Thread: Are we to picky,will we be single forever?
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Are we to picky,will we be single forever?
Posted : 10 Mar, 2009 07:58 PM
I have been thinking about how hard it is to find someone who is on the same page with us on spiritual matters. If you believe in the spiritual gifts you would not want to marry someone who does not. And likewise if you are an Armenian you may not want to marry a Calvinist. We all would like to find someone who shares our beliefs.
This can be very difficult to find.
Will we make it impossible by adding a laundry list of physical requirements also. Tall dark and handsome maybe? A barbie doll? What's on your list? The truth is we all have one. But will we put that list aside, should we meet someone who possesses the spiritual qualities that we desire? Would you be willing to give up the physical requirements to get the spiritual?
I am not willing to give up anything. I want a woman that is a true representative of God. I want to be able to see Christ in everything she does. She has to radiate the love of God, and glow from the joy of that love. These are not options, they are requirements.
Now let's see if we can make it really hard. She should be 5' 6" , a prison guard, live in the mountains of Colorado, have dark brown hair, a beautiful smile, and most important of all these physical requirements, she has to love me. LOL.
For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, I am describing the woman God sent to me, after I quit looking for certain things. She is everything I could ever want, and more.
You pose a very good question and I hope you get lots of interaction from many people.
I think many of us are too picky...or let's use the term..."selective"....LOL.
I agree with you and Leon that there are things we simply cannot compromise on but those things are dealing with one's Character, their love for our Lord, Integrity and they must have a teachable spirit. A person should be very selective in these areas. They also must be committed to remaining sexually pure before marriage. No compromising there either.
I have listed those things on my profile that are important to me. Am I flexible? Yes to some extent. I am flexible with regards to her looks. I have eclectic taste anyway. I have dated women who were models and former models, super stunning and I have dated cute average looking...whatever that means. LOL But they had great personalities....seriously...lol. You know a great personality can make a woman appear more beautiful along with their warm brilliant smile. They don't have to have the hottest body or be Miss Olympia either. HOWEVER...they do have to show that they are at least taking care of the body that God gave them. That is my personal taste. I have been an athlete most of my life and try to remain active so it is kind of natural to seek someone with a similar background....however...again that is not a deal breaker either. It is just a "preference". I don't care if she has blond, brown or black hair or blue, green or brown eyes. Oh..but must be a NON-smoker! That is a deal breaker!
The bottom line is that there are things that I will not compromise on but regarding the physical looks....I am flexible.
I think sometimes we can be so "picky"..."selective" as to what we seek that we miss golden opportunities the Lord presents to us. He gives us total free will to choose our mates and contrary to what some people believe...God does not pick our mates for us. That is not a biblical concept.
I am going to post a "Conversation with God" I did some time ago and see if it helps.
A Conversation with God!
By Walter Diaz
Heavenly Father,.
YES DAUGHTER?
I come to you asking for a godly mate!
OK�.WHAT ARE YOU REALLY SEEKING?
What do you mean?
WELL YOU HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR THIS FOR SOME TIME NOW
Yes I have and with tears and not knowing why you are taking so long to answer this prayer?!
I HAVE MY REASONS WHY IT HAS NOT BEEN ANSWERED AS YET
Which are?
PERHAPS I SHOULD LET YOU FIGURE OUT THE REASONS FOR YOURSELF. LET�S EXAMINE YOUR PRAYER REQUEST FOR A GODLY MATE
Ok
TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY YOU ARE LOOKING FOR
Well I want him to be good looking and in great shape
WHY?
Well�.because I am good looking, have a great body and I feel I deserve the same!
YES YOU ARE GOOD LOOKING BUT NOT BECAUSE YOU HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. I MADE YOU THAT WAY SO IT�S NOT SOMETHING YOU CAN SAY YOU EARNED. BESIDES YOU ARE STILL STRUGGLING WITH VANITY. NO ONE DESERVES ANYTHING BUT WHEN THEY RECEIVE SOMETHING GOOD FROM ME IT�S BECAUSE OF MY GOOD GRACES.
Ok Father �that hurt. I am not sure if I like doing this.
THE TRUTH CAN OFTEN HURT ESPECIALLY WHEN WE HAVE BEEN IGNORING IT.
I see your point.
GO ON,�CONTINUE WITH YOUR REQUEST.
Well I want him to be successful and be able to provide, have a nice home and new cars and I want to travel and see the world with him.
HOLD ON HERE! I NEVER SAID THAT I WOULD EVER GRANT THAT.
Yes you did Father. You state in your word that �you will grant me my heart�s desires�!
YES�.I DID SAY THAT. BUT YOU ARE MISUNDERSTANDING WHAT THAT MEANS AND THE PRINCIPLES BEHIND IT. YOU NEED TO FIRST STOP LISTENING TO THOSE PROSPERITY GOSPEL PREACHERS AND STUDY MY WORD FOR YOURSELF AND LOOK INTO THE DEPTHS OF THE MEANING OF WHAT I SAY.
Ok�so what does that mean then?.
FOR ME TO GRANT YOU YOUR HEART�S DESIRES YOU FIRST HAVE TO BE RIGHT WITH ME AND YOUR HEART MUST BE SEEKING FOR THOSE THINGS THAT ARE NOT SELFISH, NOT SELF SERVING.
Ouch�.so I am not walking right with you?
NO�YOU ARE NOT! LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE SEEKING SO FAR�..THINGS THE WORLD SEEKS AFTER. I NEVER PROMISED YOU WEALTH OR A NICE HOME AND NEW CARS OR A GOOD LOOKING HUNK WITH A GREAT BODY OR EVEN THAT HIS CAREER IS PRESTIGIOUS. THAT IS VANITY AND SHALLOWNESS!
YOU SEE MY DAUGHTER, ONE OF THE PROBLEMS IS THAT YOU ARE SPOILED AND DO NOT APPRECIATE WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT IN LIFE. WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE IF YOU HAVE A MAN WHO IS ALL THOSE THINGS YOU SEEK BUT CANNOT LOVE YOU LIKE YOU REALLY NEED TO BE LOVED AND WHO WILL NOT RESPECT YOU AND BE FAITHFUL TO YOU? LOOK AT PEOPLE WHO ARE POOR�REALLY POOR AND LOOK AT HOW THEY LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND YET HAVE NOTHING OF ANY REAL MATERIAL VALUE. LOOK AT THE HEBREWS IN THE OLD TESTAMENT. BY TODAY�S WORLDLY STANDARDS THEY LIVED IN POVERTY YET THEIR JOY WAS FULL AND THEY WERE HAPPY. THEY LIVED IN TENTS AND CAVES.
Good points Father�..I guess I need to re-evaluate my desires and what really is important in life!
YES�.BUT YOU ARE NOT FINISHED YET.
Oh great�.so there�s more I need to work on!
YES�SO PLEASE CONTINUE WITH YOUR REQUEST AND TRY TO FOCUS ON THE MORE IMPORTANT QUALITIES.
Ok�well�I want him to be a good Christian man but I don�t want him to be some fanatic either.
INTERESTING! SO YOU WANT HIM TO BELIEVE IN ME AND MY SON JESUS BUT YOU DON�T WANT HIM TO REALLY LOVE ME.
Wait a minute Father�I didn�t say I didn�t want him to not love you and Jesus!
YES YOU DID BUT YOU DIDN�T REALIZE IT. YOU SEE MY DAUGHTER I SEEK THOSE WHO ARE PASSIONATE FOR ME AND JESUS. TO LOVE SOMEONE YOU HAVE TO BE PASSIONATE. WOULD YOU WANT A HUSBAND WHO WAS NOT PASSIONATE FOR YOU?! YOU SEE TO LOVE SOMEONE MEANS YOU HAVE PASSION FOR THEM. REAL PASSION! DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT MY SON SAID IN REVELATION?
No�but I am sure you are going to tell me.
YES�.HERE IS WHAT HE SAID TO A CHRISTIAN CHURCH. Revelation 3: 15 "I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot.
16 So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth."
YOU SEE MY DAUGHTER A LUKEWARM CHRISTIAN IS DISGUSTING TO ME FOR THEY HAVE NO PASSION FOR ME. BEING HOT OR COLD ARE EXTREME TEMPERATURES. HOW CAN ANYONE SAY THEY LOVE ME WITH ALL THEIR HEART, MIND, SOUL AND STRENGTH AND YET NOT HAVE INTENSE PASSION FOR ME?! IT IS NOT EVEN POSSIBLE AND THEY ARE KIDDING THEMSELVES. NOW THINK ABOUT THIS. HOW CAN YOU REALLY LOVE A HUSBAND WHEN YOU DON�T LOVE ME AS YOU SHOULD?!
Wow�Father�I feel so ashamed. I see now that I have been just casual in my relationship with you and Jesus and lack the passion I should have. Please forgive me Father and help me grow to be passionate�.to be really in love with you and Jesus.
NOW YOU ARE GETTING IT. OF COURSE YOU ARE FORGIVEN.
But what about a mate for me?
FIRST THINGS FIRST MY CHILD. Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
This is an area I have been struggling with for a while. A gentleman I used to date had an elementary education. He was a great guy, but had never traveled, few experiences, and minimal education. As a person, he is a wonderful man. But to carry on a conversation, we sometimes had to really work at it as our vocabularies and backgrounds were quite different.
When speaking of equally yoked, does this pertain to academically/intellectually?
This question has perplexed me for a while and I would appreciate the thoughts and views of anyone wishing to share.
PS. Just as a note.....God called me home from that country. I had to leave everyone and everything (including the guy) behind due to some extenuating circumstances.
I know the answer everyone expects, but that is a serious issue. More so than most would think.
I think, and this is just an opinion, that it would make a great deal of difference to a teacher, or anyone who works in the field of education. They would have the formal training, and ability to perform well in most settings, but would suddenly find themselves restricted due to no fault of their own. This is always hard to accept.
Then you have the lack of communication thrown in also....that would be tough. Add the irritation factor, and it might be a recipe for disaster.
I have thought about this subject myself. The more I "think" about it, the more confused I get, so I stop myself. When I get to this point, I try to remember that satan wants to confuse me and keep my mind busy with those things rather than on Him. I pray that when God is ready for me to be in a relationship, He will tell me. I pray that when this happens, I will KNOW, without a doubt, that is the man He picked for me. Whomever this man may be, whatever he will look like, whatever profession he is in, I will KNOW it and have His peace about me.
This gives me comfort and relieves the confusion, so I feel it will be.
I do believe that we need to be equally yoked in the area of conversational ability. It's not a matter of looking down on anyone, but of being able to communicate effectively and be intellectually stimulated and challenged by your spouse. I can have friends of all levels of education, however the man that I spend the rest of my life with needs to be reasonably intellect to hold my interest.
I think in order to find what you are looiking for in another individual, one must first posess those qualities that they seek. So I think we must first work on self and once we have become selfless in all that we do, I believe the one that God has prepared us for will walk into our lives when we least expect it. I also think we need to let our guard down and stop judging the package, but look at the contents. A five carrat diamond with clarity, if presented in a walmart box, instead of a Tiffany's, does not lose it's value or it's worth.
