? A man can pursue a woman and do it honorably...he is much more of a man, if you ask me, than those who choose not to. And I also could argue that those who seek to defile women before marriage are MORE prone to homosexuality because they are already heading down the path of sexual depravity--first allowing their lustful thoughts to dominate them, then acting out on them in a perverted way (outside of marriage according to God is perverting the way He has ordained). Pretty soon they get bored with "normal" sex, and the road to destruction continues. Men who obviously desire sex very much and can control themselves until marriage, those are real, heterosexual, manly men :).
I'm 28 years old, just had a birthday. Thanks for asking!
