I was a troubled teen who had very low self esteem due to being raised by parents who did not know how to show affection or speak words of affirmation. I guess it showed because there were always adult men there to tell me that my father did not love or understand me like they did. So between the ages of 11 and 12 these men began to provide me with cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol, and also began to abuse me sexually.
This led to a lifestyle of drinking, drugs, and promiscuity that lasted throughout my teenage years. When I became an adult I had seen an ad in a newspaper that said I could make money dating men, so I began a career as a prostitute for an escort service. In my warped mind at the time, I thought that if all men wanted from me was sex then they were going to have to pay for it and that I was taking control of my sexuality. I did not feel that I was hurting anyone and that it is my body to do with as I pleased.
I tried to rationalize what I was doing and thought that I was somehow different from the prostitutes on the street, because I was going to the finest hotels and restaurants with these men. All of the money that I had made was spent on drinking, drugs, travel, and shopping, all in an effort to to make myself feel better about what I was doing. I eventually became very depressed and sought the help of a therapist who encouraged me to pursue my dream of working with animals.
And so I attended a school for dog trainers and bought a ranch in the mountains where I began to board and train dogs. So I lived on a ranch in the mountains with pet cows, pigs, and a burro. I was training dogs and making a great living and thought I had everything that I had ever wanted.
But I was still miserable and empty inside. I thought I must be crazy and that I would never be happy no matter how much I achieved. I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was dirty, and damaged, and that nobody could ever understand me or love me after all that I had been through. I was also an atheist since about 12 years old and could not be convinced that there was a God in Heaven. Fast forward to March 6th 2005...
When I woke up in the morning and felt compelled to go to church, it was like I had no choice in the matter and I had to go. So I went and introduced myself to the pastor and said " hi, my name is Lydia and I really don't know why I am here, I do not believe in God". The pastor told me that the Holy Spirit brought me. Anyway I went in and felt at home there and after the service the pastor gave me a new believers bible and said that he hoped that I would come back. I went home and read the New Testament in a week, I could not put it down. Two weeks later I asked Jesus to forgive me and confessed Him as my Lord and Savior.
In that moment it was as if the weight of the world was taken off of my shoulders, and I cried like I had not done in very long time. I felt clean, whole, renewed, and restored. The scriptures became very real to me that day. And I know that the blood of Jesus does wash us white as snow, and that we are new creations in Christ. I no longer feel like there is something wrong with me because I am now right with God. The old man has passed away behold all things are new.
I now know what it is like to have joy, contentment, and peace in my life. They are gifts from God that nobody can take away. I know now what my purpose is in this life and it is to serve the Living God and tell everyone of His great love, grace, and mercy. And of the sacrifice that He made on our behalf.
Sweetmusician - Thanks for sharing. Your story gave me chills.
Lydia,
I had not been to a church service (besides a wedding or funeral) in about 20 years and had not even opened a Bible for about the same amount of time. Just wanted to start learning about the Bible...
I had already changed the "crazy" portion of my life & God helped me do that with out me even realizing (at the time) but it was God.
I stopped the hard partying. I would get so wasted that I could barely get myself out of bed at 1PM to be at my job at 2PM and even then I would still be drunk. I was getting wasted 6-7 nights a week, smoking weed like twice a day, every night driving very drunk or completely blacked out, wasting my life away...this was over 2 years ago...
Seriously, thank God I never killed anyone.
I swore to God after someone close to me had died that I would change my life for the good. That's what I did...
Jumping ahead two years or so, right after I joined this site - I posted a question. I had read the forums for a while before posting my question and I really didn't know where to start with finding a church & learning about the Bible.
So finally I asked my question - hoping that Leon would respond, why? I don't know, but I wanted him to reply. He did & his advice to me was to start with the Gospel and that is what I did. That is where it started anyways. Started reading it regularly after that...then started going to Sunday services.
Thank you for sharing that with us. God is so faithful to protect us while we are in the midst of our sin. It is always amazing to me how we see each other after God has cleaned us up. I can not picture you drunk and high based on your pictures and posts. Praise God for the way He washes us and makes us shiny new creations!
Isn't it awesome that we no longer need drugs and alcohol to feel good? Oh! the joy of walking with the Lord, it is the best party ever and it will last for all eternity!
Lydia, Thank you for blessing us with your testimony and starting this thread.
What wonderful stories of salvation for a pathetic sinner like me who has always struggled with feeling worthy of our Saviors unbelievable capacity for Forgiveness, Love and HEALING.
Confession time huh?
Boy I don't know if you have enough time or there is enough space on this sites server to handle mine. So I guess I need to try and give you all, the Readers Digest condensed version.
I was always a bit of a wild child and always thought I was never living up to being worthy of Gods love. I just never "GOT IT" before.
I was raised in a very Christian home by my Grandparents when I was young so I had a great foundation and in my heart always knew right and wrong. But I strayed early and became convinced that I knew better than God what was good for me in my life.
I was the rugged individualist. I was going to show that I could handle anything. I never let anyone get too close because I knew they would eventually leave me. Another story there, in itself.
So it was that I never truly fell in love until I was over 40 years old.
I had become convinced that there was no such thing as true love, didn't believe in marriage and thought that Soul Mates was some fantasy made up by women from reading too many romance novels.
I met a woman I would eventually fall in love like I never believed was possible.
Looking back I realize it was because she was a Proverbs 31 woman and she had begun the process of bringing me back to Faith.
Because both of us had horrible past relationships we were content to just live together even though we both knew that was scripturally unsound. We had both come to believe that marriage was just not possible. (Satan is such a snake and has such convincing lies). More stories within this too, you beginning to see why I am trying to give you the condensed version?
But while living together a Grinch thing started to happen to me. Through her love and kindness my heart had grown ten sizes and at some point a couple of years later God seemed to speak to me. He said �James isn�t it time you did right by her and made her your wife, to always provide and protect her?� And so I did.
We had an absolutely glorious marriage. It was the first time in my life I had asked a woman to marry me out of just pure love and devotion. It was the first time I took my marriage vows as a Covenant before God.
But after a few more years, through a series of tragic events spanning about a year (Much longer story) this woman I cherished walked out on me. Within 3 months I had lost my wife, blown the motors in both of my vehicles, had to deal with 2 surgeries for myself, an emergency appendectomy for my daughter, my wife had to have treatments for a Brain Aneurism that was discovered, miscellaneous medical treatments and eventually a surgery. I had to cover tens of thousands in Medical expenses and Vehicle repairs. Found myself on the brink of financial ruin and had almost lost everything I had worked so hard for. Almost everything in fact, I realized looking back, that I had put above God.
Even though I was a believer I was NOT walking in Faith. I still had not put trust in God that He would fulfill his promises to us.
This was the proverbial 2x4 upside the head as I call it.
Anyone remember the movie SIGNS where Mel Gibson�s wife said to Joaquin Phoenix�s character Merrill to Swing Away Merrill, Swing Away! Well that is what God did to me, he didn�t hold back. After finally coming to, I found myself on my knees in my empty shell of a house crying out to our Lord and Savior �God take me now! I can�t do this anymore! Take me or heal me!�
This rugged individualist had finally figured out that after 47 years of trying it my way I wasn�t crazy about the results, It just wasn�t working! While I was on my knees crying out to the Lord I got this vision of Carroll M., the Pastor who married my wife and I, who was also a personal friend of hers. Sign number one!
I immediately emailed him and got a reply within about 5 minutes. Sign number two!
He took time to meet with me for coffee the next morning and after sharing with him and praying, I promised him I would find a church to go to the next morning.
I searched the phone book and the internet and decided upon this Foursquare church in the next town over. I would find out later why God had led me to this particular church.
I emailed Carroll and told him my plans and he said that is Wonderful! I will look for you, my wife and I attend the same church. I think that was Sign number three!
The next morning I went to the church and sat near the back trying to be a wallflower as I was new and I hadn�t been in a church in years. When the prayer time came our Pastor Dave asked everyone to pray in whatever way felt the most comfortable to them, come up to the Altar, Kneel or Stand where we were or go to the back to pray with others who would be waiting for us. Since I wanted to remain as anonymous as possible I began to pray just where I stood.
While I was praying I felt this hand on my shoulder.
I looked up to see another rugged individualist looking at me.
We would later become very good friends.
Larry said to me, �This may sound a little strange and this has never happened to me before but I got this message that you have something you need to share with me?�
Not, you might have something you MAY WANT to share, you HAVE something you NEED to share. I was stunned, I didn�t even know how to respond for a few seconds. Sign number 4!
I finally was able to say, well I guess I do.
Signs, Signs everywhere were signs yet I had refused to see them until now.
After sharing with Larry and praying with two other men in the back of the church I finally surrendered to God and opened my heart to Christ. I have been faithfully attending services every Sunday, and am taking ministries classes on Wednesday and Thursday nights.
On February 8th of this year I got Baptized for the first time in my life.
That tough guy rugged individualist Larry performed my Baptism that day.
I can only say the feeling was the way I feel when I listen to Bebo Normans song �I will Lift my Eyes�.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtAjrNqEsoM
Since that day I turned my life over to God, I have repaired my vehicles and have no car payments, saved my house, taken care of all the medical issues we faced and have become financially solvent once again. Our Savior has an amazing capacity for Forgiveness, Love and HEALING.
The speed and amount of healing that has occurred in my life has been nothing short of miraculous!
While my wife has not returned I continue to pray for her salvation and that his will be done in our lives. I have total faith now that our Lord has great plans for me.
Jeremiah 29:
11 For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD. "I will bring you back from captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of all the nations and places where I banished you and will bring you home again."
AMEN!
So I wait Patiently
Psalms 46:10 Be Still! and know that I am GOD. I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
Our God is an awesome GOD, a Mighty GOD, our Savior has an amazing capacity for Forgiveness, Love and Healing, that a pathetic unworthy sinner like me would be blessed with His Grace, Love and Healing!
I used to see God as this huge angry man with a vengeance.
Now I see this Wonderful Father, who has this amazing tenderness, compassion and love in his eyes. Oh yeah, and one hand behind his back, Father I know what you are holding back there! That 2x4 still has an imprint of my head on it, Lest I ever forget!
Praise the Lord for all the miraculous testimonies Jesus has given us to share! I thank God for this thread and I am excited that over 120 views have been made to read the 'testimony' thread.
Miranda and Buffalo--what awesome testimonies you have shared with us. I'm happy that to hear that you both surrendered to GOD and made HIM your savior.
Below is part of my testimony. It is very much condensed, but it deals with the call and what God has done in my life.
After losing both parents in about 2 years, losing my wife to another man, going through financial disaster, using and manufacturing Meth, I ended in prison (State Jail) on a 2 year sentence.
I had the rest of my life planned out the day I got there. I was going to do my time, get out and go right back to what I was doing. I was a 43 year old overweight guy, but when I was cooking dope every woman around wanted me. I was realistic enough to know it was the drug they were after, but I didn't care. I got the attention I craved and that was all that mattered. I even had it set up for a friend to pick me up with drugs and girls when I got out.
I had never been in trouble with the law before, but I wasn't worried, I ran with some real heavy hitters in the world and the mention of any of their names was enough to stop the toughest con in his tracks. I was processed in and put in a dorm. I started running with a prison gang and ended up being one of the leaders on the unit for them. I wasn't going to change, in fact I bought and resold psych meds for extra money. I even stood in the middle of a classroom and told the teacher that the only reason she believed in God was because she couldn't handle that when she died it was over.
I was transferred to another unit where the gangs were not so powerful. I was a night janitor in the dorm, so days were spent sleeping and reading.
I was lying there reading a book and had this strong desire to read the Bible. I didn't even own one, so I blew it off and kept reading. I couldn't concentrate, I could read the same thing over and over and still not know what it said. This had never happened to me in my life. All I could think about was getting a Bible. I tried to nap and couldn't. I tried everything. It was like my life was on hold until I gave in and borrowed a Bible.
I ended up writing to a local ministry and asking for a Bible. They sent me one and I couldn't put it down. Every time I tried to do something wrong, it was like my life was on hold again. I set there for 3 weeks one time just being stubborn. I was supposed to be going back to the first unit. A bus ran every day, but until I gave in, I wasn't on it. About one minute after I said OKAY GOD, a guard handed me the papers that I was leavung the next morning.
I went back and everywhere I turned I kept hearing about this special faith based program with real Bible college instructors, and real classes. I had read through my Bible about 4 times at this point and thought I knew a lot. I resisted for a while and finally signed up.
I was the last State Jail offender to go through it. It closed, and was moved to real prison the day I left. I have kept in touch with most of the instructors, and have great fellowship with them. They are aware of my testimony and didn't think it was possible at first either. Several have now added it to their teachings.
When I got out, I had been ordained through a non denominational church in San Antonio. I had been out about a week when a man called me and asked for my address. I gave it to him, and said God told him to send money to my ministry. I didn't have plans for one until then. I started doing jail ministry, nursing homes, teaching discipleship classes, everything. I prayed and started a ministry, I got ordained through an independent ministry. Everywhere I turned doors opened. God finally told me to concentrate on Revival. I give the Sunday evening service at the Baptist church I attend, just to stay in practice for the summer, when I go on the road to Evangelize.
I have had God's hand on my life from the moment He dragged me back, kicking and screaming. I am so grateful that He took control, because I would have still been dead otherwise. You can say what you want about free will, but I was there and I am telling you, I had no choice.
Praise the Lord Leon! It's amazing how much you've allowed GOD to change your life. I have 'watched' you give advice and biblical understanding on these forums for months and I never would have thought you had a past such as you wrote. Thanks to God for deliverance from our past once we completely surrender to HIM!
HIS hand is upon you for totally surrendering to HIM and ministering to HIS people AND for not backing down from HIS WORD. I've seen you be the bold witness upholding HIS WORD on these forums and it's a gift we should ALL be using for HIS Glory! My prayers are with you as you hit the roads this summer preaching the Good News to those who will hear and those who will not hear--you are doing His Work! :applause:
I wanted to share 'Christ's' testimony as a reminder for all of us. This video was shared by Sgatorg61 during 'live chat' April 7. It is such a powerful video about the love of Christ. I told him I was going to post it on the chat forum for others to view.
It is 9 minutes long and I hope you will be blessed and feel the Love of Christ. Feel free to share this link with others.
Hi My Name is Sreedhar Jeshurun! Hope my testimony will be blessing to many to know christ.
MY TESTIMONY !
"He commanded us to preach to the people and to TESTIFY that he is the one whom God appointed as judge of the living and the dead.All the prophets TESTIFY about him that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.�( Acts 10:42-43).
"YOU DID NOT CHOOSE ME BUT I CHOSE YOU" - (John 15:16)
I had born on the 4th of July 1979 into an devoted Hindu family. My family belonged to the Padmashali sect, which represented the cloth manufacturers. At the tender age of 13, I became a member of a well known fanatic community of India and strongly hated Christians & muslims,had a desire all of them to quit India and started questioning the beliefs of Christianity & Islam.I played an active role in chanting slogans of the fanaticism and strongly believed that India was for the Hindus. During this period my father was a banker dealing with chit funds business went bankrupt. As a result of this he had to sell all his personal belongings, estate and settle the debt. Later we shifted from Thukaramgate of Secunderabad to IN Nagar of Malkajgiri. I continued living in sinful life inspite of listening to the teachings of Christ by an evangelist who lived close by. I kept rejecting the gospel of Christ, thinking that the evangelist was trying to convert people by force. I was also mentally disturbed that the evangelist was proclaiming that Jesus Christ was "the only God and Savior of Mankind". I felt an aversion and bitterness in my heart and could not digest the the views of the evangelist. I started arguing, plotting to intimidate and resist the preaching of the evangelist but to no avail.
Days passed by and I slowly leaned toward Jesus Christ and His gospel because of the love, patience and encouragement by the same evangelist who continuously made friendship with me even I was hesitating him. Then in December 1993.Mr.Solomon Parker S/o Late Ch.Parker (Evangelist) gave me book called "The Heart of Man " written by JR Gschwend.During the afternoon when my family members were asleep I concentrated and meditated on the teachings written in the book and was convicted by the Holy Spirit. Slowly all my sins came to light and I realized that I was a sinner. I felt the reality (algophobia) of hell and knew that I was eternally damned unless I received Christ's forgiveness for my sins. After sometime my eyes fell upon a verse in the book that I was reading which said, "the blood of Jesus cleanses us from every sin"(John 1:7).This verse heralded a ray of new hope and showed me how desperately I needed the repentance. I felt repentance and confessed all my sins before the Lord Jesus Christ. I believed that God in His love and grace forgave me of all my transgressions. I now knew that Jesus had accepted me and Iam his child forever(John 3:15). Since My regenaration. I have faced many hardships and persecutions because of our new found faith in Yahshua The Messaiah (Lord Jesus Christ). However, God miraculously safeguarded me from all the trials and temptations to be his Successful witness on this earth.God by his grace using me as an evangelist and helped me to serve him through Good News. I give all glory to Jesus my master and Savior who has helped me in my life ever since I was regenerated.Praise be to Him for choosing me to be His child and witness forever.
"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever"(Psalm 23:6).
