Author Thread: Behavior
cupcakeme

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Posted : 10 Oct, 2019 11:55 AM

Why do so many women stay in abusive relationships so long ?

Isn't it a reflection on the woman as well as the man doing it ?



Abuse can be mental , verbal or physical.

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needsafriend7

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Posted : 12 Oct, 2019 06:19 PM

I left an abusive marriage. In my lifetime I have experienced alcohol counselors who were alcoholics, domestic abuse counselors who were either the abusers or the victims, and family counselors who had lost their own families to foster care. God is the answer. all a counselor can do is listen. well, God listens, and He will give you support if you truly believe, get up some courage and get out of the relationship. You yourself must take action, just visiting with a counselor is simply paying someone to listen to you.

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cupcakeme

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Posted : 13 Oct, 2019 04:06 AM

God is the answer to all and every problem. Counselors are just human and yes many have problems of their own .



If a person does seek counseling, it should be someone who knows God and has a perdonal relationship with Jesus. That individual can give you conseling from a Biblical point of view..

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Ocean17

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Posted : 13 Oct, 2019 11:55 AM

Sweetlybroken1 thank you for sharing your story and insights.

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Ocean17

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Posted : 13 Oct, 2019 12:08 PM

Until you have been in a harmful relationship where your rights have been abused, you will never truly understand the difficulty in leaving. This could be with your upbringing, relationships later on, even at work. At times church.

A friend of mine's mother was a major drug dealer in our area, long before I met them. As I got to know their family more in later years, I spent a few weeks sewing along helping their mother with an upcoming wedding dress she was making.

I was drawn to her and we spent a few hours in the afternoons talking lightly or not at all. I knew she judged Christians. One week, she shared that she was in several foster homes as a child. One in particular, a Christian home, had her do all the chores the other children didn't do. On Sundays, the boys would rape her in the woods after the church picnic.

As soon as she was old enough, she married one man who abused her physically etc... Later, she married another man who also abused her.

She told me using drugs was her way of coping with those memories. At this time, she was living with a guy who was in my grade in high school, 30 years younger than her. He was good enough to her, that she did what she could to keep him. He stayed with her until she died about 30 years.

Until we are in the story, turning to God is not always easy.

I was blessed by her sharing and trusting me with her stories. I would like to think that she knew one Christian who wanted nothing but her friendship.I so miss her laugh and smile. BTW her birthday was Oct 18th.

If you dont understand why some women stay in bad relationship, consider yourself blessed! Be transparent, kind and caring to that person.

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cupcakeme

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Posted : 13 Oct, 2019 01:08 PM

People need God in their life. God breaks thechsins that have people bound.



I understand Sin and that's what has people doing all sorts of Ungodly things.



Point is God can set a person free from Anything if we seek Him to take control over our life.



Anyone who abuses a child or adult is nit a Christian .

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cupcakeme

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Posted : 13 Oct, 2019 01:15 PM

This is CDFF, a Christian site and we should Praise God for He can and will help us out of things in life that come to tear us down.

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cupcakeme

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Posted : 13 Oct, 2019 01:19 PM

God breaks the chains that bind - corrected

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needsafriend7

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Posted : 13 Oct, 2019 02:44 PM

God alone has the power to help us change behaviors. All the counseling in the world is useless if the people involved are not Christian. Jesus is the Only One who can change hearts and behaviors.

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sweetlybroken1

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Posted : 16 Oct, 2019 01:56 PM

While you are correct that God alone can and does heal, renew, and redeem broken people, it's unwise to ignore the very real benefits of a trained counselor, or even an experienced confidante, for some people.



One of the most hurtful things anyone ever said to me while I was going through my divorce from my abuser was "Just give it to Jesus, and everything will be fine.". No, everything was NOT fine for a very long time. I was aware of God's presence and guidance all the way through the journey, and I spoke with Him and sought comfort from Him daily, but it wasn't as simple as just giving all my pain to Jesus and being miraculously freed from the painful growing and healing process.



God uses many different modes and methods to comfort His people, and a Christian counselor can definitely be someone who can provide support, encouragement, and fellowship to someone healing from abuse. For one thing, people who have trauma bonded to their abuser over many years now need to learn to recognize the red flags and signs of control so that they can avoid becoming a victim again.



The Word Faith gospel teaches that emotional struggle is a sign of spiritual weakness, but Scripture details the very intense and prolonged grief of many godly people. Many, if not most, of the Psalms are David's raw and naked pain put down in writing. The process of healing from abuse is never simple, and if it looks simple, it's because much has been suppressed that will emerge later. Sometimes the best gift someone can receive is not to have to grieve and heal alone.



We need to be very careful that we don't tell someone to just rely on God, when they would also benefit from some tangible and God-given human support.



A very real danger is people who try to deny their emotional pain and show up at church every Sunday waving their hands in the air during the worship time, singing praise songs with abandon, soaking up the sermon, and smiling and being enthusiastic about God's goodness to everyone they meet.... and all the while they are just pushing back the timeline on their own healing. They look great on the outside, and everybody comments on how strong, how godly, how wise they are to "give it to the Lord", but nobody sees the damage being done to them emotionally and spiritually by delaying the grief process. They're empty shells, going through the motions, not understanding that God wants our real, uncovered, authentic anger and grief, because nothing is more honest than anger.



God gives each of us different gifts, and an empathetic counselor can be a valuable part of helping someone heal enough to be receptive to the Lord's working in their life.



Anger at God, and bitterness about the abuse they suffered, is a huge part of a lot of people's abuse experience. Telling them to just humble themselves, give it to Jesus, and let Him be all they need isn't going to have the same effect as someone coming alongside and sitting with them in the darkness, with no judgment and no trite spiritual platitudes. Growth comes after healing and trust have begun.



Jesus is the Great Physician, and the Holy Spirit is our Comforter and Counselor... but don't discourage people that have been broken by abuse from seeking "help with skin on", because God works through counselors and others to minister to His people, too.

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sweetlybroken1

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Posted : 16 Oct, 2019 01:57 PM

While you are correct that God alone can and does heal, renew, and redeem broken people, it's unwise to ignore the very real benefits of a trained counselor, or even an experienced confidante, for some people.



One of the most hurtful things anyone ever said to me while I was going through my divorce from my abuser was "Just give it to Jesus, and everything will be fine.". No, everything was NOT fine for a very long time. I was aware of God's presence and guidance all the way through the journey, and I spoke with Him and sought comfort from Him daily, but it wasn't as simple as just giving all my pain to Jesus and being miraculously freed from the painful growing and healing process.



God uses many different modes and methods to comfort His people, and a Christian counselor can definitely be someone who can provide support, encouragement, and fellowship to someone healing from abuse. For one thing, people who have trauma bonded to their abuser over many years now need to learn to recognize the red flags and signs of control so that they can avoid becoming a victim again.



The Word Faith gospel teaches that emotional struggle is a sign of spiritual weakness, but Scripture details the very intense and prolonged grief of many godly people. Many, if not most, of the Psalms are David's raw and naked pain put down in writing. The process of healing from abuse is never simple, and if it looks simple, it's because much has been suppressed that will emerge later. Sometimes the best gift someone can receive is not to have to grieve and heal alone.



We need to be very careful that we don't tell someone to just rely on God, when they would also benefit from some tangible and God-given human support.



A very real danger is people who try to deny their emotional pain and show up at church every Sunday waving their hands in the air during the worship time, singing praise songs with abandon, soaking up the sermon, and smiling and being enthusiastic about God's goodness to everyone they meet.... and all the while they are just pushing back the timeline on their own healing. They look great on the outside, and everybody comments on how strong, how godly, how wise they are to "give it to the Lord", but nobody sees the damage being done to them emotionally and spiritually by delaying the grief process. They're empty shells, going through the motions, not understanding that God wants our real, uncovered, authentic anger and grief, because nothing is more honest than anger.



God gives each of us different gifts, and an empathetic counselor can be a valuable part of helping someone heal enough to be receptive to the Lord's working in their life.



Anger at God, and bitterness about the abuse they suffered, is a huge part of a lot of people's abuse experience. Telling them to just humble themselves, give it to Jesus, and let Him be all they need isn't going to have the same effect as someone coming alongside and sitting with them in the darkness, with no judgment and no trite spiritual platitudes. Growth comes after healing and trust have begun.



Jesus is the Great Physician, and the Holy Spirit is our Comforter and Counselor... but don't discourage people that have been broken by abuse from seeking "help with skin on", because God works through counselors and others to minister to His people, too.

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