Why do some men think ... yea, ASSUMES that just because a woman engages in a conversation with them, and she and he find they have SOME things in common and of interest, and she speaks kind and nice words of encouragment to him, not leading him on or flirting. But she is just nice toward him, and she isn't showing ANY interest in a love relationship with him. :nahnah: ... But for whatever reason, he thinks that because she is nice and kind toward him, this means the woman is interested in a close relationship with him other than friendship. Then he gets all blown out of shape when she tells him, she is only seeking his friendship?
Is it that difficult for a man to have a close freindship relation with a woman without it becoming anything other than a friendship?... in all my days, I still don't understand this, so maybe someone can help me?...
What?!!? You mean you don't want me? Fine!! See if I care!! LOL. Sorry Ella, I couldn't resist.
I think it is because we have been taught to watch for signs of a woman's interest, and we men are not good at subtle. LOL. Many of us have a hard time differentiating between friendly and flirting. We see a woman that we are interested in, and we start watching for signs that she is interested as well. When we get it wrong, we are too embarrassed to face them, so we end up lashing out at them for sending "mixed signals". The truth is, most women are not friendly with a man unless they are interested in him.
I have encountered the same thing....I have found that speaking to our 'relationship' early out increases the chances of this not happening. That I know not what God has in mind for us.....friends? stepping stones?, or more? That if we knew what God wanted we would not need Him. That if we both keep our focus on Him will be all good no matter what He has for us. I do hope this helps.....bless you sweet lady....smiles. T.
:ROFL:... Leon, I knew you would come up with something craazzzeee to say to me. You got me good.... 1 for you and 0 for me. I'm usually the one after you , but maaan, you did good... too funny:yay:
And I think you're right about men not knowing the difference in being nice and flirting. But how can a person think you're interested in anything other than a friendship, when you've only been communicating with each other for three or four days, talking about just stuff, nothing serious that would even lead to the notion of flirting or mixed signals. I mean, just talking about your vision in ministry, or the weather where each one lives, getting acquainted with each other, general talk, etc....just talking stuff! I really don't get it!:rolleyes: LOL
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Hey T, I understand what you're saying, but I don't think there is a need for a man or a woman to speak about getting involved in a serious relationship with each other, when you haven't even gotten into any form of serious discussion of anything personal. And I think discussing one's religious faith is very serious when considering getting involved with a man or a woman. One's religious beliefs can cause a war...helllo! LOL...
Maybe, I still haven't learned men LOL... but does anybody just talk anymore without thinking or assuming the other person is looking for more than what it appears? God tells us to exhort each other, and even if you're looking for a long term relationship with a person, and you think you've found the ONE. Shouldn't there be casual conversations getting to know the person, and their likes and dislikes, and what he/she is made of, before you go jumping into thinking that this is the ONE, just because that person is of interest on paper or in appearance? I mean give me a break!:purpleangel::toomuch: LOL
I do this all the time. When I was in high school, I thought any girl that smiled at me liked me :). With me, it's hope (maybe blind hope or wishful thinking), and the fact that I have no idea when a girl does like me because most good girls wont come out and say it. With guys, if they look at a girl in a really friendly way, it pretty much means they like her.
David, I agree with what you and Leon both say, and of course, the ladies know what I'm speaking about.
And my point remains the same, WHY can't men take a woman's kindness and gentle smile as meaning no more than what it means, FRIENDSHIP!... Doesn't mean that I didn't like these guys, and even if I was interested in them on a personal relations level, my actions and behavior toward them will not be the same. At least not for me... if I'm interested in a guys on a personal level, I ask of him different questions than what I ask of him when on a friendship level... certain things I have "NEED TO KNOW" as a man's sweetheart, and there are some and certain things I don't need nor care to know as a man's friend... does this make sense?...:toomuch::bouncy::boxing::excited::purpleangel:
Maybe I go a step further than necessary to prevent misunderstanding. But if I like someone enough to have much communication with them ~ yet for whatever reason know that it will remain strictly as 'friends'...I'll probably tell them that very clearly. Especially if I get the sense that they may be interested in more than 'just friends'.
That may not work so well with other ladies though ~ as my personality predisposes me to be direct. I'm just as likely to tell a man that I am interested in more, as well.
In fact, in the past few days I've had reasons for saying both...and did.
I think it goes back to what Leon was saying that typically guys don't have a clue about reading signs and mixing them up. I mean in most cases we are just to close to the situation, but if we took a couple of steps back and viewed it rationally we might practice more patients.
However, with that being said I'm all about giving people the benefit of the doubt and leeway. We've all had past experiences that have shaped how we perceive things. I'm assuming God broke the mold when He made each one of us so we are all different, for better or for worse. Maybe this gentleman knows what he likes and decided he liked you even after a short time talking with you. Yet, you don't feel the say way because its too soon for you to tell. That's not his fault and its not your fault either.
I just think keeping things in perspective and realizing that people make mistakes when it comes to relationships; because its not an exact science.
However, I agree with you it is silly to get angry over someone telling you they just want to be friends. Why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them?
I don't think this situation applies to only one gender. I have been on both sides of this so it's universal. Just think of the mechanics of it all. Men and women. We were made to be attracted to the opposite gender. So relationships on any level have to deal with that at some point. Personally I always engage women on a friendship basis first. If it build from there great. People get too hasty and as humans we tend to be impatient, especially on this subject. I think though once someone has made it up in there mind or whatever the catalyst might be that they "like" "love" the other person it's hard to go back from that. I mean look at the whole "lets just be friends" deal after a relationship has ended, it's an illusion. All you can do is be firm in what you believe. People will do what they will do and feel how they feel. Be as nice as you can, everyone has feelings no matter how misguided. Though ya gotta stand your ground.
In response to xSoldOut4Himx question "Why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them?" Just look at all the dysfunctional relationships around us. People want some very unhealthy things. This isn't that far fetched.
